


Vegeta Loves Kakarot

by TheBehemoth



Series: Everybody Loves Goku Series [3]
Category: Dragon Ball
Genre: Action/Adventure, Comedy, Established Relationship, Fantasy, Fluff and Smut, M/M, Mpreg, Multi, Open Relationships, Original Character(s), Parenthood, Romance, Threesome - M/M/M, Time Travel, Watersports
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-20
Updated: 2016-04-14
Packaged: 2018-05-02 14:47:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 81,059
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5252225
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheBehemoth/pseuds/TheBehemoth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Earth's savior and the Prince of all Saiyans are getting married! Or they're supposed to be. Trunks and Goten make a rash decision that drives the dads up a wall. Goku's future father-in-law is a ghost that won't stop bugging him. An unidentified fighter finds amusement in toying with all their lives. And why is Vegeta buying so many pregnancy tests? The sequel to "Everybody Loves Vegeta, Too!" Goku/Vegeta yaoi with some Trunks/Goten.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Part One

**Author's Note:**

> Guess who's back! I'm so excited for this story. It's going to be a lot of fun. For those of you who missed it in the description, this is the third installment in the Everybody Loves Goku! series. I highly recommend you read the two previous stories I wrote before reading this one. I've created a little alternate universe, so a few things won't make sense to new readers. It will also be much more rewarding when you read the first two stories before jumping into this one.
> 
> You all know I like to be mysterious when it comes to revealing what happens in my fics. I can't tell you whether or not there's male pregnancy. What I can say is that I hope what you read about is compelling, interesting, and of course, funny. My goal as a writer is to entertain and engage people who normally wouldn't read about this kind of stuff.
> 
> I'm crossing my fingers this story will make you laugh, feel sad, scream at your computer screen, and maybe even think differently about all the characters by the end. Let's see if I do a good job.
> 
> I also have a strange sense of humor. Take that as you will. Heh.
> 
> And for the love of god, read the warning tags. If you are sensitive to sexual situations, especially the ones mentioned in the tags, don't read any further. This fic is for adults, not kiddies. Maybe read something more watered-down instead of this fic if you're going to clutch your pearls at anything mentioned in the tags. Thanks.
> 
> Pairings: Goku x Vegeta with humor, angst, lemons, and ridiculous antics peppered throughout and seasoned to taste. Both are uke and seme for those curious. There's Goten x Trunks as well! There also may or may not be multiple adults doing fun things with each other. Who knows? There's your warning.

Every morning The Prince of all Saiyans was first to crawl out of bed in the Son household. This was not a coincidence. The honor gave him the freedom to do whatever the hell he wanted before the quiet of dawn was broken.

An array of Sharpie markers sat in a rainbow spread on his nightstand. Part of his morning ritual was deciding which color he wanted to use on Goku's face. His decision hinged on how well he slept the night before.

When his mate slept like an angel, Vegeta didn't draw on his face at all. On those special days when luck favored him, he awoke to the sight of Goku curled into a tiny ball with his head hidden under the sheets. Which was too goddamn adorable for him to handle. Writing a tiny scrawl reading "I love you" on his arm was Vegeta's go-to for such situations.

On  _this_  particular morning, Goku slept the whole night through with every limb flung across the bed like he was about to go fucking base jumping from Kami's Lookout. So Vegeta decided a blood red marker would be best for drawing as many dicks on his face as humanely possible.

Vegeta leaned toward Goku's ear. "You bastard." He counted 5 dicks across Goku's face once he finished. He crawled out from under his mate's dead weight. Cold air nipped at his skin. He slid on his underwear from the clothes pile on the floor, then headed to the bathroom.

He abhorred checking under the bathroom sink. This one part of the house had become his own personal hell.

Extra boxes of toothpaste. Toilet paper rolls. Q-tips. Drano. No little pink boxes. He was fresh out. For a few seconds of his life he was relieved at not having to do his "task" first thing after waking up.

Granted, it was a task he'd only committed himself to doing once a month ever since living with Goku again. The first time he did "it," he had mixed feelings. The second time, he was mildly annoyed. The third time was shocking. Today would be his fourth time.

Instead of buying more little pink boxes, maybe he could make good on emptying that bottle of Drano.  _Haha. Kakarot would have my hide for even joking about that._ He broke the cabinet door so it hung halfway off the hinge.  _Piece of shit._

Mulling over his life decisions was irksome to say the least. He wandered upstairs. His second favorite pastime after drawing on Goku's face was waking up Goku's son. Even better, his  _own_  son shared Goten's bed every night.  _Double the fun_ , he thought as he slid through the ajar bedroom door.

For the most part he had ambivalent feelings about their relationship. On one hand, Goten failed to impress him. He shirked his training, lacked any skills Vegeta found to be noteworthy, and—to be blunt—was  _not_  the sharpest crayon in the box. On the other hand, Goten humbled Trunks in a way Vegeta and Bulma never could. Just the other day Trunks mentioned how he and Goten spent the day walking through the forest instead of playing video games. Which nearly made Vegeta spit out his tea.

Vegeta also couldn't overlook how much their relationship mirrored his own with Goku.  _Stupid brats._  "Wake up," Vegeta whispered. Gently, he shoved the side of Goten's face. Next, he shook Trunks's arm. "Oh, is it too early for you two?"

"Mrrg…Eggs over easy, please," Goten muttered in his sleep.

Vegeta crouched down. He grabbed the edge of the mattress, then flipped it over. This morning he decided to put a little bit more force into the flick of his wrist: the mattress went flying into the wall.

"What the hell!" Trunks yelled. He and Goten crashed into each other and landed on the floor in a naked pile. Trunks snatched up his now-broken phone from beneath this butt. "Dad, we set an alarm so we didn't have to deal with this crap anymore!"

 _Precious Trunks. He always thinks he can outsmart me._ "You should feel honored you two get a personalized wake-up call," Vegeta said. On cue, the phone's alarm warbled a shrill scream. The noise then faded away as quickly as it came.

"Eeek!" Goten covered his nipples with both hands. "We're naked, Vegeta!"

"You know what would solve that issue? Going to bed with some clothes on."

"But—!" Goten bit his tongue. He couldn't launch into all the reasons he was naked in the first place and pretend like Vegeta gave a damn. "Sorry."

"Be downstairs in thirty minutes." Vegeta left them alone to deal with their shame.

Next on his list? Fighting with his fiancé. Vegeta ran back downstairs to the bathroom. He sidestepped around Goku to snag his toothbrush from the counter.

"Vegeta."

He ignored him, and turned on his electric brush.

"Why'd you do this to me?"

Vegeta opened his mouth wider to reach his molars.

"I never draw on you!"

Vegeta spit out his toothpaste. "That's because I'm never bad." He gently smacked the side of Goku's face. "I try to be a good boy every single day. Unlike you."

"But you  _are_  bad." Goku pointed to the cabinet door under the sink. "This is falling apart. Who do you think did this?"

"I don't know. Elves in the night?"

Goku muffled a string of swears by shoving his own toothbrush into his mouth. He glared at Vegeta the whole time. When he finished, he shoved Vegeta into the wall. "Just so you know, I'm not going to bother washing my face today!"

"That's fine with me. I shouldn't be the only one who knows how much you love cock."

Goku slammed his toothbrush down. "Dammit, Vegeta. You're pretty…"

Vegeta tapped his fingernail against the porcelain counter. "Go on. I'm pretty what? _"_

"Pretty  _cute_."

Without hesitation, Vegeta looked at himself in the mirror. "'Pretty'? Why not handsome?"

"Because I'm already  _hand_ ing you  _some_  compliments!"

Vegeta placed both his hands on Goku's shoulders. "Stop it, Kakarot."

"I'm sorry. That  _was_  bad." Goku grinned hard enough to dimple his cheeks. "How about this one? Did you know when you proposed to me I found it to be very  _engaging_?"

"Is that so."

"But I'm sorry to say a dog swallowed the ring you gave me."

"Did it?"

"Yeah. I ended up with a diamond in the  _ruff_."

"Please stop."

"I hope our wedding isn't too emotional. Then even the cake will be in tiers."

"Oh my gods."

"Okay, I'll stop." Goku winked. "But only if you make me breakfast. I'm b _egging_  you!"

"I'm taking a shower."

"Come on Veggie, don't go bacon my heart."

* * *

Trunks watched his father and Goku make their grand entrance into the kitchen.  _Here we go again_ , he thought.

Vegeta's gait was casual even though he dragged Goku along behind him. The larger Saiyan had one of his hands stuck in Vegeta's back jean pocket. Trunks avoided reading the expression on Goku's face. By the way his hand flexed in the pocket, there was an obvious reason it took an extra half hour for breakfast to start.

If it weren't for Goten's love for Vegeta's cooking, Trunks would just settle for continental breakfast with his mother. Watching his dad and Goku bump elbows, side-hug, kiss, and bicker over the stove was a bit too surreal. Half of him wanted to be happy for his father. The man hadn't been this chipper in years. But the other half of him wanted to keep believing his parents were sexless beings. Until recently he was content assuming he'd been delivered to Capsule Corp via stork. His new baby sister didn't help his delusions either.

Currently his father was feeding Goku miso soup from the ladle in his hand. Wide-eyed Goku dipped his tongue into the bowl and swirled it around. They both shared a knowing look.

 _Yup, they definitely did it in the shower this morning._  Trunks cringed. When Vegeta finally walked toward the table with plates of food in his hand, Trunks switched his concentration to his boyfriend. "Goten, what do you want to do today?"

Goten shrugged. His attention was torn between Trunks and all the colorful plates of food Vegeta was laying out on the table. Goku was already sitting down and a third of the way done with the food he'd scavenged earlier. "Dunno. Maybe we can—"

"I have a few great ideas!" Trunks slammed both his fists down on the table. "Maybe we can go to an amusement park. Or to the mall. Or maybe I can flip a coin and if it lands on tails we GET MARRIED."

Goku peeked up from his plate. Vegeta was less polite and pinched his son's ear on his way to sit down at the table. "What's that, Trunks?"

"Nothing important, Dad. It was just a completely random topic I thought I'd bring up without anyone's input."

"Are you suggesting I should have consulted you before proposing to Kakarot?"

Goku tugged on the collar of his shirt and clenched his teeth. Goten tried to find something less frightening to stare at up on the ceiling.

"I'm not suggesting anything," Trunks said. "It's just a bit weird I had to find out about my father's engagement through  _syndication_ on  _TV_!"

"Oh here we fucking go!" Vegeta poured himself a glass of orange juice. His cup overflowed onto the table. "I  _thought_  you were a little too quiet these past few months."

"At least  _someone's_  quiet around here. Goten and I can barely get any sleep at night because you two are so loud!"

Goku dropped his fork. "What do you mean?"

Goten flapped his hands in front of Trunks's face and mouthed, "No!" Trunks ignored him. "You two have sex like it's the end of the world. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and I think there's an earthquake. But  _nooo_ , it's just you two going at it again!"

Goku's jaw dropped. "You can hear us doing stuff?"

"Of course I can. Right, Goten?"

Goten drew circles in his food with his fork. "Uh…"

Vegeta cackled. "Just because you two fuck quietly like mice doesn't mean everyone else should."

Goku squeaked. Goten slapped both his hands over his eyes. Trunks groaned at how predictably shy his boyfriend and Goku could be. "It's called commoncourtesy!"

"You're starting to sound just like your mother. Lighten up."

"At least she's not in a relationship with someone she's tried to murder multiple times!"

No sir, Dad did  _not_  like that. "You're a guest in this house. If you don't like it, thenleave _. Now._ "

Trunks wanted to rip his hair out. "This is Son  _Goku's_ house. Not  _yours_!"

"Whoo-boy!" Goku stood up to stretch. His chair tumbled backwards and clattered on the floor. "I think I should get goin' to the grocery store."

"You're leaving?" Vegeta asked. Trunks caught the longing in his voice.  _How can he be such a dick to me one minute, then the next be an angel with Goku?_

"I'll be back soon. I noticed this morning we're out of, um, you know." He glanced at Goten and Trunks. "That thing you need. Want me to get you some more?"

Vegeta's eyes darted in Trunks's direction for a fraction of a second.  _What the hell is going on here?_ Everything suddenly became awkward, but it had nothing to do with what he and his father were arguing about. "Go ahead, Kakarot."

"Whew. Keep my plate warm." He winked at Vegeta. "See ya!" He waved as he disappeared from the kitchen.

"I'm leaving too." Trunks stood up from the table. "I'm going to take your advice, Dad. I'm going to 'lighten up.' Just like how you did. I'm going to have some  _fun_  with Goten."

Goten flushed pink. "What kinda fun?"

"Come on." Trunks dragged Goten away from the table. "We have to hurry."

"But I didn't get to finish eating!"

"We'll get food later!"

Daintily, Vegeta cut the sausage on his plate into slices. "Eighteen-year-olds on this planet are insufferable."

* * *

Goku rubbed his temples. He loved Trunks. He honestly did. But he wasn't used to watching arguments at the dinner table. When it was just him, Goten, and Vegeta over a year ago, things were calm and collected. With Vegeta 2.0 in the mix, things just got hairy around the house.

Later he'd have to chat with Vegeta about offering an olive branch to the kid. If Trunks knew his father could get pregnant, he'd blow a gasket.  _He might already know if Vegeta told him about mating_ , Goku thought. Might as well get on his good side before the inevitable happened.

 _If_  it ever happened. Goku scanned the wall of boxes towering above him.  _I always forget which one to buy!_

The first time he'd bought a home pregnancy kit had been confusing. The differences between each type eluded him. Some were more accurate than others depending on how far along a woman was in her pregnancy. But what about for a man? A man who was an  _alien_? Vegeta explained numerous times how the hormones he'd produce while pregnant wouldn't be different from a human woman's. They'd also show up three weeks at the latest after he was in heat. So Earth's basic, but reliable, pregnancy kits were good enough at discovering whether or not he was knocked up.

When Vegeta entered his first heat, he told Goku to let  _him_  worry about the science of his body. Which would be fine and dandy if several issues didn't bug Goku. If Vegeta  _did_  get pregnant, where the hell would the baby come out? Of all his questions, Vegeta hated this one the most. The only time he'd answered was during a conversation last year before mating was even on the table. And no matter how hard Goku tried to think back to that moment, for the life of him he couldn't remember  _what_  Vegeta explained Saiyan male births entailed.

The Prince was so sensitive about all topics surrounding pregnancy, Goku could barely discuss it with him at all. After four months there were still no buns in the metaphorical oven to speak of.  _Thinking about buns makes me hungry again…_

"Aw, how cute!"

Goku looked over his shoulder. A blond woman with sparkling teeth hovered beside him. "Um, hi!"

She smiled. "Are you looking for a pregnancy test for your wife?"

"Nah, I don't have a wife."

The woman's eyes grew. "Oh. So it's for your girlfriend?"

"I don't have one of those either."

"A relative?"

"Nope."

"A coworker?"

"Nu-uh."

She slid closer. "Wow. You're buying this for your platonic friend? That's  _so_  adorable!"

Goku waved his hand in the air. "It's for my fiancé." The ring on his finger glinted in the store's fluorescent light.

Like a vampire drenched in holy water, the woman hissed in pain. "What the hell is that on your hand? It nearly blinded me!"

"This?" Goku flipped his palm over. "This is my engagement ring."

"ENGAGEMENT?!" The woman stumbled backwards in the aisle. "Engagement? Wedding? Target no longer _single!_ _ **Abort mission!**_ "

"Huh?"

Several women emerged from both sides of the aisle. Each one was dressed in grocery store camouflage: one woman was covered head-to-toe in cereal boxes, while another had milk jugs taped around her body. They all fled with their hands covering their faces.

The blond woman screeched until she waddled out of view. "Engagement! Engagement! Engagement…"

Goku shrugged. "Supermarkets are weird."

* * *

An hour later, Goku transmitted himself back into the living room of his home. He couldn't detect Trunks's or Goten's ki upstairs.  _Thank Dende's blessed green soul._ Vegeta normally spent the time after breakfast sketching outside, so Goku was startled to sense his presence in their bedroom. "Yo Veggie, I'm back! I got your pregnancy test, too!"

No response. Goku readjusted the grocery bags in his hand. He caught a glimpse of the couch. "What the—Vegeta!" One of the legs was broken! He rushed to the kitchen in a huff, and quickly placed all the perishable food to their proper spots in the fridge. He'd deal with the rest of the groceries later.

Ever since they started living together again, Vegeta developed a penchant for destruction. It was cute on the battlefield, but  _not_ under the roof of their house. "Vegeta," he repeated, "how do you expect me to build you a studio when I'm always busy fixing stuff you break?" Goku slammed the fridge shut. The kitchen faucet fell loose and tumbled into the sink. "Dammit!"

Why hadn't any smarmy remarks come from his mate yet? Goku stomped to the bedroom to end the mystery for himself. Vegeta's ki  _felt_ normal, so surely nothing was wrong—

His stomach dropped. Vegeta lay on his stomach on the bed, bare ass naked. Except for a pair of sneakers. And Goku's tool belt around his waist. In his hand he held a small notebook, and in the other he flipped a pencil between his fingers. "Hello, Kakarot."

Goku blinked. "Hi."

Vegeta smiled. He rolled his hips against the bed. "I've been looking at this list of materials you made for the studio. I never knew you were so knowledgeable about construction."

"I, uh, did some when I was a kid. With Krillin." Goku cleared his throat. "I've told you that before."

"Mm." The end of the pencil's eraser found its way into Vegeta's mouth. Leisurely, he kicked his legs behind him. "Tell me this. Does my little carrot cake know how to lay pipe?"

"Yes he does." Right as Goku was about to acquaint himself with Vegeta's plumping, someone pounded on the front door. He groaned. "Who could  _that_  be?"

Vegeta bit down on the pencil. It broke in half. "I bet it's Android 18."

"What does she want?"

"She probably wants to discuss the wedding." Vegeta sighed with dramatic flair. "I guess we'll have to postpone this."

"Nope." Goku cracked his knuckles. "You know about the 'One-Inch Punch'?"

Vegeta stretched like a cat across the bed. "No. Should I?"

Goku giggled, and crawled across his warm body. Vegeta purred as Goku's hand ran down the length of his spine. "It's a new move I've been meaning to try out."

"You're going to use against me?"

"Uh-huh. I think you'll like it." Goku sucked on his index and middle finger. "Betcha I can make you come in five seconds flat."

"Ha. I'd like to see you try."

"Well then. Today's your lucky day. I know exactly where to hit you to make it happen." Goku admired the playful way Vegeta continued to kick his feet.  _How'd he know I'd love seeing him with just his shoes on?_

"Goku! Vegeta! Open up!" 18 yelled from the front porch.

Vegeta raised his hips in the air. "Give me everything you got."

"It'll hurt, but it should feel really good, too."

"I'm on pins and needles."

"Alright. Here I go!"

* * *

Android 18 bashed on the door again. "I  _know_  they're in there."

Krillin rocked back and forth on his heels. "Maybe showing up uninvited was a bad idea."

"No, it's a great idea. These two fools haven't done  _anything_  to prepare for the wedding." 18 slammed her fist twice against the door. "Open up!"

"What if they're busy doing freaky stuff in there?"

18 snorted. "Like what?"

A giant blast shook the house. Krillin flew up and created a barrier between 18 and the wall of dust billowing past them. Following the explosion was a distance scream. "Oh my  _God!_ "

Krillin and 18 squinted at each other. "Was that Vegeta?" Krillin asked.

"Yep." 18 pressed her ear against the door. Someone inside was laughing his ass off. That had to be Goku. "What in the world do you think they're doing in there?"

The door flew open. "Heeey," Goku said, peeping his head out from inside the house.

18 didn't care for his antics. "Is Vegeta okay?"

Goku blushed. "That's a good question. I think so?" His eyes wandered into the sky. "Can you guys give me, like…five minutes to change my shirt? And maybe my pants, too."

"Uh, sure!" Krillin said.

18 jammed the toe of her boot in the door before Goku closed it all the way. "No. What were you two up to just now?"

"Ah. That's a good question too."

"I know. How about you give us a good answer?"

Goku struggled to form the right words. "I just showed Vegeta a new technique and I think it overwhelmed him."

" _Now_ you've got me curious." Krillin attempted to peek past Goku beyond the door. "Can I see this new move too?"

"I don't think you'd like it as much as he did." Android 18 observed the tips of Goku's ears glow red. "He liked it so much he made a mess all over the place."

"Did he?" 18 crossed her arms. "What kind of mess are we talking about?"

"I'll be right back!" Goku slammed the door shut.

"Those two are weird, right?" Krillin toyed with one of the zippers on his jacket. It still got cool in this part of the world in November. "Goku was never so cryptic when he was younger."

18 punched the door hard enough to make a dent in the wood. "He's got his hands full with that Vegetable Man.  _Hyah!_ " She kicked the doorknob clean off.

"Looks like I've got my hands full too," Krillin muttered.

Five minutes later, the door opened again and Goku's full body made its appearance. He gave the lame excuse of having to vigorously scrub his hands and change clothes before he was presentable. After apologizing, he invited them both inside. When both 18 and Krillin plopped down on the living room couch, another one of the legs broke under their weight.

"Damn. Sorry about that." Goku flopped backwards onto the sofa chair next to the couch. "Everything's been breaking around here lately." He glared at the bedroom door.

Krillin scanned the room. "Why isn't Vegeta out here?"

"Because I can't move!" Vegeta shouted into the hallway.

18 smirked at Goku. "Why is that?"

"Kakarot punched me in the asshole and now my legs don't work!"

Goku sunk down further into the chair. "Vegeta, how could you?"

"How could  _I_? How could  _you_? I may never walk again!"

"They don't want to hear about that!" Goku screamed even louder.

"You could at least help me get this stupid thing off my waist!"

Goku scrambled up from the chair. "Sorry again. I'll be right back." The loud screaming of a tea kettle bled from the kitchen. "Crap. Hold on—"

"I'll make the tea. You take care of that poor man," 18 said.

"Thanks." Goku jogged to the bedroom. "Dammit Vegeta, you came all over my belt too!" He kicked the door shut behind him.

18 ran into the kitchen and killed the flame on the stove. The screaming of the kettle cut short like someone slit its throat. She had absolutely zero interest in tea.

All her adult life she had in her possession a flawless bullshit detector. And the Son home reeked like a goddamn manure factory. Vegeta had been excited to get married months ago, but hadn't kept in touch with her at _all_  about his plans. Naturally Goku wasn't going to organize anything, so it wasn't like he'd taken over her duties in her absence. What changed in the past four months?

 _Time to do a little snooping._ This was the first time she'd stood in Goku's kitchen all by herself. She figured she had a good three minutes to sleuth before Vegeta's clueless fiancé showed his face again.

On the fridge were cute knick-knacks and photos of Goku's sons as children. Nothing special there. Inside of the fridge was just as inconspicuous. But what were these bags on the kitchen table? Groceries?

"Honey," Krillin yelled from the living room, "could you make me an Earl Grey?"

18 ignored her instinct to hush him. She rustled through the paper bags. They were empty for the most part. A few razor blades, some body wash…and…what was this pink box at the bottom? Her thin, white fingers slipped to the bottom of the bag to excavate it. She held it into the air. "Holy shit!"

Krillin ran into the kitchen. "What's wrong?"

18 tossed the pregnancy test back into the grocery bag. By the grace of God, Goku stepped outside his bedroom just as it left her hands. "What's going on out here?" he asked. Behind him, Vegeta quietly limped into the living room wearing only a pair of sweatpants.

She gaped at the tattoo of Goku's name on Vegeta's right shoulder blade.  _That's new. "_ Nothing's going on. Everything normal!" she yelled. She dashed to the cupboard above the sink. "Where's the china?"

"Uh, definitely not there." Goku raised his brow. "Don't worry, I'll handle it. I need to get some ice for Vegeta anyway."

18 gulped. "Sure." She shuffled out of the kitchen back onto the couch. Krillin followed her with a worried look on his face.

 _Holy shit. Holy shit!_  Why did they have a pregnancy test? It was just purchased today, too. She saw the receipt right before chucking the ticking time bomb back into the bag where it belonged. The house was a frickin' sausage party, so why would they ever need a pregnancy test? Who was worried about getting knocked up?  _Who?_

Vegeta waved his hand in front of her face. "Hi."

"Oh! Hey!" She smiled a bit  _too_  hard. "How's it been?"

"Fine. I'm surprised Marron didn't tag along with you two."

"It  _is_  weird," Krillin said, rubbing his chin, "but she said she had to finish a sculpture she's been working on for weeks. That girl's more dedicated than I'll ever be."

"Yes." Vegeta turned his attention away from Krillin back to 18. "You're all jittery."

She giggled. "No I'm not!"

Goku crept into the living room balancing a large tea set. "Sorry again! I spilled some on the way in here."

Krillin squinted his eyes. "I've never seen you entertain guests before, Goku."

"I'd do it," Vegeta said, "except right now my ass feels like a nuclear bomb testing site."

Goku carefully set the tea platter down on the coffee table. He tossed Vegeta the bag of ice on the tray. "Quit it!"

18 poured herself a cup of green tea. A little bit splashed outside the china and dripped onto the wooden table top. "Shoot. Do you have any baby wipes?"

Everyone stared at her. Goku scratched his head. "Huh?"

 _Dammit_. "I meant napkins."

Krillin shoved the stack of napkins sitting in plain sight in her direction. 18 nearly knocked her cup over attempting to clean up the spill. Krillin wrinkled his forehead. "You okay, honey?"

"Uh-huh!"  _Gotta clear my thoughts. I can't be so sloppy!_  "Oh, Vegeta. I just remembered—I heard a cool nursery rhyme on the radio earlier today."

Vegeta shifted his weight on top of the bag of ice under his ass. "Nursery rhyme? What the hell are you talking about?"

18's eyes widened. "I meant…rap…song?"

Goku blew across the surface of his tea. "I heard a weird song the other day that sounded like a bunch of babies crying." He gasped and nearly dropped his drink in his lap.

18 stared at him. He stared back. "Krillin," 18 blurted out, "I left the gas on at home."

"We have an electric stove, baby."

"Hold up." Vegeta held his hand in the air. "You're leaving already? I assumed you came over to discuss the wedding."

18 bit her thumb. "You're in a lot of pain right now. Maybe you should get some rest and we'll talk later?"

" _You're_  partially at fault for me being in this situation in the first place."

"That's great, Vegeta." 18 put down her barely-sipped cup of tea. "Thanks for the food, Goku!"

"You're welcome?"

18 grabbed Krillin by the collar. "Let's go!"

"But—"

"C'mon!" She tugged him off the couch and through the front door. 18 smiled over her shoulder. "See you guys later!"

Goku waved. "Good—"

She didn't stick around long enough to hear the second syllable. Moments later she and her husband were two specks in the sky.

* * *

Android 18 and Krillin's strange visit didn't distract Goku from his main project for the day. He spent the rest of the morning and early afternoon toiling away on what  _should_  have been finished months ago.

The last time he'd built anything was the summer after he got married at the tender age of eighteen. All those years ago Ox King helped him build the house he raised his family in. He hadn't taken the experience for granted. Paired with the construction work he did as part of Master Roshi's training regimen, Goku was savvy enough to build a studio even Vegeta could enjoy.

He didn't have to be an engineer like Bulma to know how to construct a sturdy building. He knew how to test the moisture levels of the soil in the backyard before he laid down a proper foundation. A one story square building with a loft could easily be supported by concrete reinforced with light steel girders. And Vegeta probably wanted something more stylish than his house—maybe glass windows could stand in for the outer walls of the studio. But glass was heavy, and summers where they lived could be brutal. He'd have to do research on what kind of glass to buy and whether or not it'd turn the whole building into an oven whenever temperatures skyrocketed.

And what did he have to show for all of his knowledge? A hole in the ground with only the hints of a solid foundation evident. He sat cross-legged at the edge of the pit he'd started four months ago. What the hell happened?

Idly, he slid his hammer from his reclaimed tool belt and twirled it in his hand. He was unbelievably happy to be mates with Vegeta, but everyday felt...frozen.

What was that old show from the 60s called?  _The Twilight Zone_. Their existence was like that. He and his mate were stuck in some alternate dimension where they couldn't move on with their lives.

Their newly formed emotional telepathy—which Goku didn't know had a proper name until recently—made him all too aware of how pained his partner had grown as the months rolled by. The one time Vegeta made an offhanded remark about how fertile Saiyans were  _supposed_  to be clued Goku in on how dire their situation was.  _Well, Vegeta thinks it's dire._  Goku didn't share the same longing to have more children.

Worst of all, all he could do to make Vegeta happy was build something he could barely focus on. Every morning he woke up, he had to step over a pile of paints or a stack of Vegeta's drawings that barely fit in their bedroom. Vegeta never complained about the lack of space, but he  _should_  have.

Goku squeezed his fists together.  _I'm going to finish this by the end of the week if it kills me._

* * *

 

It was that awkward hour when the work day ended but it wasn't quite time for dinner. Goku had finished pouring cement into the foundation earlier, so he was in high spirits. He looked upside down at Vegeta with his head hanging off the edge of their bed. Months ago they'd bought a new frame as well as a fluffier mattress. "What do you want to do now, Veggie?"

Vegeta paced back and forth at the opposite end of the room. He flipped through a large sketchbook. "I suppose I could take that test."

Goku grinned. "Fourth time's the charm, right?"

Vegeta tossed the sketchbook on the bed. It landed next to Goku's head. "Sure." He walked into the bathroom.

To distract himself from the sound of streaming pee, Goku flipped through the pages of the book. Square blocks of color drawn in pastel crayon filled the first page. They were arranged in a specific design that was pleasing to the eye, though Goku couldn't explain why. He turned the page and saw something completely different: comic panels with loose, dynamic sketches of bodies filling each one.

He opened his mouth to ask a question. The bathroom door slid open. He looked up. "Hey. How'd it go in there?"

Vegeta stared down at the carpet. He smiled. "Negative again."

The muted reaction made Goku's heart skip a beat. "Oh." He sat up on the bed. "Um, that's okay! Next month will probably be different. Right?"

"Right."

"And all the fun's in trying, anyway." Goku winked. "Another full moon's coming up in a few days."

"It is."

Goku wrung his hands together. "I was thinking—it's stressful to keep taking these tests, right? Maybe we should just wait until it happens so it's a surprise!"

"That could work."

"And, uh, I know how much you like seeing Pan. We can babysit her more often if you want."

The look on Vegeta's face told Goku bringing up Pan was the absolute  _worst_  thing he could do. "Kakarot," he said slowly, "I don't think I can have children."

"Come on, Vegeta. It's only been four months. Four!" Goku laughed. "That's nothing. I hear for some people it can take over a year!"

"Some people?" Vegeta leaned backwards. "How long did it take for your wife to have Gohan?"

All the color drained from Goku's face. Or at least it felt that way. "Chi-Chi got pregnant right after we married. But that doesn't have anything to do with us."

"Yes it does. It means whatever problem we have is because of me."

Vegeta radiated a strange energy that made Goku fear he'd burst into flames if he attempted a hug at this point. "We have the rest of our lives to have kids. Why the rush?"

"Rush?" Vegeta pinched the bridge of his nose. "I'm just—I'm not fucking rushing  _anything_." Finally, he peeled his eyes away from the carpet to stare back at Goku. "I'm just going about my normal life with a mate. I should be pregnant by now. But I'm not. I'm not mad I can't have a baby sooner. I'm just upset that my body isn't  _working._  At  _all_."

"Your body is fine!"

"It is not. Four month is uncalled for in our species."

"What can I do to fix it?"

"Nothing." Vegeta spun around. "I'm going on a walk."

Goku jumped off the edge of the bed. "Can I tag along?"

Vegeta dug around in their closet and pulled out a leather coat. "Not this time." He cracked opened the window and hopped onto the ledge. "I'll cook when I get back."

"You don't have to do that. I'll take you out somewhere!"

Vegeta gave a curt nod. He jumped off the ledge and flew into the sky. The wall shook in his wake.

Goku collapsed backwards onto the bed. "Shit."  _What now?_

The heavy quiet of the room spooked him. And the sudden drop in temperature. Stupid open window. He sat up to close it.

" **Hello, Kakarot."**

Goku froze.  _No. No way._

" **Ahem."**

He craned his neck toward the bedroom door. A giant apparition hovered above the carpet. "G…gho…"

" **Calm down. I'm Vegeta's father."** He rolled his eyes. **"And apparently according to Earth customs, your future father-in-law."**

"You're…you're a…"

" **Relax. I just came to help with—"**

"GHOST!" Goku scooted backwards across the bed. Once he ran out of bed, he crashed onto the floor.

" **Now just hold on a second!"**

Goku crawled up from the carpet. He pointed a shaking finger at the otherworldly being. "GHOST!"

" **Yes. Ghost. We've established that."**

" _Eeeee_!" Goku somersaulted backwards out the window.

" **You've** _ **got**_ **to be kidding!"**

Goku clawed across the lawn outside on all fours.  _Why me? Why again!_ The dew-laden grass made it hard for him to make much leeway.  _Gotta get as far away as possible!_

"FATHER!" Someone was screaming in the front yard. "I've got something to show you!"

 _Sweet Trunks! Sweet, innocent, living, breathing Trunks!_  Goku dashed around the perimeter of the house. Trunks and Goten stood on the front step, hand-in-hand. "Boys! I'm so glad you're here!"

"Me too, Goku." Trunks flashed a shit-eating grin. It was the kind of look Goku missed seeing on Vegeta's face as of late. The boy shoved a sheet of paper into his chest. "It's official. Look at this."

Goku absentmindedly took the paper in his hands. "This is nice, but I gotta tell you guys about what's inside the house!"

"Take a peek at that certificate before you say another word."

Goku rubbed his face. Cool sweat dripped down his forehead onto his neck. "What's the big deal about this thing? I really have to…have to…" He squinted down at the paper. "What the—? This isn't what I think it is, is it?"

Trunks puffed out his chest. "It is!"

"Goten!" Goku looked up at his son. "You didn't!"

"Sorry, Dad." Goten rubbed the back of his neck.

"Boys," Goku wheezed, "this is a  _marriage_ certificate."

"Yep!" Trunks squeezed Goten between his arms. "Goten and I are a legally married couple now!"

Goku's jaw dropped. "Vegeta's going to  _kill_ you!"

"Oh man." Trunks rubbed his hands together. "I can't  _wait_  to see the look on his face. He's going to shit bricks!"

Goku stared at the certificate again. "Who was your witness?"

A tiny voice rose from behind Goten. "That would be me, Uncle Goku."

"Marron, no!" The young girl dragged herself out from behind Goten's protective shadow. She looked absolutely ragged in her stained art smock, ripped jeans, and long-sleeved shirt with the bottom half completely missing. "What the hell happened to  _you_?"

"Things got weird in Vegas."

" _Vegas!_ " Goku screamed.

Marron rolled up the right sleeve of her shirt. A multicolored tattoo scaled the inside of her wrist. "See?"

Goku grabbed both sides of his head. The certificate floated to the ground. "Holy shit!"

Trunks planted his hands on his hips. His laugh echoed in the mountain valley. "Guess who beat you to the altar, Dad!" He pointed at his chest. " _This_  guy!"


	2. Part Two

Fresh saltwater filled Vegeta's mouth. He'd never been as good of a swimmer as Goku. That son of a bitch swam like a fish. In moving water Vegeta had as much grace as a log tumbling down a waterfall, which was especially bad news seeing as he was currently wading across a freezing ocean all by his lonesome.

The burning pain in his muscles wasn't just from swimming hundreds of miles in the past hour. Earlier he'd ran clear across the continent, which was bat shit crazy even for him. Learning to fly as a child robbed his youth of the joys of moving his legs for the sake of amusement: therefore sprinting, jogging, long-distance running, and whatever-the-fuck else people called it never became his "thing."

Predictably by the time he reached the coast, he puked his guts out from exertion.

 _At least I've never been seasick._ Water rushed past his ears and sucked away the sound of the ocean waves crashing around him. This type of pain was easy. This, he could control. If he kept swimming, he lived. If he stopped, the hundred-foot-high waves would swallow him and he'd drown.

Stroke. Stroke. How long before he saw land again? And would he keep running once he reached shore?

His leg cramped.  _Fuck._ An inerrant thought wiggled past the barricade in his mind.  _I'm getting old._

He'd spent the last few hours batting away the pesky train of thought. But no matter how many waves he climbed, he wasn't going to wipe his mind of the truth. For a freshly-mated Saiyan male, he was old.

In the past, Bulma complained it wasn't fair he never looked a day over thirty the whole time she knew him. And he couldn't deny he was still in his prime as a fighter. But he and Goku were reaching the stage in their lives where most Saiyan men were dead from succumbing to one fight too many. The lucky ones still alive by their age had plenty of kids running around to take over as leaders of their clan.

The ticking of his biological clock was more like a timer counting down to a detonation. Maybe it explained why he couldn't get pregnant. After all, submissive Saiyan mates didn't bear children forever. The effect the past three moon cycles had on him  _may_  have been his body riding out what little vestiges of fertility it had left. If in two days he didn't go into heat as scheduled, he just might have a heart attack. Goku wouldn't be happy with that.

 _I waited too long to snag Kakarot for myself._ The guilty thought draped over his brain like a wet blanket.

"Hidey-ho, neighbor!"

 _The hell?_ The thunderous claps of the waves made it hard for him to pinpoint the source of the greeting. A white shark peeped its head out from beneath the surface of the water to his right. Black, shiny eyes stared back at him.  _Is this stupid thing seriously trying to strike up a conversation with me?_

"How're you?" The shark bared all its teeth as a sign of good will. "Whatcha doing out here all alone?"

Vegeta zipped through the water. "Swimming."

"Where are you headed?"

"None of your business."

"Hold on a second, partner." The shark glided through the water and swam literal circles around him. "There's something funny about you."

Vegeta didn't care for the talking animals on Earth like Goku did. Most of the ones he encountered were exceedingly dumb, regardless if they walked around on land or not. Goku had called him racist once for suggesting the government "round all of them up and kill them," which in hindsight had been an overreaction. "I don't recall telling you any jokes," Vegeta said with as much respect he could muster.

"It wasn't something you said. It's something you're  _doing._ "

"What is it I'm doing that's so offensive?"

"You  _smell_."

Vegeta clenched his teeth and counted to five. "Are you sure you aren't confusing me with your own stench?"

The shark drifted closer to his face. "It's just that me and my buddies thought you were a lady on her period or something. We can tell from miles away and it's very…distracting." The shark's maw spread wide until his face split into a wicked smile. "We treat bleeding ladies well in these parts."

 _Wow. Am I being sexually harassed or does he want to eat me?_ "I'm not bleeding. Go away.  _Now_."

"You sure? I'm confused 'cause you don't look like a lady up close. You still look and smell tasty, of course."

Vegeta punched the shark square in the nose. It skidded across the water and disappeared into the dark horizon.  _Goddamn idiot animals_.

Icy rain pounded against his forehead.  _At least I know I'm going in heat for sure._  His irritation from the little roadblock cleared once he remembered fish was one of Goku's favorite dishes.

He laughed. Water rushed into his mouth again. Hopefully the shark wouldn't be too hard to find once more.

* * *

"I'm going to be honest with you, 18. I think you've gone off the deep end."

Android 18 focused all of her concentration on the new whiteboard in the middle of her living room. Across its surface were hand-drawn charts, graphs, and hastily scribbled conspiracy theories. "Krillin. Somebody in Goku's house may or may not be pregnant." She banged her fist against the board. "The  _truth_  is out there!"

Krillin reclined on the couch while smashing his stubby thumbs against the 3DS in his hands. "You sure your eyes weren't playing tricks on you? I bet it was a box of Kleenex or something."

"I have perfect vision." 18 paced in a circle. If she had laser vision there'd be a sizzling hole in the carpet where she fixed her gaze. "It was a pregnancy test. No doubt about it."

"Let's say it  _was_  a pregnancy test." Krillin smiled and shook his head as if dawning across the most obvious answer in the world. "We both know it wasn't intended to be used by a man—YES! Screw you, Luigi!"

Android 18 released a long sigh. Krillin was right. "Dammit!" She assaulted the whiteboard with her iron fist again. The writing beneath her hand smeared. "But only men live in that house.  _Men_! What the hell do they need a pregnancy test for?"

"Maybe it was meant to be used by someone who doesn't live there."

"Who? Who even goes over there that often? It's in the middle of nowhere."

The flashing animations and lights across Krillin's 3DS screen signaled his victory. He flipped the screen closed. "Hehe. Maybe Trunks or Goten will be a daddy soon?"

Android 18 wagged her finger in his face. "Yeah right. They're dating. And even if that were true, there's no way they'd leave something like that out in the open." She tapped the tip of her chin. "I noticed there were razors in the grocery bag too. I'm certain neither of them have a follicle of hair on their baby faces. One of the Saiyan dads bought it for sure."

"So you're telling  _me_  Goku or Vegeta bought a pregnancy test for another woman?" Krillin picked up the neglected can of beer on the coffee table and tapped the lid. "That doesn't seem like something Goku would do. Vegeta on the other hand…"

"Who would Vegeta buy a test for?"

Krillin and 18 stared at each other. Krillin burst into a fit of chuckles. "Of course it couldn't be—"

"Marron?" 18 scoffed. "She likes girls."

Krillin froze his finger over the can of beer. "Where's she been all day?"

"In her studio. Right?"

"Did she ever come in for lunch?"

"No."

Krillin popped open the can. White foam spilled into his lap. "Ugh!" He wiped his leg with his palm. "This is silly. I'll call her now and ask if she's ready to come in for dinner. I'm sure she was just too busy to eat." He sipped away the excess foam while using his free hand to call Marron on his cell. Seconds later 18 heard a soft voice speak on the opposite end of the line. Krillin laughed. "Hey Marron! How's it going?" He nodded his head toward his wife in reassurance.

18 let her shoulders droop. Of course her daughter wasn't pregnant.

"Oh. Huh." Krillin's eyes darted up at 18. "Is that so? You're over Goku and Vegeta's house?"

18 slid down on the couch next to her husband and shoved her ear toward the phone receiver.  _There's no way._

Krillin's right eye twitched. "No, it's fine if you decided to hang out there. Wait—you're going to spend the night? No, that's fine too. You're in a hurry? Alright honey, we'll see you tomorrow. Goodni—" Krillin pulled his face away from the phone. "She hung up."

18 stood. "We can't go over there at the same time. She'll freak."

"Right." Krillin chewed his bottom lip. "Call me if shit hits the fan, okay?"

"What's the code word?"

"'Chestnut' if I'm going to be a grandfather."

18 grabbed her jacket from the coat rack behind the front door. "Gotcha. Wish me luck."

* * *

Goku scrubbed Marron's arm beneath the kitchen faucet's stream. "Why isn't it coming off!"

"It's a tattoo, Uncle. It's never coming off."

"Dammit!" He dropped her wrist into the sink. "Kiddo, your parents are  _not_  going to be happy with this."

"I know." She grabbed a nearby dishtowel and dried her arm off. "That's why I'm never telling them. I'm spending the night so I can think of a good way to hide it."

For the umpteenth time, Goku carded his hand through his hair. The bad habit made his beating heart even out a little. "This isn't like you, Marron."

She stared down at the colorful tattoo on her arm, twisting her wrist to and fro to admire it from all angles. "It's not perfect, but I can touch it up myself."

Goku nearly fell over. "You're going to put another needle into your skin? Are you nuts?" He pressed the back of his palm against her forehead. "Maybe you're sick."

"I'm in love." Marron traced the curlicues of inked letters on her flesh. "Her name is Mindy."

"Are you sure? Because your tattoo looks like it spells 'Mandy.'"

"It's  _Mindy!_ " Marron glared daggers up at Goku. "And you have a new tattoo, too. It has something to do with Uncle Vegeta, doesn't it?"

"That's  _completely_ different!" Without thinking, Goku scratched the back of his right shoulder. "I only got this because—"

"Because you love him." Marron smiled. "It's the same for me too!"

Goku grabbed her shoulders and spun her around. "Get out of here and put some new clothes on. Your mom and dad will kill me if you still look like this come tomorrow morning." He scooted her out of the kitchen into the living room. "Goten, can you give Marron something to wear? She's spending the night."

The tangled pile of bodies on the couch ignored them. Goku witnessed Trunks French kiss his son like he was diving for treasure, so speaking to them was an exercise in futility. He lifted his foot and jabbed Goten's back with the toe of his boot. "Hey! Cut it out for a sec!"

"Whua?" Goten raised his head to stare blankly at Marron. "Sure, whatever. Go check out my closet." Trunks dragged him back across the couch into another kiss.

"Thank you." Marron skipped up the stairs. "Oh Mindy, you came and you gave without taking," she sang as she rounded the corner.

Goku returned his focus to the skirmish on the couch. "Geez. You two are going at it like a pack of wild animals." When they ignored him again, he grabbed the back of Goten's collar and held him above the couch. "You need to breathe, son!"

Goten clawed around in the air, much like a kitten held by the scruff of the neck. "Dad, you're _embarrassing_ me!"

Trunks pointed his finger toward the ground. "Put my husband down."

 _Husband!_ The foreign word shocked Goku into dropping his son back on the cushions. "I need to have a chat with you two." He sat down on the sofa chair adjacent to them. "Please don't tell me you got married just to piss Vegeta off."

The two boys spoke simultaneously, their frantic words stepping over each other. Trunks cleared his throat to silence Goten. "We thought it'd be a smart thing to do."

"Smart?" Goku closed his eyes. This was worse than he thought. "There's nothing smart about eloping to spite your parents."

"No, no, no. You don't get it." Trunks flashed that signature Vegeta smirk that was becoming too familiar on his young face. "We both figured if you and my dad were getting married, it only made sense if  _we_  did, too. Besides, we have a stronger relationship than you two. It only made sense that we—"

"Hold it.  _What_?" Goku pressed his thumb against the growing pressure between his eyes. All those years Vegeta suffered from migraines suddenly made sense. "I've known your father since before you were born, Trunks. Why would you say that about us?"

"Yeah, and I've heard  _aaall_  about that. He didn't even like you until recently."

"That's not true." If he pressed his thumb any harder against his skull it was going to crack. "All of that is beside the point. You two are barely adults."

Trunks flopped backwards on the couch with both his arms behind his head. His eyes wandered everywhere except for on Goku's face. "I'll break it down for you. Goten and I have been best friends since we were kids, right?"

"You're still kids."

Trunks rolled his eyes. "What I'm saying is that we know each other like the back of our hands. I can read Goten's mind, and he can read mine." Trunks snapped his fingers. "Goten, what number am I thinking of right now?"

"Five," Goten chirped.

Trunks shrugged. "See?"

"Oh, come _on_!" Goku crossed his arms. "You're bluffing!"

"It's true, Dad." Goten grabbed a pen from the coffee table and scribbled a number on his arm. "Trunks, what number did I write down?"

"Seventeen."

Goten twisted his arm to reveal the number "17" written in giant blocky letters on his wrist. "Told ya."

"This is silly, boys." Goku extended both his palms, completely helpless to sway their minds. "Marriage means more than that."

Trunks coughed. "I bet you couldn't guess a number my dad was thinking."

"Yes I  _could_!"

Goten leaned all his weight against Trunks. "I didn't think you'd be this upset, Dad. I thought you were happy I'm with Trunks."

"I  _am_  happy you two are together. But that doesn't mean I think you should've gotten hitched after thinking about it for two seconds the moment breakfast ended!"

Goten winced at his raised voice. "You and Mom got married at our age and you two barely knew each other."

"That's not…" What? What could he even say to that?  _Hey son, maybe hold the phone on making life-long commitments because one day you may wake up and see the person sleeping next to you doesn't get your motor running because you'd rather have a dick in your hand than a breast._

No. He definitely couldn't say any of that. Especially since the issue of breasts wasn't relevant to Goten at all. "Getting married at eighteen years old is a huge mistake. Trust me."

The sound of shattering glass broke the thick silence between them. Goku stood up. Goten and Trunks jumped off the couch, but Goku held his arm out to still them. "Don't move."

"Was that in the kitchen?" Goten asked, craning his neck back to peep down the hallway.

"Yeah." Slowly putting one foot in front of the other, Goku crept from the living room into the kitchen.  _Did Marron come back in here and we didn't notice?_ Shards of glass covered half the floor. A small hole had been punched through the window above the sink. Goku tiptoed over the glass and stuck his head out the window. Nothing but howling wind and a bright moon greeted him.

Another loud shatter filled the air. He ran out of the kitchen toward his bedroom, fighting away the irrational fear of seeing a ghost behind the door.

"What's going on?" Trunks asked.

"Someone's trying to get inside. Just stay still."

"But we can help—"

" _Hush!"_ Goku covered Trunks's mouth. "I don't want you getting hurt by it!"

Trunks pried Goku's hand from his face. "'It?'"

Goku ignored him. With one swift kick, he opened the bedroom door wide open. He hadn't expected to see someone with flesh and bones staring back at him.

Well… _staring_  wasn't the right word. Whoever it was had a huge red scarf wrapped around the top half of his face. His hoodie and baggy sweatpants made him look like a punk off the street, so it probably wasn't a foe from space Goku had to worry about. But who would go traipsing up to a mountain village to rob  _him_?

The burglar had his hands elbow-deep in Goku's top dresser drawer. Goku stepped closer. "Who are you?"

The man ran backwards and slipped out the window. Part of his scarf caught on the jagged edge of the broken glass and tore clean off.

"Hey!" Goku IT'd outside of the house and appeared right beside a patch of bushes near the front porch. The burglar barreled into him and crashed to the ground.

"Shit!" The man clutched at the side of his face. "You knocked out my hearing aid!"

 _Huh? Hearing aid?_ In the split second he was distracted, the burglar leaned back on his hands and shoved both heels of his sneakers into Goku's exposed gut. He flew backwards into the house. The wall of the living room collapsed from the impact, burying Goku in a pile of rubble.

"Dad!" Goten powered up and flew toward him. "Are you alright?"

"Ya-huh." The pressure of all the metal and stone crushing him was nothing compared to the pain in his stomach. "Wow, that guy is strong!"

"Where is he?" Trunks peered out the crumbling side of the house. "I don't see the bastard!"

The burglar appeared out of thin air beside Goku. He popped and locked his shoulders in glee. Once done dancing, he stuck up both middle fingers. "Haha. Suck my dick!" Before any of them could react, he pressed two fingers to his forehead and disappeared.

Goten tripped over the bricks on the ground and landed on his rear near Goku. "No way!"

Trunks rubbed his eyes. "Did he just—?"

"Use Instant Transmission? Yeah." Goku pulled himself from his cement tomb. He dusted away all of the small bits of gravel stick in his shirt and pants. "Weird, right?"

"Weird? That's impossible!" Goten used his fingers to comb debris from his hair. "I thought you and those Yardrat people only knew that technique!"

"I guess that's not true anymore." Goku lifted up his shirt. An ugly bruise painted the lower half of his belly. "I wish that guy stuck around longer. Vegeta's the only other person I know that can kick that hard."

Goten coughed. Settling dust clouded the air. "Not that I'm complaining, but couldn't he have kicked you miles away if that were the case? Why'd he have to wreck only one side of the house?"

"He did it on purpose. I could tell 'cause I absorbed most of the energy behind that kick." He poked his stomach and winced. "Yeesh. Brutal."

"It was obviously a chick's voice I heard," Trunks said.

Goten shook his head. "Why would a woman tell us to suck her dick? That was a guy for sure." Goten snapped his fingers in front of Goku's face. "Dad, what's up with you? You keep smiling at the hole in the wall."

"I'm trying to figure something out."

"Aren't you worried about the house?"

Goku blinked himself out of his daydream. The living room was now a gazebo. "Whoops. We gotta fix that."

Goten held Trunks's hand as they both whistled at the damage around the room. Goten scratched the back of his head. "What did that guy come here for anyway?"

"I think he wanted something of mine." Goku motioned the boys to follow him into his bedroom. He rummaged through the top drawer of his dresser. "Let's see…Huh. That's strange. Nothing's missing."

Goten glanced around Goku's broad shoulders to get a closer look. "What about that bag? It's open."

"This?" Goku picked up a small satchel sticking out from under a pair of boxer shorts. "This is only a bunch of senzu beans." He quickly glanced inside it. "Looks like they're still here."

"So you're saying someone came here to just break your stuff." Trunks walked out of the room. "If you had let us help you earlier, this wouldn't have happened!"

Goku ignored Trunks's complaints and took the moment of solitude with Goten to smile at him. Goten tilted his head to the side. "Dad, you're weirding me out. Why are you happy?"

"That guy had Vegeta's scent all over him. He must be wearing his clothes."

Goten looked around the room. "He stole the clothes from in here?"

"Nah." Goku poked his stomach again. His abs tensed from the pain. "Vegeta knows him. I'm sure of it."

"Really? From where?"

"No idea."

A high-pitched wail traveled from upstairs. "Guys, the toilet fell through the floor!"

Goku dragged himself from the room. "Can you go help Marron while I fix up the living room? Vegeta will kill us all if he sees the mess I made."

* * *

For the second time that day, Android 18 landed on Goku's doorstep. Instead of deferring to her instinct to kick the door wide open, she rapped a dainty hand against the entrance. "Hello?"

Compared to earlier Goku took longer to answer. He opened the door in a huff. "18? What are you doing here so late?"

She peeped over his shoulder. In the living room Goten and Marron were gathering broken rocks into plastic bags. Trunks was reconstructing an entire missing wall of the living room with cement and bricks. "What the hell happened in there?"

"There was an accident. Come on inside." He opened the door wider as she sashayed past him.

Marron dropped her bag of bricks. "Mom!"

"Hey." As if she owned the place, 18 fell backwards onto the couch. "What's up?"

"I th—I thought I said I was spending the night?" Marron slid her right arm behind her back.

"I know. I only wanted to see what you all were up to." 18 winked at Goku. "Looks like you wrecked the place since I last saw it."

"Hehe. Don't tell Vegeta." Goku inspected Trunks's work from afar. "You need to fix the dripping cement on the last row you did. It's sloppy."

Trunks muttered under his breath. 18 studied the cheerful look on Goku's face. "So you're keeping secrets from Vegeta now?"

"Secrets? No. I just don't want him knowing how bad this was before he gets home." Goku frowned at the clock on the wall. "Which will hopefully be soon. He's never been away this long."

"Speaking of secrets," 18 said, steamrolling over Goku's loneliness, "does anyone have any secrets they want to air out?"

"I hate this and it sucks," Trunks said.

"Great." 18 clapped her hands together. "What about you, Goten?"

"Uhh." He rubbed his chin. "I got married a few hours ago. Does that count as a secret, Trunks?"

"Shut-up, Goten!" Marron screeched.

"What?" 18 wiggled a finger in her ear. "Are you joking?"

"Heh." Trunks waved his metal trowel through the air. "It's true."

18 gaped her mouth wide open. "Goku! Is this  _your_ doing?"

"Don't look at me!" He looked down at the floor. "I had nothing to do with it. They ran off to Vegas to elope. Even Vegeta doesn't know yet."

"Did  _you_  know about it, Marron? Hmm?" 18 spun around on the couch to stare at her daughter. As fascinating Goten and Trunks's nuptials were, there were bigger issues at hand.

"I—I don't know!"

18 narrowed her eyes. "Are you hiding something from me?"

Marron dropped her bag. "I…I can't…"

"You  _are_  hiding something!"

Goku, Trunks, and Goten shot each other confused glances. Meanwhile, Marron crumbled to the floor from the psychological pressure only a parent could inflict. "Mom, please don't be mad at me."

"What did you do that would make me angry?"

"I did it on the spur of the moment!" Tears slid down Marron's face. "I did it out of love!"

18 jumped up from the couch. "You're pregnant!"

Goku fell backwards and tumbled to the floor. "She is?!"

"Huh?" Marron looked down at her stomach. "I'm not pregnant." Shyly, she held her arm out toward 18. "I got a tattoo."

Trunks shook his head in shame. "You're a disgrace, Marron."

18 ran around the couch and grabbed her wrist. "Who in the world is 'Mandy'?"

Marron snatched her arm away. "Her name is Mindy.  _Mindy!"_

18 glided her thumb against Marron's pale wrist. "Dad won't be happy. As for me?" She smiled. "I'm only upset it looks so ugly. You're an artist. You should know better."

Marron wiped her forehead. "That's good to hear."

Goku picked up Marron's abandoned bag and finished collecting the chunks of broken wall on the floor. "Uh, 18? Why'd you think Marron was pregnant? Did you come all the way over here just to ask?"

It was now or never. She'd have to play detective another time. Goku held water as well as Marron, so if he knew the answer to her mystery he'd crack as well. "Earlier today I saw a pregnancy test in your kitchen."

Goku dropped his bag. "Hahaha, you  _did_?"

 _Oh shit. I was right!_ 18 used every ounce of her willpower to stop her mouth from curling into a devilish smile. Hopefully the man didn't think she was having an epileptic fit, what with the way her lips were twitching. "I sure did. Why was it there?"

Trunks lost interest in the task given to him. "Yeah, Goku. Why  _was_  there a pregnancy test here?"

18 wanted to jump up and down. Like she deduced, Trunks had nothing to do with the test!

"Uhh…" Goku turned a lovely shade of maroon. "I'm not allowed to talk about it with other people."

 _Yes. YES! I get to play Columbo after all!_ 18 held a hand to her chest to steady her breath. "Who told you that?"

"Vege—aw crap!"

18 rubbed her hands together.  _This is too perfect._  "So Mr. Vegeta wants to keep a pregnancy test a secret from even his own son. Why is that?"

"I want to know too," Marron said, "I had no idea!"

"Me neither. What's up, Dad?" Goten chimed in.

"Yeah  _Dad_ , what's going on?" Trunks placed his chin in his hands and looked as innocent as a violet-haired angel.

"It's mean to gang up on me like this, guys." Goku sat down on the couch. 18 followed him and sat so close their thighs touched. Goku shuddered. "I really can't tell you. Not right now anyway."

"That's fine, Goku. You don't have to give away Vegeta's secrets." 18 pressed her face flush against his. "But there's nothing wrong with admitting whether or not a few questions I have are true or false, right?"

"Uh!" Goku pulled away from her. "I guess so?"

All the kids ran up to the couch to surround Goku. 18 cracked her knuckles. "Great. True or false: the pregnancy test was bought by Vegeta."

Goku sighed. "I don't like this game."

"Tell me."

"Fine. False."

 _I wasn't expecting that answer._ 18 bit her lip. "Interesting. True or false: the pregnancy test was bought by  _you_."

"True."

"Why'd you buy a pregnancy test? Who's pregnant?" Marron asked.

"Don't distract him, honey." 18 breathed deeply. "True or false: someone who lives here is pregnant."

Goku looked around for an escape. He was trapped. "False."

"Huh. True or false: someone who lives here is  _attempting_  to get pregnant."

"That…is true."

"What?" Goten gripped the back of the couch. "Really?"

The dour look on Goku's face made 18 feel like an inquisitor. Which was perfectly fine with her. She was so close to the truth she could taste its sweet, juicy filling! But there was still that blasted issue of biology. "True or false: a woman lives here."

"False." Goku's right thigh jiggled up and down. "I'm only going to answer one more question, okay?"

 _Dammit!_ Goku wouldn't lie to her face. But if what he said was true, what sense did it make that no women were involved in this situation? Her final question had to be perfect, but she'd already considered all the possibilities her mind slaved over for the past few hours. "True or false," she sighed, " _you're_  trying to get pregnant."

"False." Goku sighed in relief. "Whew, that was close!"

18 choked. The truth had been right in front of her the whole time. All along she knew Goku and Vegeta were aliens. And if Goku got a pregnancy test for someone else that lived in his house but there were no women around—

"No way." She leaned closer to his face. "Look me dead in the eyes and tell me Vegeta is trying to get pregnant!"

Goku's eyes darted around the room. "I can't answer that!"

She screamed. "He  _is!_  And he didn't even tell me?" That baffled her more than anything else. "How is that possible, Goku?"

"Dad told me Saiyan men can get pregnant if they mate." Smug, Trunks curled his thumbs through the belt loops on his pants. "I can't believe it. He's actually going through with it, isn't he? And after all the crap he gave me about promising never to mate with Goten!"

"Guys," Goku whined. "We can't talk about this."

Marron's eyes sparkled with the ferocity of a starry night sky. "Are you two really going to have a baby?"

"No one's pregnant!" Goku broke through the wall of people trapping him on the couch. "I'm serious. Don't say a word to this to him."

All the possibilities of alien male pregnancy plagued 18. How did it work? What did Vegeta have to do to get pregnant? Did his genitals look different now?  _I need to know!_ "Goku, please. No one's going to tell Vegeta anything. I just have a few more questions to—"

"No. No more questions." 18 had never seen him look so feral outside of battle. "If I find out  _any_  of you mentioned this to him, I'll make you pay for it." Trunks spoke a single syllable, but was brusquely cut off by Goku. "I mean it, Trunks. If I have to spend a whole day making your father feel better because of something you say, I won't allow you to come over here anymore."

Trunks stepped backwards. "I get it. My lips are sealed."

All the tension was sucked out of the air with Goku's abrupt laugh. "Great!" He bent over and pet Marron on the head. "You guys hungry? It's past dinner time."

18 clutched her chest.  _Did Goku just threaten all of us?_ She studied his innocent face for any hint of the ire it held only moments ago. "No thanks. I think I'm going to take Marron back home."

Goku smiled at her. "I thought Marron wanted to spend the night?"

"N-no, that's okay! Let's go, Mom." Marron rushed toward the front door and opened it in great haste.

"Thanks for clearing things up. I think." 18 followed her daughter out onto the porch. "See you guys later, okay?"

"Okay. Goodbye!" Goku waved right up until they slammed the door closed behind them.

"Whew." Marron shivered in the night air despite the sweatshirt she wore bearing the text 'SON GOTEN' across the chest. "I never knew Uncle Goku could be so scary and nice at the same time."

"Me neither." 18 looped her arm around Marron's neck. "It's fine, though. I'm going to speak with Vegeta tomorrow whether he likes it or not."

"That'll make him mad again!"

"Let him get mad." 18 squeezed her daughter's wrist. "Your dad's going to be scary too once we get home."

"Aw…"

* * *

Having dinner with his son and his… _son-in-law_  was difficult. And it had nothing to do with cooking the food. A deep feeling of dread overcame Goku as he listened to the two chat about their crazy trip in Vegas. They tiptoed around the fact they'd been drinking before saying their vows. Goku wanted to interject and point out the horrible mistake they made, but his mind kept drawing a blank every time he opened his mouth. It was too late. Unless they divorced, they were going to stay married. Nothing he said would change that.

Only after they finished eating and left him alone in the kitchen to wash the dishes did he realize the question he wanted to ask all evening.  _Are you happy, Goten?_

He laid his head against the cool kitchen table. Maybe getting married so young wasn't such a horrible decision. After all, he'd learned a lot himself while married.

" **Ahem."**

Goku jumped in his chair. Sitting comfortably across from him with his legs crossed was Vegeta's father. Goku's sensitive ears popped from the change in air pressure. "It's …it's—"

" **I'm trying to avoid frightening you again. Don't make this harder than it needs to be."**

Goku slid his hands across the goosebumps on his arms. "Did I do something bad?"

" **Bad? No."**  A disdainful quirk of his eyebrow betrayed his thoughts.  **"I'm just here to** _ **help**_ **."**

 _Breathe in. Breathe out. This is normal._  "Okay." Goku got up from the table and busied his hands with washing the dishes. Maybe it'd be easier to talk if he didn't have to stare into King Vegeta's cold eyes. "What is it I need help with…Your Majesty?"

"' **Your Majesty'?"**  King Vegeta laughed so hard, the kitchen floor shook. Goku caught a rogue cup that escaped from one of the cupboards and said a quick prayer the whole dish set didn't follow in suit.  **"Don't you know who I am?"**

"King of Planet Vegeta, right? I'm sorry about the whole Freiza thing." Goku hoped it sounded less dumb coming out of his mouth than in his head.

" **Psh!"**  A strong gust of wind blew against Goku's neck. He looked over his shoulder to see the King waving his giant hand in the air.  **"Who cares about that now? You and the half-breed took care of that lizard. I'm more interested in your relationship with my son for the time being."**

"Greeeat."

" **Ooh, you know what would be fun? If you called me 'Dad'!"**

Goku dropped a plate in the sink. "'Dad'?"

" **You** _ **are**_ **going to be my son-in-law. Since I'm going to be your father-in-law, I should have a new title."**

"Okay.  _Dad._ "

" **That's more like it!"**  King Vegeta laughed much more politely this time around. A small tremor made the house sway back and forth, but all of Goku's cabinets stayed shut.  **"Now that that's out of the way, what's delaying Vegeta's pregnancy?"**

 _Yup, this is the last thing I wanted to talk about ever._ " Nothing. We just have to be patient." Conversation done.

" **Patient? Back on Planet Vegeta women sometimes spawned so often the older babies took care of the younger babies. You two must be doing something wrong."** He grumbled deep in his chest.  **"I promised Vegeta I wouldn't watch you two in bed. So unfortunately I can't pinpoint the problem and save you both the time of this 'patience' nonsense."**

The screaming inside of Goku's mind intensified. "Thank you for, umm, not doing that."

" **Spit out the details. What is it you two do when Vegeta goes into heat?"**

Goku rubbed the back of his neck. Soapy water slid beneath the collar of his shirt and dampened the whole top of his back.  _Dammit_.  _I wish Vegeta were here._  "We just do stuff."

" **Stuff."**

"Yeah." He looked down at the dishes. Why was the piece of sauce stuck to the plate in his hand so hard to scrub off?!

King Vegeta sighed. **"Fine. How about I tell you what you** _ **shouldn't**_ **be doing?"**

Goku spun around. "There are rules?"

King Vegeta must have been impressed Goku finally looked him in the eye. He grinned.  **"Of course. If you are to impregnate my son then you shouldn't waste time doing anything that doesn't work toward that."**

Goku's nervous hands squeezed all the suds in the dish sponge onto the linoleum. "Like what?"

" **The position is absolutely crucial. You certainly shouldn't be doing anything that defies gravity."**  He swatted an imaginary fly in the air away from his face, completely derisive of Goku's feelings on the issue at hand.  **"You don't do anything silly such as have sex standing up, do you?"**

"Uh."

" **Dammit. I bet Vegeta puts you up to that, doesn't he?"**

Once again, Goku said the first thing to come to mind. "We both like it, Sir."

King Vegeta slapped his forehead.  **"Ugh. Don't tell me you're still doing that** _ **thing**_ **you like as well."**

"There's a thing I like?" This couldn't end well.

" _ **You**_ **know. Where you let my son mount you like** _ **you're**_ **the submissive one."** He wagged his kingly finger in Goku's face **. "Let me tell you this: it may seem funny at first but you won't be laughing when another month passes and I still have no grandson to account for. Stop with the jokes!"**

 _Jokes? Is he serious?_ Goku wasn't about to be bullied into giving up one of his favorite things, but he didn't want an angry ghost in his home either. "You're right. I won't do that again."  _Psych. I'm doing it tonight if I get lucky._

" **Good."** King Vegeta handed Goku the lone dirty plate still on the table.  **"By the way, this should be Vegeta's job."**

 _Cleaning the house isn't going to get Veggie knocked up._ Goku took the plate and scrubbed it clean. "Is there anything else I should be worried about, Dad?"  _Dad. Dad. Daaaad. I didn't even call Ox King 'Dad.' I've never called anyone that._

" **Yes. Is he properly lubricated?"**

The wet plate flew out of Goku's hands and broke in half the second it touched the bottom of the sink. The shards floated to the top of the dishwater. "What do you mean by that?"

" **Is he wet when you penetrate him?"**

Goku clenched his eyes shut. "Yeah, we try to make sure that isn't a problem."

" **Don't tell me you use that bottle of junk on your nightstand!"**

 _How does he know about that?_ Goku put all the clean dishes on the drying rack and dragged himself back to the kitchen table. Over the course of their conversation 'Dad' had worked himself up into a little huff and was twirling his beard between his fingers like crazy. "Is that the wrong thing to use?" Goku asked.

" **Vegeta should be self-lubricating every time you mate."**

"WHAT!" Frightened by the sound of his own yell, Goku shushed no one in particular out of bad habit. "You mean he gets all moist down—"

" **Yes."**

"That's  _freaky_!"

King Vegeta's face fell.  **"You haven't seen it happen."**  His brows knit together.  **"No wonder you're having problems."**

Now utterly fascinated, Goku scooted his chair closer to the ghost and planted his face in his palms akin to a child. "How would I know if he's doing…that?"

" **You'll know. Trust me."** King Vegeta wasn't as interested in the titillating aspects of mating at all as he continued his spiel.  **"It helps with absorbing your seed."**

Goku looked away. He thought he knew everything about Vegeta's body at this point.  _What else don't I know about him?_ "I wonder why it hasn't happened yet. Vegeta's never told me about it, either."

" **He thinks he knows everything. Don't listen to him when it comes to this. Take** _ **my**_ **advice."**  He placed his heavy paw on Goku's shoulder.  **"Get into a good position. And then,"** he said, punching his fist through the air,  **"send your seed right down the chute!"**

 _Dear Kami_. "Will do."

" **Great, son!"**  King Vegeta stood.  **"You should rest up. When's the next full moon?"**

"The night after next."

" **Excellent. I'll see you after you're done."** His body gradually faded away. **"Remember what I said! No sex…while standing up…None of that nonsense with your mouth either…"**

Goku let his head fall onto the table. "I'm not cut out for this."

* * *

It was past midnight and Trunks was  _still_  on his phone. Which begged the question—where did it come from? "Trunks," Goten whined, "do you have two phones? I thought Vegeta wrecked yours."

"I  _had_  three. Now it's down to two." Trunks pushed a lock of hair out of his eyes and shoved his nose closer to his phone. Goten assumed if he swiped his hand between the glowing screen and his husband's face, his fingers would get bitten in retaliation. "The one that broke was for bullshit like alarms, appointments, and talking with Mom and Dad. This one? I use it strictly for social media. My third one is for porn."

Goten rolled around in bed to look up at Trunks. "You have a whole phone dedicated to  _porn_?"

"Yeah."

"Can I see?"

"Give me a sec. I'm updating my relationship status to 'married.'"

"That's how you're going to announce it?" Goten ran his hand down Trunks's back. The more he thought about it, the fewer arguments he had against it. There wasn't a better way to tell people about this sort of thing, was there? "Won't Bulma be mad?"

"Don't be crazy. Mom won't know about us until I tell her. I have like, ten fake accounts I use for talking to family members online. See?" Trunks showed Goten his phone. A generic photo of him with a Boy Scout grin and both thumbs up filled the screen. "I just slap this puppy onto all of my 'good boy' accounts while I have fun on my real ones. No one's the wiser. "

"Whoa, I never would've thought to do that." Not that Goten had as much to hide in his life.

Trunks tossed the phone across the room. "There. Done. I thought about taking a picture of us both, but we're practically naked right now. That kinda shit follows you for life."

Beneath the bed sheets Goten ran his thumb across Trunks's bare knee. "It's our wedding night. Doesn't that mean we should do something special?"

Trunks curled his finger under Goten's chin. "You're right. Let's mate."

"Huh? Isn't that what our dads did?"

"Yeah. My Dad makes it seem like such a big deal, but he acts that way about everything related to being a Saiyan. I bet it's just like getting married." He winked. "Simple and fast."

"Simple and fast, huh?" Goten didn't see how all the "mating" business his father was wrapped up in changed anything. Except that now once a month Vegeta kicked them both out of the house for a whole night. And both his dad and Vegeta had new tattoos. And they  _did_  act more like a couple, which was strange to see in comparison to how his father acted around his late mother. "Maybe there's more to it, Trunks."

"Not at all. My Dad told me how it works. Basically we have to be best friends, not screw each other over, and have our family approve of our relationship." Trunks shrugged his shoulders and lifted his hands in the air. "We've known each other forever, right? And everyone already likes us. I bet we could finish mating in no time."

"I don't want a tattoo."

"We can get the wash off kind, don't worry." Trunks fell backwards onto the bed and wrapped his arms around Goten's stomach. "Aren't you excited?"

"Should I be? I don't even know why we're going to do it."

"Because we like each other. Duh."

"Oooh." That  _did_  sound simple enough. "Okay! But what about the whole pregnancy thing? Is your dad really going to have a baby?"

"I think he's trying. Ugh.  _So_ gross." Trunks carefully traced each of Goten's abs. "I think he must have hit his head or something. It doesn't sound like him at all."

Goten focused on his breathing to ignore the tickling sensation on his stomach. "If we mate does that mean—?"

"There's no way I'm getting pregnant. You'd have to be the one to do it to me." Trunks smiled. "And we both know that's never happening."

"So _I'm_ going to get pregnant?"

"No! It doesn't work that way."

"Why not?"

"Don't worry about it." Trunks rolled over on his side. "Let's sleep. Dad's going to be pissed when I tell him about the wedding tomorrow. I can't stand his screaming unless I've gotten at least eight hours of sleep to prepare for it."

"Oh. I thought we were going to…never mind." Goten spooned Trunks from behind. Whatever doubts he had could wait until another day.

* * *

Seven hours. He couldn't believe it. It took seven miserable hours, but Vegeta finally arrived back home on the opposite side of the planet. Hopefully the shark carcass slung over his shoulder would be seen by Goku as a gesture of forgiveness for being so tardy.

He opened the front door. On the couch lay his mate lost under a pile of blankets. "Kakarot?"

Goku mumbled in his sleep. The sight reminded Vegeta of the few times Bulma stayed up waiting for him, as well as the inevitable argument that ensued the moment she cracked an eye open. He pressed his cool hand against Goku's forehead. Goku smiled, his eyes still closed. "Vegeta."

"I'm sorry I took so long. I'm glad you didn't starve to death in my absence."

Goku rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. Vegeta often forgot how young he looked, especially right after waking up. "What's that thing you're carrying?"

"A shark." Vegeta twisted his heel in the carpet. "I got it for you."

"Aw. Thanks." Goku sat up and stretched. "Long walk, huh?"

"I ran."

Goku squinted his eyes at the shark. "To the ocean?"

Vegeta spun his finger in the air. "Around the planet."

 _Now_ he was fully awake. He stared up at the clock on the wall. "You ran around the world in  _seven hours_? You didn't fly at all?"

The giant fish weighing Vegeta down slid to the floor with a loud thump. "No."

Goku rose from the couch with his arms outstretched; the blanket became giant wings slowly enveloping Vegeta's body. The warmth surrounding him lured him into the safety of his mate's embrace. "That's amazing. I didn't even know you enjoyed running."

"I hate it."

"Would you hate it as much if I came with you next time?"

"No." Beneath their blanket Vegeta nipped at Goku's neck. "Do you think I'm too old?"

"Eh?" Goku looked down at him. "You're just a few years older than me."

"That's not what I asked."

Goku ran his fingers along Vegeta's forehead. "I don't mind if your hairline's receding and you leave gray hairs on the pillow every morning. I still love you."

"Fuck you. There isn't a single gray hair on my body."

Goku tugged on the front of Vegeta's pants. "Are you positive? I'm going to have to investigate down here to make sure."

As much as Vegeta wanted to play, the growling in his stomach held more sway at one o'clock in the morning than the fingers unbuckling his pants. "I'm hungry."

"Take your clothes off first."

"I'm no good on an empty stomach."

Goku pouted. "That's not what I meant. Your clothes are soaking wet. Here, I'll get naked with you." They struggled to strip beneath the weight of the blanket. Vegeta fidgeted the longer Goku wrestled with pulling his shirt over his bedhead, so Vegeta ripped it to shreds to save on time. Goku gave in to his baser instincts and bit Vegeta on the neck. "Hey! I liked this shirt!"

Vegeta stared at the purple bruise on his mate's stomach. "Who touched you while I was gone?"

"This?" Goku laughed. The corners of his mouth relaxed the second he heard Vegeta growl. "I'll explain after I cook you something, 'kay?"

"I'm not joking. If a stranger hurt you then I'm going to kill them."

Goku's laugh was terser than before. "Follow me." Vegeta acquiesced and let Goku shuffle him along into the kitchen without breaking the cloth cocoon around them. Goku dragged the dead shark onto the counter, then flung the refrigerator door open. Vegeta grasped to Goku's neck for support while his mate pulled out a carton of eggs, a loaf of bread, and the lone bulb of garlic hiding behind the milk jug.

Vegeta gasped. "Who put the garlic in the refrigerator?"

"I dunno."

 _I know YOU did it, Kakarot_. The Prince pointed to a shelf out of his reach. "If you're going to fry the meat I want you to use the lemon juice too."

"Fine." Once finished searching for ingredients, Goku shut the fridge and hobbled them both over to the shark. "Geez Vegeta, this thing looks sad in the face."

"Good. He was an asshole."

Goku raised his brow. He made short work of gutting the whole thing. Vegeta was impressed—Goku wasn't as good of a cook as him, but all Saiyans knew how to kill and eviscerate animals by the time they could walk. Thankfully the skill hadn't eluded Goku all the years he spent on Earth. Watching his large hands slice through the flesh excited Vegeta enough that Goku couldn't help but make a comment about it. "Heh. You keep poking me from behind and I might accidentally cut my finger off."

"Shut-up and hurry."

The fish was promptly chopped into thick chunks. Vegeta walked Goku through all the steps of throwing the meat in a flour and egg mixture, even though Goku was already well-versed in how to fry fish. All the meat was thrown into a skilled filled with bubbling oil, which popped into the air and burned Goku's chest.

"Be careful!" Vegeta licked the offensive spot before Goku made a hullabaloo about getting hit with a single drop of hot liquid. "We both know your body is your moneymaker."

"I thought it was my face?"

"That too."

Frying through inches of shark meat took forever.  _Even beyond the grave this stupid animal is pissing me off_. Goku barely had a chance to toss the cooked pieces of meat onto a platter to drain before Vegeta shoved them into his mouth.

"You'll burn yourself!"

Vegeta's eyes teared up from the pain. "No I won't."

Goku picked Vegeta up with one hand and used the other to carry the platter of meat to the kitchen table. He forced Vegeta to sit in his lap. Shrugging, Vegeta shoved the fried meat into his face. "Kakarot," he said between gulps, "tell me who fought you."

"Hehe." Goku chewed on a piece of shark meat before answering. "Don't get mad, but someone broke in here earlier."

Vegeta dropped the chunk of batter in his hand. "They did  _what_?"

"Yup. They broke the kitchen window, then the window in our bedroom. I caught him going through my drawers."

"And I take it that doesn't bother you at all."

"Not after I smelled him. He was wearing your clothes, Vegeta."

Vegeta grunted. "What did this intruder look like?"

"I couldn't tell exactly." Goku hovered his hand above the ground. "About this tall. Your height, maybe. He had a hood over his head and a scarf around his face, so I didn't see much."

"I don't wear clothes like that."

"But they have to be yours." Goku rubbed his chin. "Or maybe he touched you recently."

That was complete bunk. Besides the shark, Vegeta hadn't slowed down to speak with anybody, let alone be touched by some looky-loo. "I have no idea who you're talking about." He finished up the last bit of food on the platter. "When did they hit you?"

"Oh, yeah! I didn't even get to the best part!" Vegeta could feel Goku's heart race in his chest. "After I caught him in our room he jumped out the window, so I IT'd outside to catch him off guard. That's when he knocked the wind out of me with his kick." Goku sighed. "It felt great!"

 _Kakarot is a masochist._ "Wonderful. Then you just let him get away?"

"Nah. After that I went flying right through the living room wall."

"Excuse me?"

"Please don't be mad!" Goku squeezed Vegeta against his chest. "I made the kids fix it before you got home!"

Vegeta huffed. "So that's when you let him run off?"

"Noo. After that  _he_ IT'd into the living room, gave us all the middle finger, then IT'd again to escape."

"That's ridiculous."

"I know. Maybe it was an alien. But I can't imagine anyone from Yardrat would have a reason to come here."

Vegeta forced them both up and away from the table. "What did he steal?"

"Nothing at all."

"That doesn't make sense either." Vegeta pulled Goku along to the bedroom. "I'm sure he'll be back. And if I'm here he won't be so lucky." He hated the idea of a stranger coming into his home to make a fool of him. Tomorrow he planned do a once-over across the whole house to make sure nothing suspicious was still lying about. For all the times aliens and other miscreants—including himself—confronted Goku to end his life, he should've been more concerned.

Goku pulled the blanket around them so tight, Vegeta couldn't continue his walk through the bedroom door. "There's another thing I should tell you, Veggie. Actually…there are a  _few_  things that got weird while you were gone."

"Am I going to be mad?"

"Yeah."

 _How typical. I can't leave home for a few hours without everything falling to shambles._ "Save it for later." He reached backwards and scratched Goku's head. "I'm ready for you to put me in a good mood before bed."

Goku smiled into his neck. "That's fine by me."

"I need to shower."

"Me too! From all the, ah, cooking."

"Right." Vegeta finally made it through the bedroom door and pulled it shut behind them. A loud explosion in the living room shook the walls and floor. He spun around and was met with Goku's embarrassed smile.

"I guess Trunks didn't do as good of a job fixing the wall as I hoped."


	3. Part Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This part got too long, so I split it in half. Expect Part Four to be posted in the next day!

**Cyborg Barbie sent you a text message!**

_We need to talk._

Vegeta forgot he'd assigned Android 18 his secret nickname for her in his phone's contacts. It wasn't so funny in light of the foreboding text she just sent him at six o'clock in the morning. In the history of the world, no conversation starting with those four words ended well.

He had to call her back. This meant skipping his morning routine of inflicting his artistic skill on the beautiful canvas that was Goku's face.  _A guaranteed shitty start to my day._ _Spectacular_.

He crawled out from beneath Goku's naked body, tugged on a pair of sweatpants, and dialed her number on his way to the kitchen. By the time she picked up he was already halfway through whipping a bowl of eggs. "Yes?" he said the moment he heard her breathe on the other end of the line.

"Wow. That was fast."

"Your message was dire."

She laughed—not the joking sort of laugh Vegeta was familiar with, but a breathy titter that exposed her exasperation. How long had she been upset with him? "I'm worried about you, Vegeta. You don't tell me  _anything_  anymore."

"You're the one who ran away yesterday. Or did you forget?"

"That was one time. You've been running away from me for four  _months_."

He poured way too much vegetable oil into the skillet. "Fuck." Using napkins, he mopped up the excess. "Have you considered I don't have much to talk about?"

"You're getting married. I thought you'd be excited about that since you made such a big deal about it on TV."

"I've been—"

"Busy with something more important?"

The eggs in the skillet hardened over the fire. "In a way."

"Sounds like _serious business_ ," she said in her best Vegeta voice. "Come over here now."

He hated that. Goku often made fun of him in the same way. He hadn't given up smoking cigarettes for people to still give him shit about his raspy voice. "I'm cooking breakfast."

"Leave that to your future hubby and get your ass over here. I'll feed you. Like it or not, we're planning this wedding today."

"Goddammit. I _can't_."

"Give me one good reason." All the playfulness in her voice disappeared. "Just  _one_. Then I'll get off your back. Otherwise I'm going to assume you lied to Goku."

"I would never lie to him about that!"

"Then why the hell are you avoiding even  _talking_  about marriage?"

"Fuck it." He turned all the knobs on the stove off. "I'll be there in an hour."

"Yes!" 18 shuffled around and made a big racket on the other end of the line; he assumed she'd either fallen down a flight of stairs or completed a victory dance. "I'll totally make it worth your time. Don't bring Goku. See you soon." She hung up.

 _Don't bring Kakarot? That can't be good._ Vegeta turned around and immediately bumped into his mate's open arms. Instead of returning the hug, he shoved his spatula into Goku's smiling face. "Here."

"Huh?" Goku grasped it, turning it around in his hand like he'd never seen such a contraption before.

"You make breakfast. I'm heading over to 18's house."

Fear flashed across Goku's face. Vegeta admired the cute way his eyebrows knotted together, even though his reaction was strange. "What are you two going to talk about?"

"The wedding. I think."

Goku's face immediately brightened. "Oh. Cool!" Predictably, and to Vegeta's relief, Goku had little interest in tagging along. As Vegeta walked away, Goku spoke again with an unusual pitch in his voice. "I sometimes wonder if you forgot all about getting married."

Halfway out of the kitchen, Vegeta spun around. He leaned against the door pane, unsure what to do with his limbs. "You really feel that way?"

Goku's eyebrows twitched for the briefest moment. "I'm just saying that with all the focus on, um, you-know-what," he said, gesturing vaguely toward their bedroom, "getting married had to be put on the back burner." He must have realized how bad it sounded saying it out loud, so he forced a smile onto his face. "Not that there's anything wrong with that. I know how important this is to you!"

"Kakarot." Vegeta wasn't sure what to say that wouldn't be an outright lie. Goku's observation was spot-on. "I never meant—"

"Good morning, Dad!" Trunks sped into the kitchen, tugging on Vegeta's shoulders and nearly throwing him onto the floor. "I've got a surprise for you!"

Vegeta shook his head. "I have to leave. Tell me later."

"It's really important!" Goten trailed Trunks into the kitchen, a brilliant smile on his face as well. "We've been waiting to tell you since yesterday."

"Nope. I have to go." Vegeta nodded in Goku's direction. "Bother Kakarot instead."

Goten frowned. "But—"

"No buts."

While Goku made a mess in the kitchen for their sons, Vegeta took a quick shower. All the scrubbing in the world couldn't cleanse his mind of the defeated look on Goku's face just minutes beforehand.

Once dressed and in the living room, Goku made a big fuss over kissing him goodbye, the affection a salve for his broken heart. The scent of smoke and burnt eggs was the only thing that pried Goku off of his body and back into the kitchen. Finally free, Vegeta opened the front door and, once again, bumped into the broad chest of a man who'd make leaving the house difficult. "Yamcha."

Yamcha looked down at Vegeta, his hand frozen mid-knock inches away from the now open door. "Yo, Vegeta!" He peeped his head through the doorway and glanced around the living room. "You guys renovating or something? There's a whole wall missing."

Vegeta poked his index finger into the middle of Yamcha's chest. "What are you doing here? Were you hoping to surprise us with a morning fuck?"

All of Yamcha's confidence flitted away along with the blowing wind outside of the house. "Whaaat?" He grabbed the back of his neck and laughed much too hard for Vegeta's taste. "Typical Vegeta, always making weird jokes!"

"Why are you acting like you didn't spend the night here just a few months ago?"

"Geez Vegeta, way to put me on front street." Yamcha leaned forward, lowing his voice. "I'm not here for  _that_. I came to talk with Goku. His friend Yorick is driving me fuckin'  _bonkers_."

 _Ugh. Yorick._ "I don't have time to hear anything about that idiot." Vegeta shoved Yamcha out of his path. "Kakarot's in the kitchen. Have fun." On his way out the door he flicked Yamcha's earlobe, earning himself a yelp from the baseball player. "But don't have  _too_  much fun."

* * *

 _I hope 18 doesn't say anything to Vegeta about last night_. Completely lost in his thoughts, Goku popped another boiled egg into his mouth. His mate would not only be furious that 18 knew about their pregnancy attempts, but that Goku was the one to spill the beans. If Vegeta learned the truth, the next twenty-four hours could end in one of two ways for Goku: with the fun kind of "punishment" that left him sore the next morning, or the kind of punishment that left him with a sore back from spending the night on the couch.

"Goku! Are you even listening to what I'm saying?" Yamcha asked.

"Eh? Sorry." Across the table Yamcha made himself comfortable by joining Goten and Trunks in eating breakfast. Goku wished Vegeta was around to join them. "What were you talking about again?"

"Your vampire friend. Yorick."

Now  _that_  was a name he hadn't heard in a while. Yamcha's cheeks still bloomed red with the liveliness that came with mortality, so Yorick hadn't bitten him. Yet. "How's he doing? Does he still look like Vegeta?"

Yamcha shrugged. "I guess. That's not important, though."

"Is Yorick that weird guy I met in the art gallery a few months back?" Goten asked. "He said reading my mind was like opening a diary only to discover all the pages were blank."

"Sorry." Goku found himself apologizing on Yorick's behalf more than he liked. "He's not very nice."

"That's the understatement of the century." Yamcha's hand, apparently with a mind of its own, fought Trunks in a tug-of-war over the last slice of bacon. The crispy meat broke in half and Yamcha nibbled on its end. "He's a real bastard. He spends the night at my place all the time and bitches about  _everything_. One day it's too cold. The next, it's too hot. And because he's a vampire, he doesn't sleep. Do you know what it's like going to bed every night with someone who doesn't  _sleep_?"

A sheepish smile crossed Goku's face. "Are you dating him, Yamcha?"

Yamcha burst into a fit of laughter. "That's funny. No way." He shrugged. "He's into some weird stuff, but I don't think dating's one of them."

For the first time since breakfast started, Trunks chimed in. "What do you mean by 'weird'?"

Goku knew both of his sons were adults. He even knew they had sex. But something about letting dirty talk pollute the air around them made him feel like a bad parent. It was bad enough he kicked them out of the house once a month whenever Vegeta went into heat. But a few months back he told them to get lost so Yamcha could come over and "hang out" with him and Vegeta. Unfortunately, Goten came back home twenty minutes into the "hanging out" to pick up his forgotten keys. Goku had little time to make up an excuse as to why he was playing naked Twister with two grown men with nary a color-dotted mat in sight.

Thank goodness it wasn't Trunks who caught them. "Yamcha," Goku said, "why don't you tell me about this later? I don't think the boys want to hear—"

"Yorick's big into bondage and humiliation. Ya know, like BDSM stuff." Yamcha added creamer to his coffee, stirring and shaking his head. "I let him hit me a few times and do other kinky shit since it's the only thing that gets him out of that bad mood of his."

Both Goten and Trunks widened their eyes in…fascination? Glee? Whatever it was, Goku didn't like it. "Yamcha, don't say that around the kids!"

"We're not kids," Trunks said. "Go on, Yamcha."

"You guys know what I mean. R _iii_ ght?" Yamcha counted his fingers. "He likes to whip me, put me on a leash, tie me up, slap me around…"

Goten blushed at hearing such naughty things spoken so casually. "He puts you on a leash like a pet?"

"Yeah. He's a freaky dude. But what really sucks is that he won't let me use nature's best stress reliever on him."

Trunks smirked. "And what would that be?"

"Banging, of course." Yamcha sighed. "He's a total virgin. I can tell."

Goku bent the fork in his hand in half. "Yamcha, I'm sure there's a better time than  _breakfast_  to talk about this."

"You're sitting over there like you're all innocent." Yamcha shook his head, unimpressed with Goku's modesty. "He has a huge crush on you. Is it true you two made out once?"

Goku palmed his forehead. "That's not what  _really_  happened!"

"Oooh," Trunks said, "Dad's going to be mad when he hears about this."

"I wouldn't be surprised if he made it up," Yamcha said. "But he also talks about how he wished you helped him out more. Aren't you the ambassador of a new nation or something?"

"Oh yeah! I forgot about that." Goku scratched the back of his head. "I'm too busy to deal with a country full of vampires right now."

"You gotta do  _something_ , man. Everyday he's crying about how bad things are over there. I'd appreciate it if you'd at least talk to him." Yamcha peered into his coffee mug and muttered, "Or tell him to get the hell out of my house."

Even thinking about returning to Cortasia sent a chill down Goku's spine. It was only in the past year he developed a well-deserved hatred for snow. "Like I said, I'm too busy to deal with them." He scratched his chin. "Hey. Want to help me and the boys work on Vegeta's studio in the backyard?" Goku pointed out the open kitchen window. "I can get it done much faster with another pair of hands."

"Sure. Anything's better than going back to that nut job. I had to lie and say you didn't have a cell phone so I could leave. Lucky me, he doesn't want to go anywhere Vegeta might be too."

Goku opened his mouth to defend Yorick. He couldn't think of anything nice to say, so he settled on saying, "Thanks."

* * *

Android 18 knew Vegeta's biggest weakness. The fluffy French toast lathered in whipped cream and cut strawberries burst with flavor in his mouth. Early morning on the patio of their home reminded Vegeta how much he missed living with Krillin's family. Out of old habit he almost walked across the lawn to the basement so he could join Marron in a morning session of sketching. Hopefully Goku would finish his studio soon, but with the way things were looking, the project seemed more like a romantic flight of fancy.

Vegeta peered up at 18. All the while he helped himself to the delicious spread so graciously prepared for him, she smiled with the innocence of an overbearing granny. He wasn't stupid. The food was a tradeoff for gossip.

18 patted his back. "Geez Vegeta. Does Goku starve you over there?"

"I always eat like this."

"Not when you were living over at  _my_ house."

Finally exposed, Vegeta laid his fork down. "I don't buy or eat as many sweets as I used to."

"I knew it!" She poked his side. "You've even lost weight since four months ago. Are you trying to get rid of your fat prince booty? I thought Goku liked it!"

Midway through drinking his glass of orange juice, he choked. "You know just the right thing to say, don't you!"

"You know me well." She reclined in the patio chair and stared up at the flock of geese yammering above them. Vegeta didn't like it when she stayed silent for too long. "Let's keep it real between each other. We always have." She returned her steely gaze to him. "What's going on between you and Goku? Can he not get it up anymore?"

Why did this woman always say the most outrageous things to provoke him? "No, there aren't any issues with  _that_."

"You sure? Because I have a feeling the sad look on your face has something to do with him."

"I'm not sad." Vegeta ran his finger along the rim of his empty glass. "And you wouldn't understand even if I tried explaining it to you."

"If I can't understand you, then who will?"

Vegeta massaged his eyes. Cryptically relaying his fertility issues to her only seemed a smidgen less like torture compared to running around the world to clear his mind again. But Cyborg Barbie had a big mouth on her. Later she'd relay every juicy detail of their conversation to Krillin the moment Vegeta flew back home. So he had to be careful. "Kakarot and I are working on making a  _change_  to our household and it's proving to be difficult."

"That's vague." Whatever horrible look was on his face made her shift in her chair. "Not that there's anything wrong with being vague if that makes you more comfortable."

"Thank you."

"So what's so hard about making this 'change' happen?"

"You don't have to use air quotes around that word."

"Sorry."

"Anyway…there are two problems, the first being I can't make the change happen."

"Why not?"

"I'm not sure." Vegeta looked down and saw he'd wrapped his arms around his stomach without noticing. Thank goodness 18 couldn't read his mind. "Maybe I'm too old?" Yup, that had _definitely_  come out sounding weird. Backpedaling, he tried to correct himself. "I mean to say that maybe it's past my time for the change I want. Younger people do better with things like…change."

"Change. Right." Android 18 stared blankly at him. "What's the second thing that's bugging you?"

Caught off guard, he sputtered. "The second thing? Ah." He hadn't anticipated her to be so receptive to listening. Knowing her, at this point she'd be throwing questions at him left and right until his resolve finally broke. "I think Kakarot is only being supportive to placate me."

"What's wrong with that?"

"There's nothing  _wrong_ with it." Articulating his thoughts on the matter out loud made him feel uneasy. Before, it was just one of the many disappointments that sat muddled in his thoughts for the past few months. But now that the words were coming out of his mouth, it became obvious this particular gripe was much worse than all the others. "It's frustrating that I want this one thing so badly and he—"

"Let me guess. He'd be happy not matter what happened?"

"Yes." He exhaled out all of the stress from his body. He slumped over the table. "Exactly."

"Makes sense. Goku isn't the type to endlessly worry like you." She smiled. "But this girl talk would be easier if I knew what we were  _really_ talking about."

 _You devil_. Their conversation was at a standstill until he told her the truth. And she knew it.  _You planned this the whole time, didn't you!_  Vegeta chuckled. "Like I said earlier, you wouldn't understand."

"Fine. I guess our little visit is over then." She stood up and collected the dishes. "It was nice seeing you again."

"What?" All the wind knocked out of him. "You're kicking me out?"

"Unless you want to talk more, I won't keep you." She balanced the tall stack of plates on one perfectly still hand. "Like I said, it was nice hanging out again. I missed you!" She kissed him on the cheek. "Bye, Vegeta!" She sauntered away across the patio.

 _What the hell?_ "Stop!"

" _Yeeees_?" She twirled around on the ball of her foot. "What's up?"

"I…I'm trying to—"

"Come on Vegeta, I don't want to stand here all day holding this crap." When he let another few seconds pass, she rolled her eyes and walked through the patio doors.

"I'm trying to get pregnant."

Android 18 let every single plate fall to the ground and smash to pieces. Before the last dish broke in half she was already sitting back down at the table. "What's that, Vegeta?"

All the blood in his body rushed to his face. "Kakarot and I are trying to have a child."

She smiled. "That's ridiculous. Men can't have babies." She frowned, challenging him to prove her wrong.

"Saiyan men can."

She screamed. "Oh my God!"

"I know."

Thrilled, she waved her arms around in the air. "Vegeta's going to be a mommy!"

He covered her mouth. "Don't tell the whole goddamn neighborhood!"

Tears welled in her eyes. She wiped them away and inhaled a deep breath. "Okay. Whoo. I have a  _million_  questions about your anatomy but I'll save them for later." She scooted her chair closer to him. "Why are you having trouble conceiving? Is Goku's dick really not the culprit here?"

He covered his face. "Of course not. And I don't know why it's so hard!"

"Oh my gosh. Okay. So I'm guessing…Goku is the turkey baster and you're the Thanksgiving meal."

 _Could this get any worse?_ "Yes."

"Alright. That makes sense. Are you doing it at the right time of month?" She chuckled under her breath. "Do you—heh— ovulate like a  _woman_?" She had to hold her hand over her mouth to silence her joyous screams.

"I thought you were saving the anatomy questions for later!"

"I can't help you without  _some_  direction!" She punched him hard in the arm.

"Ow!"

"I can't believe you hid this from me. What the hell is wrong with you?" She shoved him in his chair, which nearly tipped over. "For four months we could've been figuring this out! I had similar issues when I was trying to have Marron, you know."

Now  _that_ was news to him. "Why?"

"Uh? Remember?" She waved her hand up and down her body as if the answer was obvious. "I'm damaged goods. I've got all the right baby-making parts but Dr. Gero didn't think much about them while constructing me into a death machine."

Not once had he considered how different normal life would be for her as a cyborg. "I didn't know that."

"Yep." Proud of her motherly achievement, she patted her belly. "It took ages. I actually called it quits at one point. A month later I got pregnant. Even then I was worried things wouldn't turn out so hot for me nine months down the road."

"Did you do anything differently to make it happen?"  _Ugh._  Hopefully his tone wasn't dripping with  _too_ much desperation.

She grinned. "I learned how to relax. Can you imagine how stressful sex becomes when you have to do it like a timed exam?"

"I don't have to imagine."

"Aww." A woman with no fear, she pinched his right cheek and shook it. "And here I thought big, strapping Goku couldn't ever let you down in that department." She released him, cackling for a long while before she could speak again. "I haven't forgotten about the time I heard you two upstairs. He goes at it like an excited puppy!"

"Shut-up!" Vegeta ignored her careless laughter. "It's just like you said." He tilted his head away to hide his blush. "During all the other times of the month we're good. But when it's the best time for me to—"

"Conceive."

"Yes. During that time it's like retaking a test I've already failed multiple times."

"So it's not fun at all?"

He ran his fingers through his hair. Talking about the sex he had while in heat made him feel a bit skeevy. "It was incredible the first time we tried. But almost four months in? Not so much."

Android 18 gave him the saddest smile he ever witnessed to grace her face. Thankfully, it wasn't out of pity. "I don't like hearing that, Vegeta."

"Do you honestly think being stressed would affect anything?" It sounds like complete bullshit to him.

"Probably." She shrugged. "I'm no expert, but stress does affect your health. How do you think Goku stays so young looking? I bet he doesn't even think further than a week into the future at a time."

There was an ounce of truth in that statement. Except lately most of Goku's stress  _did_  seem to center around Vegeta. "Shit. What can I do to fix it?"

"Whoa." 18 held up her hands. "I'm not a miracle worker. And I'd tell you to talk to a doctor if you weren't an alien. But I'm guessing if you focused more on  _him_  instead of a hypothetical baby, things would be less of a strain on your end." She lowered her voice to the point where Vegeta had to lean closer to hear her. "Ask him to do something sexy for you."

" _Sexy_? Like what?" He on the edge of his seat with the same excitement of a teenage girl learning about how to suck dick right for the first time. It was humiliating taking advice, but what choice did he have at this point?

"Do this." She laced her fingers together and batted her eyelashes. "'Kakarot, I've been  _super_  stressed out lately. Can you help me be more relaxed?'"

"I don't sound like that!"

18 ignored him. "Once you say that, Goku will respond with, 'Wow Vegeta, how can I help?'" To top off her impression she scratched the back of her head.

"Cute."

"After he asks, all  _you_ need to say is, 'I want you to do something creative in the bedroom.' Right after you tell him that, just  _walk away._ "

"You're kidding!" If he rolled his eyes any harder, he'd see all the annoying thoughts swimming around in his head. "Do you think my life is like a movie?"

"Why don't you trust me? When have I ever led you astray?" She crossed her arms as if proud with her idea. "Just say those exact words to him. Don't try to add flair to them because I know you'll screw it up." Vegeta opened his mouth to speak again, but she shushed him. "Don't do it! Just say those words and walk away. Leave the house if you have to. He'll try to follow you but just ignore him."

"That sounds—"

"Ridiculous? That's the whole point." She clicked her tongue, disappointed in Vegeta's lack of perception. "That's exactly why you should do it. It's the kind of thing Goku likes."

Vegeta raised his brow. "Are you suggesting you know what he likes better than me?"

"No. I know that he'll like it because he loves any weird shit  _you_  do. I think it turns him on."

"Tsh!" Vegeta looked away. "I don't do anything weird."

"Don't play dumb." 18 leaned back in her chair and giggled. "Of course, there's a fine line you shouldn't cross. And we  _both_ know what that line is, don't we?" Vegeta caught her staring at his hand. "You're lucky you got that ring back."

"Go on already."

"My point is that Goku loves it when you're a little mean to him. I bet you do something mean to him every day."

Vegeta thought back to how he'd skipped his morning ritual. "Hmph. I won't agree with you. But there may be something to it."

"Of course there is." She slapped him on the back. Hard. The force was strong enough to make him catch himself before his head smashed straight through the table. 18 ignored his misery. "He'll do anything to make you happy. And I bet once you get pregnant he'll be more excited about the whole thing."

"How optimistic of you." The pain in his back spread across his shoulders and down to his hips.  _This woman is ruthless._  "I  _suppose_ I'll try it out."

"Good. Now tell me how Saiyan men have babies."

 _I was stupid to think I'd get out of this conversation so easily._ "We had this long chat about how to avoid stress, and you're going to ask me about  _that_?"

"Come on Vegeta, I'm  _dying_  over here." She poked her bottom lip out. "I can't keep helping you if you don't give me more to work with."

"No." He glanced around the backyard. "Kakarot and I are mates now. That means my biology has changed. That's all you need to know."

18's eyes widened. "You have a vagina now?"

"No!"  _Dammit. Why isn't there anything around for me to throw at her?_ "Nothing on the outside changes. It's on the inside where I'm now similar to  _you_."

"Okay." She stared deep into his eyes. "Please don't tell me your baby will come out of your ass."

Vegeta almost flipped his chair over in shock. "Absolutely not!"

"Whew!" She wiped away the invisible sweat on her forehead. "That's good. It seemed like a rude thing to do on your first day as a mother." Curious, she rubbed his stomach. "How does the sucker come out then?"

He plucked each of her fingers off his body. "If I tell you, promise not to overreact."

"I'll keep my promise if you promise  _me_  to help with planning your dream wedding."

Much to his dismay, the reality of getting married had left his mind completely. Maybe he  _was_  too stressed out about having children. Goku pretended the delay wasn't a big deal, but the sadness dripping from every hug, kiss, and tug he gave Vegeta earlier spoke volumes.

 _Shit._ "Fine. But let's talk in a few days. I'll be busy tomorrow night, if you catch my drift."

"Awesome." 18 placed her thin hand on Vegeta's. "Now tell me…Where do Vegeta Juniors come from?"

Vegeta hated speaking about this even around Goku. All the bewildered looks and questions made him feel like a science experiment. And God forbid Bulma found out about his pregnancy attempts. A horrible image popped up in his mind where he lay cut open and dissected in her lab.

For Android 18, he explained in the least gruesome way possible how he'd give birth. When he finished, she stared at him for a solid two minutes straight. Speechless. After that, she got up and walked to the kitchen to make them both drinks, regardless of the fact it was still morning.

So much for promises.

* * *

Goku felt faint. "Trunks, what are you doing?"

The boy peered down at him from above. "I'm finishing up the roof."

Goku held his breath. Did a blood vessel just pop on his forehead? "It's—it's completely wrong."

Trunks stared at his work. The wooden beams he spent all morning hammering into a skeleton of a roof stretched toward the sky in a "v" shape. "Oops. My bad."

Goku dropped his face into his hands. It served him right leaving the kid alone to his devices while he was gone buying building materials.  _Why_ did Trunks think making an upside-down roof made any sense? Goku had went over the directions several times before he left. Hell, even if Trunks initially screwed up, how could he even finish one upside-down beam and not immediately start over after seeing his mistake? Did no one else watch this happen? "Where's Yamcha?" Goku asked.

"Over there." Trunks pointed several yards away. Yamcha was deep into a phone conversation with some woman he was trying to sweet talk into a dinner date.

Goku groaned. "Where's Goten?"

Trunks disassembled every ass-backwards panel of wood over the building. Goku grinded his teeth together as Trunks took his sweet time to answer the question. "He's out."

"Out  _where_?"

"Visiting his mom's grave."

Goku dropped his shopping bag. "What?"

"He does it every Sunday morning. You knew that, right?"

"I had no idea." Goku looked out toward the mountain ridge a few miles away where he knew Chi-Chi was buried. During this time of day it would be frigid in the cemetery, if not windy. "Do you ever go along with him?"

"Sometimes." Trunks rummaged around in the box of nails strapped to his tool belt. "I get the impression he likes to go alone."

Goku tilted his head up at Trunks. In the midday light he could pass as a man beyond his teenage years. He had his father's same determined brow that quivered the longer he grew frustrated with something that was supposed to be easy. _Maybe I should cut the kid slack. It's not like Vegeta taught him how to do anything other than fight._  "Here," Goku said, "I'll show you the quickest way to finish this up." Goku flew up toward Trunks but froze when his father-in-law popped into existence in the space between them.

" **Kakarot! I just remembered I should tell you another thing about—"**

"AHH!" Trunks extended his open fist, prepared to send a ki blast through the monster. "What the hell is that?"

Goku fought against the squicky feeling bubbling up in his stomach. "Don't worry. It's just Vegeta's… father."

"That's a  _ghost_ , Goku!" A blue ball of energy formed in Trunks's palm. "Let me kill it."

" **Oooh,** _ **this**_ **is the underwear child. Right?"** King Vegeta looked up and down Trunks's body.  **"I've never seen him up close before."**

"His name is  _Trunks_." Goku flew beside the boy and forced his trigger-happy hand back down to his hip. "And he's Vegeta's son."

King Vegeta's magnificent beard blew in the wind. **"Right. The half-breed. I know of him."**

Trunks sneered. "'Half-breed'? What's that supposed to mean?"

King Vegeta shrugged his shoulders.  **"Your mother is human, right? That makes you a half-breed. Half Saiyan, half** _ **not**_ **."**

Goku noticed the strain on Trunks's face. He'd just met his grandfather for the first time in his life and was getting the complete opposite of the red carpet treatment. The King of all Saiyans was a scary man, and doubly so seeing as he was immortal. But this was too cruel of a family gathering for Goku to sit through it quietly. "I don't like how you say that word," Goku said, his voice clipped.

" **I'm not saying anything is** _ **wrong**_ **with being a half-breed. It's just not** _ **right**_ **."**  The king leaned into Goku's ear and whispered,  **"I wish my son hadn't wasted years with an Earth woman."**

Goku scowled. "Why do you say that?"

King Vegeta's whispering couldn't hide the judgment in his voice.  **"Vegeta wasted his best years with her. And I'm sure you agree with me since you did the same thing with what's-her-name. Your firstborn son reads books for a living, right? It's embarrassing to even mention it aloud!"**

Unbridled rage spiked Goku's energy. "I want you to leave." He held his tongue from speaking too much of his mind. "Please."

Unfamiliar with defiance, King Vegeta cocked his head backwards. There was no use whispering now.  **"What's wrong with you?"**

"I have two sons that are 'half-breeds,' and one of them saved the world from destruction." Goku glanced at Trunks, who was halfway between forming a ki blast and shitting his pants. Goku continued. "And I know this is weird, but from another timeline Vegeta's son helped us save the world too. So unless you can play nice when you come over here, I want you to  _go_."

King Vegeta observed Goku from the few feet he hovered above them all. Was that anger brewing behind his ghostly eyes? A heavy hand rested on Goku's head, almost knocking him out of the air. The king chuckled.  **"I can see why Vegeta likes you so much."**

"Huh?" In the back of his mind Goku was prepared for whatever horrible fate King Vegeta had in store for him.  _Is he about to crush my skull?_

" **If we were back on Planet Vegeta and you weren't mated to my son, I would have you killed. No third-class has ever spoken to me in that tone."** The strong bark of his laugh stirred a primal fear in Goku.  **"I always knew you'd make a good dominant partner for Vegeta. He needs someone who can put him in his place."**

Goku blushed. The embarrassed look on Trunks's face said it all—he thought King Vegeta was referring to a weird kink. "Uh, thanks.  _Dad_ ," Goku mumbled.

King Vegeta struggled to speak, as if he wasn't sure how to pronounce any words relating to an apology.  **"I'm sorry, Tranks. I shouldn't have been so quick to dismiss you."**

"It's 'Trunks,' not 'Tranks.'" Trunks half-smiled. "And, er, thank you?" An entire case of nails slipped from his tool belt and fell fifteen feet below to scatter across the plywood floor. "Aw, shit."

"Hey." Copying King Vegeta's gesture, Goku patted the top of Trunks's head. "Why don't you go mark up the glass sheets I just bought? We need to know where to cut them for the windows. Let me deal with the roof for now."

"Whew. Thanks!" Trunks flew away, glad to widen the distance between him and his grandfather.

" **Kakarot,"**  King Vegeta sighed,  **"why are you working on this thing?"**

Goku continued where Trunks left off with the roof. Despite the slow progress, the rest of the structure looked sturdy. "It's going to be Vegeta's art studio."

" **Ah. He's still preoccupied with all that nonsense where you move a pencil around a page for no reason."**

" _Drawing_?"

" **Yes. That!"** King Vegeta's hypercritical sneer made Goku fear he'd spit right onto the floor below them.  **"Why do you encourage him?"**

"Because I  _like_  it."

" **Fine. I suppose it's just another Earth thing I have to get used to."**  In mid-air King Vegeta crossed his legs.  **"But never mind all of that. What's your plan for tomorrow night?"**

Goku sighed. Good thing he had something to occupy his hands with. "We already talked about this. I'm going to, you know…make sure we get into the right position."

" **Excellent,"**  King Vegeta said, rubbing his hands together.  **"I came to remind you to hold him upside down after every time you have sex."**

"What the fuck?" Goku slapped his hand over his mouth. He generally didn't drop f-bombs outside of the bedroom, but it'd been a long time since he'd heard something so senseless. "Why would I ever do  _that_?"

" **So none of the sperm comes out, of course."**  King Vegeta nodded as if it made all the sense in the world.

"I don't think your son would like it if I did that."

" **Like? Who cares about what he** _ **likes**_ **. We're trying to make up for lost time here!"**

 _This man is relentless._ "Fine. I'll hold Vegeta…upside down after we…do it." Goku couldn't take any more sex education lectures from a dead man. Lying to his face was even worse. "Why don't you take this and finish up the job?" He flung his hammer through the air straight into King Vegeta's face.

The king gasped and caught it in his giant hand.  **"You want** _ **me**_ **to** _ **work**_ **?"**

"Do you not know how to build anything?"

Goku didn't think it was possible for ghosts to blush, but he figured he learned something new every day. King Vegeta rushed through hammering in the rest of the wooden beams for the roof. Relieved, he flew back down to join Trunks at the workbench covered with giant sheets of glass.

"Goku." Trunks wiped the sweat from his brow. "That guy is—"

"A nuisance? I know." Goku looked smugly at King Vegeta hammering away at the roof. "And he's going to be my father-in-law."

Trunks dotted a straight line across the front of a sheet of glass with his marker. Without looking up he spoke. "I'm glad you don't treat  _me_ that way."

"Oh! I'm your father-in-law too, huh?" Goku scratched an itch on his head. "How about that." He sat down on the bench beside Trunks and watched the boy's perfectly still hand draw straight lines. "Don't you need a straightedge like a level?"

"No."

Goku couldn't deny the inhumanely perfect lines Trunks drew. "I'll be damned."

"You know," Trunks said, voice teetering between annoyance and hesitation, " _I_ never tried to kill Goten."

 _That's random._ "Why do you bring that up?" Goku asked.

"I'm just reminding you. Not everyone has to beat up their best friend for years before realizing they're in love."

The gust of wind blowing across the backyard sent one of Goku's shopping bags tumbling away into the distance. He nodded. "I guess you're a smarter kid than I ever was."

* * *

Fall was the best time of year to visit the gravesite. After the harsh slog of summer that naturally came with life in the mountains, families came in droves to watch the changing of the leaves with their dearly departed. Goten, like always, chose to sit in the crook of a weeping willow whose leaves threated to kiss the top of his head. A few feet away laid two grave plots: one for his mother and the other for his grandfather.

"Hi, Mom. I have a short list today, but they're some hard hitters." He pulled a crumpled sheet of notebook paper out of his jacket. "The most important thing that happened last week is that Trunks and I got married!"

Not too long ago he'd had plenty of "conversations" with Chi-Chi that were much less peaceful. On the days he'd traveled to the graveyard when the sun was blotted out with fog and his overactive imagination ran wild, he panicked and wondered if he'd meet his mother's ghost again. So naturally, the subsequent silence in the graveyard after announcing his marriage soothed him.

"I think I'm really happy being married. This is just the second day, but I know it's going to get better over time." Goten scratched his head. "Dad wasn't happy when he found out, and Vegeta doesn't know yet. Bulma doesn't know yet either."

Harsh wind blew against the hood of his jacket. Maybe it meant something. Maybe it didn't. "You know Dad better than I do. But I think he's scared because he thinks relationships are supposed to be hard." Things hadn't been difficult with Trunks. Instead, their futures loomed before him like a black void rather than a specific fate he feared. "Trunks and I have always worked together. This isn't any different. Please soften Dad and Vegeta's hearts so they understand."

Goten looked down at his sheet of paper. There was one last matter to bring up. Panicked, he spilled the rest of his thoughts in a rush. "Please don't be upset with Dad if he has another baby. I don't know all of the details, but I think it's going to happen soon." Quickly, he folded the sheet of paper into a small square. "And, um, don't be surprised…if I have a baby too." He leaned behind his mother's tombstone and opened the small metal box hidden there. Inside were dozens of hand-written notes. Once his latest sheet of paper was hidden along with the rest, he locked the box and rushed down the mountain back home.


	4. Part Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow! I meant to get this part out sooner, but I'm glad I took my time with it. You'll see what I mean once you start reading. ;)
> 
> I'm going to take a short break over the holidays to catch up on some real life work I must finish. Don't worry—there will be another update in the next two weeks or so. I gave you all something to think about in the meantime. Heh…Enjoy.

When dinnertime rolled around, Goku was met with a pleasant sight. He never imagined a day would come where Vegeta strolled through the front door with his hands full of grocery bags and a tune on his lips.

"Ay, Vegeta." Goku admired Vegeta's swagger through the living room. "You look good."

Warily, Vegeta sized Goku up. His lingering stare made Goku hyperaware of how fast his own heart was beating. "You're dirty, Kakarot. Did you go playing around outside today?"

"Yep. I got a lot done on your studio while you were out." Goku was unsure if he should spoil the mood and mention King Vegeta's involvement, but he couldn't deny that the ghost had helped tremendously. He even put in more work than Yamcha.  _Who knew he'd be a master at plumbing and electrical wiring?_ "I think I'll be done soon and we can get all your art supplies back from Krillin's house."

Vegeta wandered into the kitchen to drop the bags off onto the kitchen counter. Goku followed closely behind him, finding it odd he wouldn't look him in the face. "Hey. What's the matter with you?"

"When do you want to get married?"

"Huh?"

"Do you want a big wedding?" Vegeta plopped a huge Dutch oven on top of the stove. The sound of cast-iron scraping against metal resonated throughout the kitchen. "Or do you want to elope with me?"

 _Elope? I'm sure Vegeta wouldn't like that once he finds out about the kids._ "I think all of our friends would like to come to a ceremony. And, um, I'll get married whenever you want!"

Vegeta finally turned around to look at him. "Will you wear a dress for me?"

"Wha?" Goku had no idea why Vegeta was acting so weird. But he was smiling, which was all that mattered to Goku in light of Vegeta's general malaise for the past few months. "I don't  _want_  to wear a dress—"

"But you'd put one on? For me?"

Goku bit his lip. "Yeah. I guess so."

Vegeta leaned backwards over the stove and screamed in laughter. "Kakarot, I love you!"

"I love you too, Vegeta. But what's so funny?"

" _You_  are! I can't believe you'd actually put on a dress for our wedding."

Goku rubbed the back of his neck. "Heh. I thought you were being serious."  _Not that I'd put it past Vegeta to make me wear a frilly dress in front of our friends._

Vegeta laughed so hard he broke out into a fit of coughs. He caught his breath. "Ah…I'm sorry. I'm really stoned right now."

"You're  _high_?"

"When Krillin came home after work we both smoked a bowl." Vegeta sheepishly stared down at his feet. "Then I ate three chocolate Bundt cakes."

"Wow." Goku tipped Vegeta's chin back up so their eyes met. "Did you bring any back for me?"

"Weed?"

" _What_? No. The  _cakes_ , Vegeta. Where are they?"

"You're terrible, Kakarot…"

As per their routine, Goku made himself a nuisance the whole time Vegeta prepped for dinner. With Goten and Trunks both upstairs and Vegeta in high spirits, Goku's hands had free reign to do his perverted bidding, their first destination being inside Vegeta's tracksuit bottoms. The fabric clung perfectly around the contour of his ass, which didn't bode well for Goku's already overactive imagination. "Do you wear this kind of stuff on purpose, Vegeta?"

Vegeta's snickered. He pressed his backside against Goku's crotch. "I wear what's comfortable."

"You're not even wearing any underwear. It can't be comfortable jiggling around like this all day." Goku squeezed his cheeks hard between his hands. "If you wore this to a spar I'd make you get rid of them for being too distracting."

Vegeta tilted his head backwards and nipped at the bottom of Goku's chin. "Why do you always want to fuck me when I'm cooking?"

Ignoring him, Goku nudged Vegeta forward until they both pressed against the stove. "I'm just trying to keep you safe. You shouldn't wear stuff like this in such a dangerous part of the house." Goku leaned his head toward a boiling pot inches away from Vegeta's hands. "You're going to hurt yourself over some stupid pants."

"Everywhere in the house is dangerous when  _you're_  around."

"Whatever. I'm takin' them off." Goku slid the stretchy fabric past Vegeta's waist until they dropped to his ankles. Inch by inch Goku ran his palms down the length of Vegeta's quivering thighs, crouching lower and lower until he was down on his knees. Being out in the open like this made him lightheaded, which wasn't helped  _any_ by Vegeta's loud purring. Goku razed his thumb over the round patch of fur at the bottom of the Prince's spine, enjoying the subsequent shudder from the simple caress.

Vegeta arched his back into the touch. "What are you doing back there?"

"Nothin'." Using his left hand to massage Vegeta's tail spot and the other to spread him open, Goku kissed a trail between Vegeta's legs until his face was comfortably buried between two mounds of flesh. Unashamed, he flicked the tip of his tongue against Vegeta's asshole. Above, Vegeta purred Goku's Saiyan name and spread his thighs further apart as a green light for Goku to go to town on him.

"Hey Goten, I hope our  _dads_  aren't doing anything  _weird_  in the kitchen right before dinner."

Trunks's voice had the effect of an air-raid siren on Goku's brain: his body reacted faster than his thoughts and in seconds he was sitting at the dinner table with his hands folded in his lap like a choir boy. Vegeta scrambled to tie the drawstrings on his pulled-up pants long after Goten and Trunks sat down.

Goku smiled as if Trunks hadn't caught him with his face deep in Vegeta's ass. "Hey, how's it going?"

"Fine." Trunks drummed his fingers on the table. "Dad, I need to tell you something."

Goku made himself as tiny as possible in his chair. Goten, on the other hand, played with the ends of his husband's hair as if it suddenly dawned on him how beautiful it was.

"What is it?" Vegeta asked.

Trunks crossed his arms. "Goten and I got married yesterday."

Silence. Vegeta continued to stir the pot on the stove with his back turned to them all. "Go on. I'm waiting for the punchline."

"It's true. We got married." Goten continued distracting himself with rolling the long strands of Trunks's hair between his fingertips. Goku recognized that look: his son was miles away in romantic Neverland and wasn't returning anytime soon. "We have the marriage certificate upstairs if you want to see it."

Vegeta whipped his head in Goku's direction. "Did you know about this?"

 _Dammit._  When Goku played out this scenario in his head earlier, he hadn't considered Vegeta would be upset with  _him_. He was completely blindsided. "Remember last night? I tried to tell you but you wanted me to put you in a good mood—"

Vegeta slammed the stoneware top back over his pot of stew; the loud clang made everyone jump in their seats. He turned around in a huff. "You thought sex was more important than telling me our sons got  _married_?"

 _Double dammit!_ Goku looked at Trunks for help. Why was all the blame getting heaped onto him? "They were going to tell you this morning but you were in such a rush to leave and—"

"What about for the past thirty minutes you were in here feeling me up? You couldn't tell me  _then_?"

"We talked about this, 'Geta. You can't walk around in pants like that and expect me to think straight. My brain can only handle one thing at a time!"

"Uh, hello? Are we going to talk about me and Goten yet?"

Vegeta twirled the large spoon in his hand between his fingers. The look he gave his son was inscrutable. "Tell me, Trunks. Why wasn't I invited to the wedding?"

That was the absolute last question Goku expected to hear come out of his mouth. Trunks stuttered to get his words out. "I, ah, I didn't think—"

"You didn't think I would approve, so you decided to elope."

"Yeah!" Trunks said, pointing his finger in accusation at his father. "I knew you would hate it—"

"I don't hate it."

"You  _don't_?" Trunks and Goten said in unison.

Vegeta stared up into the ceiling, and Goku wondered if he was saying a silent prayer to himself. But what deity would the Prince of the Saiyans possibly beseech for guidance? Vegeta rolled his shoulders and sighed. "You're young. But Goten _is_  a Son, after all." He lowered his voice, a blush creeping over his face. "I think we have a weakness for them, so who am I to tell you not to marry him?"

Trunks grinned a mile wide. "Was that your seal of approval for our marriage?"

"Sure. Whatever."

Goten leapt from his seat. "Thank you Mr. Vegeta!" He bowed. "You don't know how much this means to me!"

"Don't call me that."

Trunks glared at Goku. "And to think you told us all that crap about him getting mad at us."

"Yeah, Dad, that was pretty rude what you said to us yesterday," Goten said.

Before Goku could defend himself, Vegeta burst into laughter. "Did Kakarot tell you both to move out yet?"

"What's that?" Trunks held a cupped hand to his ear. "I think I misheard the last thing you said, Dad."

"You two are married right?" Vegeta waved and looped his spoon through the air in delight. Goku couldn't believe he hadn't noticed it before—his mate was about to reap all the benefits that came with his child reaching adulthood. The most enjoyable benefit was, of course, the chance to kick him out of the house. "You're going to have to find a new place to live. And jobs, of course."

" _Jobs_? Dad, you've never worked a day in your damn life."

"That's not true. And besides, my job on  _this_  planet was raising  _you._ "

Trunks slammed his hands on the table, shaking all the silverware. "Goku doesn't have a job either!"

"Shut-up. His job is to sit around and look pretty for me."

"Aw, thanks Vegeta!"

Trunks shook his head, his resolve cracking every second he got closer to realizing he couldn't win this fight. "This isn't fair. What about my allowance? I at least get to keep that, right?"

"Allowance?" Vegeta snorted. "You better discuss that with your mother. You're not getting another cent out of me."

Trunks and Goten exchanged panicked looks. "Fine. But what about Goten? I have to take care of him, right?"

Bending over at the waist, Vegeta grabbed his heaving sides. "Do you— _ha_ —do you want to be his _sugar daddy_?"

"So what if I do!"

Goku could count on one hand the number of times Vegeta fell over in side-splitting laughter. He watched the Prince slide down to the floorboards in cackling mirth was beautiful to behold. "That's fine by me, Trunks. But see what Bulma thinks of that!"

"You know," Goku said, "I could help you two find a place to live if you want."

Goten whined in a pitch Goku hadn't heard since the boy was ten years old. "Dad, you want me to leave?"

Goku shook his head. The puppy-dog eyes his son flashed him were cute, but ineffective. He'd patented that move years before Goten was even born. "Of course not." He glanced at his mate, who was busy wiping away tears from his eyes. "But I have to agree with Vegeta. A married couple should have a place of their own."

Trunks rubbed his face. He'd aged ten years in the few minutes his father ridiculed him. "You guys just want to turn Goten's room into a nurs—"

"Nothing at all!" Goku grabbed Trunks's kneecap under the table and squeezed it until Trunks yelled. "Feel free to stay until you find a new place."

Trunks slid his leg away from Goku's iron grip. "We'll just stay at Capsule Corp if we need to."

"I don't want to  _live_  there, Trunks…"

The teenage boys argued about their future living arrangements, but their bickering morphed into a din within Goku's mind. Vegeta was much more interesting to pay attention to. He was swift in preparing dinner and even faster eating it. Soon Trunks and Goten left the house, still in disagreement, leaving only Vegeta and Goku as the lone survivors in the kitchen. Vegeta did his best to extend their time together by picking at thin pieces of meat on his plate he couldn't possibly spear with a fork.

Goku wasn't afraid to break the silence. He scooted his chair closer to Vegeta and ignored the grating sound of the chair legs scraping across the floor. "Hey. How're ya?"

"Good." Now that Goku was nearby, Vegeta could relieve himself of the duty of playing with his food. He dropped his fork and massaged Goku's thigh beneath the table. "18 told me to relax more often."

"Huh. How's that going so far?"

"Better than I thought. I didn't feel the urge to punch Trunks's lights out at all." Vegeta stretched his free arm behind his head and yawned. "If I had a studio to hide away in, I think it would be a good alternative to getting high again."

"I'm sorry about that." Goku tried to catch any hint of annoyance on Vegeta's face. Whatever the Prince was thinking about was serene, as his brows and mouth were relaxed and his eyes half-lidded. Goku leaned forward to rub his temple. "It'll be done in no time. I promise. Even Trunks helped out today while you were gone."

" _Trunks_ helped? Now I know to expect the ceiling to cave in. Hopefully it won't be while I'm in the middle of a painting."

 _Shit. There's no way he knew about the roof, right?_  "Don't worry, I'll double-check everything before it's all finished."

Vegeta nuzzled his face against Goku's palm. "Mm. Kakarot, I've been pretty stressed out lately."

"Yeah?"

"Do you think you can help me be more relaxed?"

"Sure. What can I do for you?"

"Tomorrow night I'll be in heat again." Vegeta kissed the knuckle gently rubbing beside his mouth. It was amazing how soft his lips were despite their usual state of being twisted into a scowl. Goku watched, mesmerized, as Vegeta's mouth slowly opened and closed. "I want you to do something creative in the bedroom."

Goku gulped. "Creative? Like what?"

Vegeta looked up at him, grinning. He stood and walked out of the kitchen.

 _What the hell?_ Goku trailed behind him. "Vegeta, what do you want me to do?"

 _There._ When he saw the look on Vegeta's face again, he wanted to kick himself. Vegeta's shit-eating grin let Goku know he was wrapped around the smaller Saiyan's little finger. Vegeta turned his princely nose up in the air and marched right for the front door.

"C'mon Vegeta. Don't ignore me."

Vegeta unlocked the deadbolt without paying any mind to Goku. When the front door swung open, Goku leaned over Vegeta and slammed it back closed. Still mute, Vegeta turned around to question Goku's aggression with a raised brow.

"You're not leaving," Goku said.

Vegeta rolled his eyes and jiggled the doorknob again. Goku shoved him against the door. "I  _said_  you're not leaving. You'll do as I say."

The coy look Goku received in response made his blood boil. Did Vegeta think he was so stupid as to have a one-sided verbal argument? "Vegeta. Speak.  _Now_."

Silence.

"This is mean!"

Vegeta studied his fingernails.

"If you don't say anything, I'll—I'll kiss you!"

They sloppily made out against the front door. Goku pinned Vegeta's wrists to either side of his head, and tasted the full length of his tongue.  _Perfect._  Sooner or later Vegeta would crack under the pressure and say  _something._

The loud  _clink_ of his belt unbuckling distracted Goku from his plotting.  _Huh?_ All the kissing must've gotten to him, because in the last few seconds he'd swapped places with Vegeta against the door. Vegeta tugged his jeans down to the floor along with his underwear, his erection springing up to slap against his abdomen.  _Goddamn_. The excitement of an impending blow job led to his downfall: Vegeta easily shoved him over onto the floor and made a dash out the front door before Goku could even get his pants back up.

"Aw, man. How embarrassing." Goku scampered back into the kitchen to clear the dishes from the table. Hopefully Vegeta would be gone long enough for him to think of something "creative."

* * *

When they went to bed later that night, they didn't have sex. Goku wasn't upset over it, but it did make him think.

Maybe he shouldn't have been so hasty to dismiss King Vegeta's horrible bedroom advice. If what the old man said was true, Goku  _was_  doing something wrong. Vegeta had never been "wet" during any of the times they had sex during his heat, and Goku wasn't so ignorant of Vegeta's needs to miss the frantic way they made love every time the moon was full. Their monthly romps had become painful reminders of failed pregnancy tests instead of a time to lose themselves to passion.

Goku rolled over in bed. He saw that even while sleeping, Vegeta frowned at some enemy that plagued his dreams. Or maybe it was just his resting bitch face. Goku wasn't sure. Either way, he was determined to make true on his mate's request to de-stress their lives, if not for one night.

The following morning he kicked Vegeta out of the house and told him to return after sunset. Vegeta didn't mind—he figured it was about time to bother Piccolo for another spar. It was a school day, so Goten left around the same time as Vegeta so he'd get to class on time.

Goku was thankful Trunks was free from the restrictive bonds of the education system to work for him instead. He was hesitant to let Trunks have any hand in installing insulation and hanging drywall, but he picked up on all the tasks quickly. As the sun floated in an arc across the sky from one horizon to the other, their skeletal husk of a building transformed into a sight to behold. By sunset, Goku's hands were bleeding but his soul was vindicated.

Trunks laid on his back in the grass. A lone firefly drifted past the tip of his nose. "I can't believe it's finally done."

Winded, Goku fell backwards and landed next to Trunks on the ground. "Yep. Good work!"

"Thanks. I've never built anything before." Trunks gently blew away the firefly. "I thought it was kind of a dumb idea at first, you know? Mom said you couldn't just bought Dad a capsule with a studio on the inside."

"Sounds like something Bulma would say," Goku mumbled. He hadn't spoken to her recently, but if he were superstitious he'd be shocked his ears didn't burn night and day. "This is so much better than anything you'd find in a store, right?"

Trunks shrugged. "If you bought a capsule studio I'm sure it'd be twice as big as this one."

"And twice as expensive," Goku reminded him. Now that he'd stopped working, the brisk autumn breeze was finally getting to him. He shivered. "I hope you didn't find working with me a  _complete_  waste of time."

"Nah. It was pretty cool. I can't wait for Dad to see it."

"Oh, no." Goku chuckled. "You've got to leave before he gets home."

"What?" Trunks rolled over and stared at Goku in the dying sunlight. "I'm not leaving. I spent all  _day_  on this. I want to see the look on his face when he sees it for the first time!"

"I understand." Goku grabbed Trunks's shoulder and gave him the most paternal and concerned look he could muster. "But your father and I have to attend to some important business you can't be around to see."

"Oh, God. You guys are going to _do_  it in there, aren't you?"

"The second he walks through the door."

Trunks lifted his hands into the air. "I'm done. I'll take Goten out to dinner. See ya." He jumped back on his feet and limped toward the house.

"Thanks for all your help!"

"Whatever…"

* * *

Goku never bothered asking Vegeta why they lost their appetite whenever the moon was full. A full belly, unlike normal humans, put a spring in his step before a big fight or strenuous activity. But something about Vegeta going into heat overtook any desire to waste time eating.

When Vegeta finally returned home, he met a freshly-showered Goku in the living room and immediately wrapped his arms around his neck. Laughing, Goku cupped his hands beneath his butt and hoisted him into the air. He carried the Prince outside to the backyard, not a single greeting exchanged between them.

The harsh wind fought against both of their bodies as Goku traversed across the grass. Vegeta inhaled the scent of Goku's neck, eyes closed in reverent thought. "You smell like wood."

"And  _you_  smell like baby powder."

"Piccolo had to babysit Pan today." Vegeta didn't have to explain his joy. He simply smiled into Goku's neck.

Goku kissed his forehead. "Alright. I'm going to put you down." Gently he slid Vegeta back onto his own two feet, then spun him around.

Shocked at the sight before him, Vegeta stumbled backwards into Goku's chest. "Kakarot. What—!"

"Do you like it?" Goku placed both his hands behind his head and tilted his chin up to get a full view of his work. The building stood as a stark, white monolith jutting from the earth. Piercing through its slick facade were giant, round windows that bled yellow light from the inside, the building illuminating the night like a giant lantern. He knew Vegeta liked simplicity, but installing the curious round windows was to satisfy his own conceit. The rectangle-shaped windows Trunks worked on sat on the upper corner of the building where a loft was cloistered away.

All-in-all, not a bad job for a three day turnaround. Goku massaged Vegeta's shoulders from behind. "Pretty good, right?  _Riight_?"

"It's…I don't know what to say, to be honest."

"Hm? What's wrong with your voice?"

Vegeta kept his back turned. "No one's ever made me something like this before."

"Heh. It's no Gravity Room, but I like it."

Vegeta covered his face with a raised arm. "I like it too, Kakarot…"

 _Oh._ Pleased with the reaction, Goku pushed against the small of Vegeta's back so he stepped closer to the front door. "Don't cry yet. You haven't even seen the inside!"

"I'm not crying."

Heat wrapped around their bodies as soon as they stepped foot past the threshold of the entryway. The front door clicked closed behind Goku. "It's not  _too_  big, but it fits everything you need. See?" He swept his arm toward the north side of the room. "Marron helped me get all the right stuff. There's a whole wall of drawing and painting supplies. Marron said you'd need a rack for canvases too, so there's one in the corner."

Uncertain, Vegeta slowly strolled into the middle of the room. He turned around in a circle, drinking in the open space.

"And, uh," Goku stammered, unsure why he was losing his cool, "I went over Krillin's house and saw you had a ton of books. So I had to build a really wide bookshelf." He pointed to the east wall. "See?"

"You got all of my things already."

"Uh-huh." Goku joined Vegeta in the middle of the room. "Marron also said you'd need water if you wanted to get any paintings done, so I installed a sink next to the wall of paints. Then she said I should get you an easel as well as a good…one of  _those_  things." Goku pointed to an oddly-shaped wooden bench near the canvas rack.

"An art horse."

"Yeah!" Goku beamed. "I also figured you'd be spending a lot of time in here so the whole west side of the room is for—"

"Relaxing."

"Yep!" Goku wrapped his arm around Vegeta and led them toward the northwestern corner of the room. "There's a small kitchenette here, as well as a futon. And a bathroom, of course, but it isn't very big."

"Is there a second floor?" Vegeta pointed to a flight of stairs leading up toward the rafters.

"Kinda. I made a small loft for you. It's a bit cramped, but there's enough room for the bed up there."

"A bed."

"Yeah. A bed." Goku stared at Vegeta's blank expression. "You know…for sleeping on."

" _Sleeping_."

"Yup. You know, that thing you do where you close your eyes and, uh—"

Vegeta smiled. "Fall asleep."

"Yeah!"

"Yeah."

* * *

Vegeta  _really_  liked his new studio.

Goku laid spread-eagle and naked on the crisp, white sheets of the loft bed. Between his legs Vegeta sucked him off like it'd been his cock who put in all the hard work of building for the past few days. Not that Goku minded at all.

Circling around the top of the loft was a shower rod, and attached to it, a curtain enshrouding them both in dim darkness. Earlier, Goku felt like a huge pervert the whole time Trunks watched him build the loft, but the boy knew better than to ask too many questions about  _why_  his dad would need so much privacy while sleeping.

A thin strip of light crept in from either side of the closed curtain, providing Goku with enough sight to see the Prince's tongue lick circles around his balls. "Goddamn, Vegeta."

Narrow eyes looked back up at him. "Kakarot," Vegeta said in a throaty moan, "let me lick your ass."

"Fuck." Goku didn't even know if he said it out of frustration or longing. If he let Vegeta venture into rim job territory, he was fucking  _done_  for the rest of the night. He'd be on his back for hours and would have little reason to get back up again. And that was  _no_  way to cure pregnancy blues. It was a rare moment to see Vegeta coaxing him into doing something new, but Goku would have to forgo it.

 _If_ he could get Vegeta to stop touching him. The Prince had lost interest in persuasion and was already propping his legs up on the mattress. An involuntary purr rumbled in Goku's chest; Vegeta bit at the skin between his thighs and steadily headed south. "Vegeta, please—"

Too late. A strong, wet muscle pressed between his legs. " _Ooh..._ "

Vegeta sighed. He swirled his tongue in languid circles around the hole, groaning nonsense in a blissful trance. For so long Goku had only known the sensation of being on the giving end, unaware that Vegeta's wet licks and vibrating mouth could send him nearly writhing off the bed. His lover's hands were impossibly warm, and stroking his erection up and down in rhythm with the curl of his tongue. When Vegeta licked him dead in the center and pushed past his clenched ring of muscle, a low moan rose from Goku's lips. "I can't," he gasped, surprised his mouth was so dry. "I can't, Vegeta."

Vegeta rose his head between Goku's legs. A thin trail of drool slid down his chin as he panted, completely out of breath. "Too much?"

"Yes!"

"Good." All rough, Vegeta slid two fingers inside Goku's tightness and scissored.

Goku had to pace his breathing. Vegeta's mouth joined his fingers in stretching him out, effectively milking all the fight out of him. Instead of Vegeta, Goku was going to be the one to get fucked like a bitch in heat. His resolve when it came to sex always crumbled the second Vegeta gained the upper hand, making him a pitiful dominant partner. In the fog of his brain he longed to be the submissive one—the guilt eating away at his conscious would  _not_  leave him be.

Vegeta's crooked smile captivated him. Slowly, the Prince lifted his shaky legs into the air and pushed them toward his stomach. His hips lifted off the bed as his heels were pushed to either side of his head. It didn't hurt, but being bent in half sent a deep stretch through his muscles he was unaccustomed to feeling. All the heat made Goku's head swim, his brief moment to recollect himself interrupted when Vegeta slammed into him to the hilt. "Mm—!"

"Aah..." Vegeta stared deep into his eyes from above, thrusting into Goku so both their hips pressed together. The mixture of pain and glorious unraveling of pleasure slowed Goku's thoughts down to a crawl. All he could focus on was the fierce need to feel Vegeta go deep, as deep as possible, inside of him. Hands shaking, he pulled his knees closer to his chest to allow the man pounding him more leverage. Vegeta leaned down to kiss him until his lips throbbed in pain. The taste of copper lingered in his mouth once his mate pulled away. "Kakarot," Vegeta said, struggling to keep his eyes open, "do you need more?"

Goku nodded his head fervently. "I  _need_  it," he moaned, hating the desperation in his voice.

In anticipation, he closed his eyes. The overwhelming energy of Vegeta's transformation lit every nerve ending in his body on fire. He flung his arms backwards and grabbed onto the headboard, suddenly aware of how hard the bed frame scraped across the floor.

Above, Vegeta laughed at him. And he had all the right in the world to do so. "You put out so easily. I can't believe it."

" _Hnng_ …Feels too good not to put out." Goku opened his eyes and was greeted by Vegeta encased in a heavenly flame of light. His blond hair whipped in the swirling air around them, his visage much like a god who enjoyed toying with his body. Which wasn't far from the truth. Goku never considered this powerful need of his—to be screwed senseless by a man—to be much of a secret. But only Vegeta and Yamcha knew he held possession of this type of craving that, in the right moment, rendered him utterly defenseless. "I'm sorry," he cried out.

"For what?" Vegeta didn't break his rhythm, but the lust in his eyes faded into concern. Loving fingers teased at Goku's belly button.

"Sorry this feels so good!" Goku joined Vegeta in touching his stomach. Both of their hands slid to Goku's cock and grasped at the base. Something inside him broke as Vegeta helped him jerk himself off in quick strokes. "Fuck. I want to do this to you!"

Vegeta's filthy leer returned. "Shut-up."

The pleasure welling inside of him reached its peak. He shouted, the familiar heady sensation overwhelming him. Vegeta stroked him to completion, most of his cum gushing onto his stomach and Vegeta's fingers.

Goku gasped Vegeta's name over and over again, until the Prince thrusted into him a final time and teetered over. He lost the grip on the cock inside of him and fell to his side along with his lover. The whole time he hadn't noticed the clattering of the curtain rods above them, which quieted down once Vegeta's golden aura faded away.

Ego bruised even in the wake of his orgasm, Vegeta ascended to Super Saiyan again. He quieted his labored breathing. "Shit, Kakarot."

"Yeah." Goku enjoyed the way their pants and clipped groans filled the air. Vegeta looked stunning with his glistening chest heaving in the dim light. Goku kissed away a stray bead of sweat racing down his brow. "Let's switch places. You can be the dominant one instead."

"No way." Vegeta turned his head and pressed his lips against the bridge of Goku's nose. Soft breath tickled Goku's skin, dragging a weak laugh out of him. "You couldn't handle it," Vegeta muttered.

"You're right about that." Goku stared out the small window near the bed. The full moon hung like a beacon. Maybe it wasn't too late for him to turn the tide before the night ended.

* * *

With Goku asleep at his side, Vegeta's mind wandered to strange places.

He was never good at accepting gifts. Favors were a different story, as that entailed repayment. Thus the concept of giving without receiving often eluded him.

He'd rarely commented on Goku's plan to build him an art studio. It was a tall order to fill, and the project seemed to perplex Goku in ways Vegeta wasn't sure he had the right to question. Drawing in their bedroom or on the grass outside was fine by him.

But here he was, sitting in the rafters of his own art space with a dominant mate whose true nature was to give as much as possible. Part of him couldn't believe it. In an ugly alternate reality where Vegeta was weaker, he'd naturally be mated with a Saiyan who'd show little mercy on nights like this. He certainly wouldn't have time to contemplate the concept of "giving." Instead, he lived in a world where Goku lay next to him snoring up a storm, pleasantly worn out from succumbing to his instinct to bottom.  _You're a strange one indeed, Kakarot._

A cowlick of hair hanging over Goku's forehead swung like a pendulum in time with his breathing. For a millisecond, Vegeta believed everything would be okay. His life wouldn't end if it were just the two of them living alone in the mountains until they grew gray. Things could be much worse.

Goku rolled over in his sleep and crushed Vegeta under his weight.  _Alright, that's enough._ He tugged on Goku's balls until he stirred awake.

"Mm, Vegeta, that feels nice."

"Wake up, pervert."

Goku wrapped his arms around Vegeta's neck, still comfortably laying on top of him. "Hey, what's up?"

"'What's up'? I want to fuck, that's what's up."

"Ooh. Okay!" Goku hopped onto all fours like an excited puppy. Going by the glimmer in his eye, he must've thought Vegeta had other plans for him. "Ah, sorry about earlier again. I don't know why I get like that sometimes."

"Sometimes? You're like that  _all_  of the time." Vegeta stared at the innocent face above him. He wondered what Goku's friends would think of him if they knew all of the filthy things he enjoyed doing behind closed doors. "Stop apologizing. You know I don't mind."

"Alright." Goku sat on his knees on top of Vegeta's stomach, a contemplative look on his face. "I haven't forgotten what you said the other night about—"

"You doing something creative?" Vegeta knew it was rude to cut people off, but he couldn't stand how long it often took Goku to get to the point when it came to sex.

"Yeah! I'd like to try something new if you want."

Vegeta scoffed. "Is this going to be like the last time you showed me a new technique of yours?"

"No!" Goku pressed the tips of his index fingers together, all of a sudden affected by the curse of shyness. "Unless you want me to do that again?"

"Ugh. You're a real piece of work, Kakarot." Vegeta grabbed Goku's hips and slid him hard against his groin. "Stop lying to yourself. We both know what you  _really_  want. Your face  _down_  and your ass  _up_."

Goku rolled his hips against Vegeta's until his length hardened. The conflict on his face was fun to watch from below: Goku bit his lip to hold back a moan and avoided looking directly at Vegeta as he spoke. "You're making this hard for me, baby…"

"Am I?" Vegeta continued to slide their hips together, drawing out a small whimper from his partner. "Do as I say. Come sit on my face so I can prepare you again."

Goku's eyes fluttered closed. "I don't  _want_  to," he purred.

"After you're wet," Vegeta said, bucking his hips, "I'll fuck you until you scream."

"Vegeta!"

"And I won't stop until you're hoarse. That's what you  _really_  want, isn't it?" The tremor in Vegeta's voice exposed him. He was losing his nerve, and fast. Both of them were slick against each other, Goku already dripping precum onto his abdomen. Vegeta couldn't help but laugh at the pathetic look of defeat on the man's face. "Admit it. You don't want to do anything _new_. You just want me to make you my bitch until the sun rises."

Goku took the bait. Fingers clenched around Vegeta's throat. "Shut-up," Goku said, tightening his grip. "Shut the fuck up."

Vegeta laughed. "No."

Strong hands shoved him headfirst off the edge of the bed. The move surprised him, and he had to slam his palms against the floor to break his fall. His legs and hips still laid elevated on the mattress.

"Don't move," Goku ordered.

Vegeta relaxed into the strange position. With the bed supporting half his weight, it was easy for him to take a moment to catch his breath. "What do you have planned for me, Kakarot?"

"If you shut-up for two seconds you'll find out."

The urge to grind his cock against the sheets overwhelmed any sense of decency he had left. Goku's gravelly voice was too hot to ignore. Vegeta arched his back and spread his legs the best he could, not  _so_  far gone that he needed words to beg for a good fuck. Behind him, Goku sat down in the gap between his thighs and swung his legs over Vegeta's hips until they hung off the side of the bed. Vegeta savored the warmth of having both of Goku's legs on either side of him, the threat of them crushing his rib cage igniting his lust. Goku could kill him right now if he so wished.

Looking down, Vegeta watched his mate's toes gingerly scratch against the floor. He couldn't crane his neck around to get a better look at their position, but the way Goku probed his entrance with his thumb removed any doubt that his mate wasn't enjoying the view.

"Damn," Goku said. The sensation of spit collecting behind Vegeta's balls sent a shiver down his spine. He paid for his moment of weakness: Goku slapped his right cheek so hard tears welled in his eyes. Goku laughed at his pain. "You look hot."

All the blood rushed to Vegeta's head. "Do I make a good pretzel?"

Goku dug his fingernails into Vegeta's hips and rocked forward until his cock filled him whole. Vegeta's arms failed him and he nearly cracked his skull against the wooden floorboards. "Kakarot—!"

"Shit!" Goku breathed in and out. Vegeta heard him swallow, then open his mouth again. "Hang on, okay?"

"Huh?" There was no time for Vegeta to process the warning. Goku moved, pounding his thick length in deep, slow strokes. Vision blurring again, Vegeta took a few seconds to thank every god of the universe for giving him a mate that could, literally, screw him blind. As if the music of their skin slapping together wasn't enough, Goku serenaded him with the vilest combination of words Vegeta had heard since ever setting foot on the planet.  _A man after my own heart._

Goku's frustration was Vegeta's liberation, the pleasure nearly throwing him into a state of shock. And Goku's  _language_! The horrible things Earth's savior called him made him want to cry. Not out of offense, of course, but in knowing Goku called him out of name to goad him closer to climax. Never had he felt so perfectly out of harm's way. Being the sole recipient of Goku's unbridled passion hurt his body and mind in the most perfect way.

He came. He didn't care that it went all over his stomach and onto the floor around his hands. Out of the corner of his eyes he watched Goku's toes curl. Vegeta couldn't believe he was still coming…He wasn't stopping…and…wait, this definitely felt weird—

Goku gasped. "Whoaaa, Vegeta!"

 _Fuck. Fuck!_ He'd just done the unthinkable. There was no mistaking the moisture between his ass cheeks. What could he even say? "Kakarot!"

Panting, Goku released his hands from Vegeta's hips. "Ehehe."

If this had happened with any other person, Vegeta figured he would keel over and die.  _Goddamn 18 to hell for telling me to relax!_  "P-put me down this instant!"

"Calm down." Goku rubbed Vegeta's sweaty shoulders. "It's not what you think it is."

"What do you mean!"

"It's, uh…clear. And kinda sticky." Goku giggled. "Geez Vegeta, you squirted all over me."

"I don't  _squirt_." Struggling, Vegeta twisted his neck around to give Goku a proper dirty look. His mate's hair and face were  _drenched_. Utterly humiliated, Vegeta closed his eyes and wished the nightmare away.

"Don't be sad! I think it's a good thing!" Still hard, Goku gently pushed himself deeper inside of Vegeta. "It was really hot watching it happen."

"You're disgusting!"

"C'mon Vegeta. I liked it!" Goku massaged his lower back. "I know it must've felt good for you too. You shot a good meter."

"This is so embarrassing. I think—I think I'm going to  _faint_."

"Whatever. I'm gonna make it happen again."

The night continued with Vegeta taking every inch of abuse from Goku, sometimes begging for relief or more sex, the end result always being the same. By morning he'd released his pleasure so many times, the mattress was as much of a bed as a soggy piece of cardboard. Goku was nice and tip-toed around his feelings about the mess he made, but admitted they'd have to throw the damn thing out and get a new one if Vegeta ever wanted to actually use it for sleeping.

"Ay, Vegeta? Are you okay?" Shafts of morning light pooled onto Goku's shoulders. All Vegeta knew about  _himself_  was that he was curled into a shivering ball on the bed. In contrast, his mate looked like he'd fucked the Sandman instead of him in exchange for a good night's rest.

"Gods." Vegeta attempted to move his legs. It hurt too much. "I can't move."

"Wow!" Goku stretched his arms towards the heavens.  _He's not mocking me, is he?_ "Damn baby, that was great. I feel like a million bucks!"

"Great."

"Aww. Let me take care of you today." Goku lifted him up off the bed. "Eww…the sheets are sticking to your body!"

"This is all your fault." Goku's skin, like Vegeta always knew, burned like a furnace whenever they touched. He rested his head on Goku's shoulder and whispered into his ear. "Will you cook breakfast this time around?"

"Of course." They walked down the stairs with Vegeta slung over Goku's shoulder. Warm hands rubbed the Prince's sore rear. "Wanna shower first? I don't think the one you gave me is gonna cut it."

"Fuck you, Kakarot."

* * *

Breakfast was awkward.

"Dad? Are you okay?" Trunks gave an askew glance at his father from across the table. For some reason, Goten was missing from his side. "You look…"

 _Well-fucked_ , Goku thought.  _Vegeta looks well-fucked._

"Tired," Trunks finally settled on saying.

"I didn't get much sleep last night." There wasn't a hint of irony in his voice. Vegeta struggled to gather the eggs onto his fork. "I'm very tired."

Goku grinned. He slowly trailed his gaze down to Vegeta's stomach.  _There better be a baby in there this time, so help me Dende._

Goten walked into the kitchen with a manila envelope in his hand. He turned the curious object around in the air. "Hey, Dad? Do you know who this could be from?"

"What is it?" It pained Goku to no longer have the chance to enjoy Vegeta's fatigue from last night. Sighing, he reached across the table and took the envelope from his son's hands. "There's no address on the front."

"I know. Sometime knocked on the door this morning while you guys were gone and left it on the porch."

Vegeta and Goku looked at each other. Goku shrugged, and tore the top of the envelope open. "Were you expecting anything in the mail, Vegeta?"

"No."

Goku held the envelope upside down. A large photograph slipped out and floated onto the table. Everyone pushed their plates aside and leaned forward to get a closer look. "What the hell  _is_  this?" Trunks asked.

Goten squinted his eyes. "Dad, did you go to a costume party at some point?"

The longer Goku stared at the picture, the more confused he became. Foreign words captioned the bottom of the picture, making it obvious it was cut from a newspaper. On the right side of the photo was  _him_ , a velvet crown on his head and an elaborate robe swept across his shoulders. On the left stood Vegeta, who wore a similar crown and regal wear.

Cradled in his arms was a baby. Goku had no idea  _whose_  baby it was, seeing as it had curly red hair.

Perhaps more confounding than the baby's presence were the horrible expressions on both of their faces. Vegeta had a thousand-yard stare, while Goku was forever immortalized in the middle of bawling his eyes out.

"This is creepy." Trunks slid backwards into his chair again. "This is really,  _really_  creepy."

"You're telling me." Goku studied the photo again for any clue as to where it had taken place. And why was he  _crying_? He looked like someone was holding him at gunpoint.  _Why would someone put this in a newspaper?_ "It has to be fake, right? We never took a picture like this before."

Vegeta jabbed his finger into his own face in the photo. "That's not me."

"What do you mean? Who the hell  _else_  could it be?" Goku didn't mean to sound so angry, but Vegeta's statement was definitely an accusation against him.

"That's your stupid friend. Yorick."

"No it's not!" Goku picked up the picture to bring it closer to his face. "That's  _you_ , Vegeta!"

"There's no mistaking the idiotic look on his face. That's  _him_."

"That doesn't make any sense!"

"Nothing about this picture makes any sense." Disgusted, Vegeta looked away. "Get rid of it. It's someone's idea of a prank."

"Don't throw it away! Don't you want to know where it came from?" Trunks pulled the newspaper clipping from Goku's hands. He held it up into the kitchen light. "There's something written on the back."

Goku snatched it from his grasp. The writing was faded and difficult to read. "It says…'The future is inevitable. I'm sorry, Mom."


	5. Part Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yep. This is the longest chapter in the series so far.
> 
> I have endless thanks for BringingYaoiBack! She read over this beast of a chapter and basically saved me from descending into madness by giving me tons of advice. I also have to shout out to all of my friends and followers on tumblr who listen to my daily crazy talk about Goku and Vegeta!

"'The future is inevitable'? Is that a warning?" Goten asked.

Trunks, thoroughly spooked, leaned away from the photo to avoid its evil aura. "Maybe. But who the hell is 'Mom' supposed to be?"

"Oooh!" Goten bounced in his seat. "This reminds me of a book I read. I bet it's an anagram for a real name!" Thrilled to test out his theory, he ignored the annoyed grunt Vegeta sent in his direction and immediately voiced every possible combination for the word "mom." "Mom can be rearranged to spell 'Omm.'"

"'Omm'?" Trunks scoffed. "That's not a name at all."

"It _could_ be. All names are made up anyway!"

Trunks snapped his fingers in Goten's face. "Holy shit. 'Omm' is the sound you make when you meditate, right?"

Goten gasped. "That's _right._ You're so smart!"

"I know." Trunks rubbed Goten's shoulder. "I'm the brains, and you're the brawn. Well, I'm the brawn too."

Goten's eyes widened in realization. "I never thought of us in that way."

"Of course not. That's why I'm the brains."

Goten nodded. "Okay. But can you explain what meditation has to do with the picture?"

"Uhh...hm…"

All the expert detective work would trigger an aneurysm in Vegeta's brain if he allowed it to continue any longer. "For fuck's sake. 'Mom' is not an anagram foranything."

Trunks drooped his head. The moment to bask in Goten's admiration for his intellect had gone as quickly as it had come. "You're right, Dad. It's more likely it's a code word for something else."

The spell the picture held over Goku's attention broke. He looked up at Trunks with a blank expression on his face. "That makes sense."

Vegeta fisted his hair. "No it doesn't, Kakarot."

"Why not? No one here is named 'Mom' or 'Omm.'"

"It's not a goddamn name!" Vegeta pounded on the table and all of the plates jumped a few inches into the air. The clatter of ceramic against wood nearly drowned out his voice. "How can you all be so dense? The person _supposedly_ addressed it to their mother."

"Get with the program, Dad." Vegeta didn't miss the suspicious narrowing of his son's eyes. Trunks spoke his next words with caution. "No one here is a mom."

"Maybe," Goten said, his voice rising as his confidence grew, "whoever sent it _thinks_ someone living here is a mom?"

Vegeta watched the slow arc of Goku's hand making its way to the back of his spiky head. A surefire sign that unoiled gears were struggling to turn in the mind of Earth's savior. "Do you think…the person who dropped this off…is…"

Goten leaned closer toward Goku. "Is _what_ , Dad?"

"From the future?"

Vegeta found strange comfort in covering his face with his hands. "Just—no, Kakarot."

"It _is_ a stupid theory," Trunks contended.

"Oh come _on_!" Goku motioned toward Trunks. "You came from the future one time. Remember?"

Trunks pinched the bridge of his nose. "No."

"Why not?"

"It doesn't work that way."

"Really? How about that!" Goku laughed. "That's weird."

Vegeta counted backwards from five. It worked this time to silence the screaming in his brain. "Why would someone build a time machine just to deliver an apology?"

Goku scratched his chin. "Maybe in the future our mystery guy does something bad. So he came back in time to apologize before it happens."

"You're telling me," Vegeta huffed, "that someone traveled back in time to apologize for you attending some stupid costume party with that vampire trash?"

Goku looked down at the photo again. "I don't remember ever taking this picture. So it's gotta be from the future too. Maybe whoever left this here is apologizing in advance for making me cry?"

"But you're not a mother."

"That's true…"

"Wait a second," Goten said. His eyes darted around the kitchen. "I answered the door a few seconds after the knocking stopped. Shouldn't I have caught whoever came to drop this off?"

Small beads of sweat dripped down the side of Trunks's face. "Why didn't you mention that earlier? Knowing that changes everything."

"How?" Goten said, his previous excitement dead and gone and his voice replaced with a whisper.

"Either that person is very fast, or he hid somewhere near the house right before you answered the door."

Goten gasped. "Do you think he's watching us right now?"

The boy's paranoia infected everyone in the room except for Vegeta. Goten bent over in his chair to see if any bogeymen were hiding under the table. Goku swiveled around and looked over his shoulder, only to be greeted by his lonely shadow cast across floor. He laughed until his voice reached a fever pitch. "That's ridiculous. What kind of person would spy on us?"

"The kind of person who wants to keep his…or her identity hidden." Trunks narrowed his eyes, suddenly interested in whatever laid outside the kitchen window. "It's probably that girl who broke in here a few days ago. Who else could it be?"

"I thought it was a man," Vegeta said, boring holes into Goku's face with his death stare.

"He thinks it was a girl for some reason." Goku shrugged. "That guy seemed pretty nice, though. I can't imagine he'd do something mean like spy on us."

"Why do you like that burglar so much, Kakarot?" A clear image popped into Vegeta's mind: he was strangling Goku in hopes to wring the idiocy right out of his body. "Is it because you know who it was?"

Utterly lost, Goku tilted his head and lived up to his reputation of being a confused puppy. "I never got to see his face. How could I possibly know who it was? "

"Because you keep saying the _jackass_ who _broke into our home_ is _nice._ "

Goku laughed. "It's just a feeling I have!"

"Bullshit." Vegeta grew tired of beating around the bush. "We both know it's your stupid friend screwing with us. What else explains the random break-in with nothing stolen and this stupid picture of you two together?"

Goku's face brightened at the mention of Yorick. Which made Vegeta want to flip the table over. "No way, Vegeta. He isn't strong enough to kick me through a wall. He can barely punch me without it feeling like a tickle."

"So is that what you two did while you were gone for a year? You tickled each other every night before going to bed together?"

"Huh?"

Goten, bless his heart, sensed an argument on the horizon and decided it was best to bail as soon as possible. "We should go call your mom, Trunks." He pointed to the foreign type beneath the photo. "I bet she'd know what language this is."

"If that's really Yorick next to me like Vegeta thinks, you guys should ask him about it first." Goku looked up at the ceiling and chuckled. "Call Yamcha. I bet they're together right now."

Trunks flashed his perfectly straight and shiny teeth. "Thanks, Goku. You just saved me a phone call with my mom." Trunks snatched Goten's collar on his way away from the table. "Let's go!"

Goten grabbed onto his seat, Trunks tugging hard enough to drag both him and the chair across the floor. "But what if somebody's hiding in my room upstairs?"

"Dude. We can handle it."

The clamor of Trunks and Goten rushing up the flight of stairs filled the otherwise silent kitchen. Once Goten's bedroom door closed shut with a loud thud, Vegeta exhaled. "Kakarot. Put that thing in the trash."

"Eh? Why?" Goku turned the picture upside down, perhaps searching for new meaning from reading the handwritten note from a different perspective. "This must be important—especially if whoever left it is from the future. Right?"

Vegeta couldn't articulate the source causing the painful knot in his stomach. The longer he stared at the photo, the more his gut instinct urged him to rip it to shreds. There wasn't a time traveler hiding in their home, nor a romantic mystery begging to be solved. The picture was sent to his home to piss him off.

He wasn't stupid. At his art gallery premiere he couldn't ignore the amorous glances both Goku and the vampire idiot "Yorick" exchanged, which belied any notion of platonic friendship between them. The two had fucked. _Maybe._ Okay, most likely not, but they'd at least _touched_ each other in ways that Goku surely knew would set Vegeta off if he ever caught wind of the details. But if Goku didn't see a need to bring the issue up, Vegeta wasn't interested in talking about it.

Of course, it wasn't a big deal at _all_ that Vegeta had been Little Miss Chaste and ignored all of Yamcha's urgent booty call text messages over the course of that year. Or that he'd developed carpel tunnel from too many lonely dates with his hand and lotion bottle. Or that he'd suffered weeks of restless nights filled with picket fence dreams and hope of a better future. It was perfectly fine that Goku wanted to screw a bargain bin knockoff version of the Prince of all Saiyans when the real deal wasn't around.

Goku's tear-stained face in the photo was a red herring that enraged Vegeta. It meant nothing to him compared to everything else wrong with what he saw. Goku didn't care that there had been a moment between him and Yorick that, for whatever reason, Vegeta was absent from. Was Goku's memory so defective that he'd forgotten taking such a ridiculous picture? The addition of the baby was icing on the cake, its presence a mockery of his own attempts at pregnancy.

"You must be really mad at me, sweetie."

Vegeta shook his head and returned back to reality. "What? Why?"

"Because you've just been sitting there for the past few minutes making weird faces and not saying anything at all."

"I certainly was not!"

Goku frowned. "Can I apologize in advance for whatever it is I did wrong?"

"Kakarot. I —" _I what? I want to bring up shit that first bothered me four months ago? I want to tell you how every time you smile when your friend's name is mentioned, it makes me wonder if you two had sex? I want to ruin your day even though you spent the last few months thinking about my every need and then fulfilling all of them in one night?_

 _Fuck._ A lingering soreness in Vegeta's shoulders ebbed as he relaxed his muscles. "I'm not mad at you. I just don't like looking at that—that _thing._ " He turned his nose up in the air. "It's creepy."

"Oh. That's good!" Goku frowned. "I mean, it's good you're not mad at me. Not that you're creeped out."

"I still want you to get rid of it."

"But—"

" _Please_ , Kakarot."

"Alright, alright." Goku carefully folded the offensive object to a quarter of its size and slipped it into his jean pocket. Certainly not the usual care given to future trash. "Why don't you go take a nap while I go dump that mattress?" Completely deadpan, Goku added, "What should I buy to keep the new one dry? A plastic cover?"

 _That_ had definitely thrown Vegeta off guard. Goku's casual allusion to last night's events made him a bit hot under the collar. "Um. I don't know what you mean."

As if Vegeta had forgotten the experience, Goku wiggled his fingertips and raised both arms into the air to imitate a fountain. "Remember? You squirted everywhere. I probably have to mop the floor, too."

"You make it sound like I flooded the place!"

"I think you did."

Vegeta rose from his chair. "I'm going to bed."

To his chagrin, Goku smiled at his strained effort to walk a straight line back to the bedroom. "Be careful, Vegeta. I bet all that coming made your legs weak."

"No shit." He glanced over his shoulder and saw Goku wagging his eyebrows back at him. _Bastard. Why can't I ever make you limp like this?_

Goku cleared his throat. "Do you think you're pregnant now?"

Vegeta's fatigue caught up with him just as his hand made contact with the bedroom doorknob. He teetered to and fro on his feet. "It's too soon to tell." _But I'm not going to hold my breath._

"Heey, Veggie. I'm just foolin' around. Are you okay? You're about to face-plant."

"I'm fine. Just don't let anyone wake me up in the next few hours." He paused. "You should buy two plastic mattress covers."

"Two? What for?"

"We have two beds."

Vegeta didn't bother turning his head to read Goku's expression. The short, joyful chirp the larger Saiyan uttered in response to his request told him enough.

* * *

"I swear to the motherfucking _gods_ the second I see that boy's face, he's going to wish his father had pulled out sooner."

Bulma's lipstick-red Maserati zipped down the country road. It didn't matter that the stick inside the speedometer gauge threatened to break. Nor did it matter that the cigarette dangling from her pursed mouth had lost its ember hours ago. Earlier she'd found out her baby boy had gotten married in a greasy chapel across the street from a casino. Trunks would be the first person to suffer for keeping the secret from her, but who knew how many other people were involved in the cover-up?

Above all, Trunks's cute stunt had brought shame upon the Briefs name. The family that had brought capsule technology to the world was now mentioned in the same breath as B-list celebrities who swapped out wives like pairs of shoes. Bulma spat her cigarette out the open car window and watched it disappear in a streak of white. "Honey," she said, "please read the news headline to me again."

Beside her in the passenger's seat, her boyfriend unrolled the crumpled newspaper in his lap. "'Trunks Briefs Weds Nameless Hillbilly in Shotgun Wedding.'" The Announcer sighed. "'Shotgun Wedding'? That doesn't even make sense."

"Right? Ugh!" She pounded the steering wheel, swerving the car and nearly sending it into a tailspin. After whipping them both around in their seats, the car realigned itself and continued its journey down the road. "Shit! Do you think Goku knew the whole time?"

"Maybe!" The Announcer reached over toward Bulma and slipped his hand down the front of her shirt.

"Oh!" She giggled and covered her mouth. "Not while I'm driving!" She continued laughing—until her boyfriend found what he was looking for. He pulled a long menthol cigarette out from between her breasts, lit it, then returned his attention to the road. _Yeesh_ , she thought, _he sure knows how to get a girl's hopes up._

"When are Goku and Vegeta getting hitched?" He pulled out his Blackberry and perused through his text messages. "I'll have to shift my schedule around if I'm going to put in the hours for a marriage ceremony permit."

"I'll get a date out of one of those fools today." The road before her bent dramatically around a mountain looming in the distance. _Dammit. Traveling by air would've been faster._

* * *

Yorick's tinny voice greeted Yamcha the moment he stepped foot into the living room. "I'm not putting that thing in my mouth."

The vampire sat on Yamcha's couch tapping away at his iPhone, grumbling in a language Yamcha couldn't even begin to understand. Yamcha rubbed the sleep from his eyes. "Put _what_ in your mouth, Yorick?"

"You know what I meant!" Yorick shielded his innocent eyes with his phone, but it was too late. The damage was done.

Yamcha stood before him completely naked. And hard. So hard in fact that it made Yorick worry for his own safety. How could the human possibly think it was safe to walk around pointing that monstrous _thing_ any which way? Yorick could lose an eye any day now with the careless way Yamcha walked around in the buff, not a care in the world. Peeking over the top of his phone, he caught Yamcha reaching his arms into the air, then bending over to grab his ankles to stretch his legs. Long, sinewy muscles glowed in the sunlight flooding the room. _Great_. Not only was Yamcha's excessive exhibitionism burning his eyes, but the morning light was burning his skin, too.

And oh _God,_ now Yamcha found it necessary to do push-ups, of all things to do in the nude. Yorick was disturbed by how Yamcha's obscenely thick cock still brushed against the carpet at the apex of every push-up. Was he showing off? If so, what was his reasoning? Yorick could read minds to a certain extent, but he found nothing inside Yamcha's brain that explained his careless disregard for clothing. Yorick, in contrast, loved wearing clothes. In fact, he generally wore as many articles of clothing as possible, seeing as the heat made vampires cold, and in this part of the world the sun was always shining like a goddamn children's storybook, which drove him _mad._

His phone made for a poor shield. "Stop doing that this instant, human!"

"Doing what?" Yamcha raised a brow. In one fluid movement he switched to doing push-ups with only the tip of his right index finger as leverage. "I'm just getting warmed up."

"Warmed up? For what?"

Yamcha smirked. "Shouldn't you know without me telling you? I thought you could read my mind."

"I'd rather sift through the garbage than read your mind again," Yorick said. Yamcha's mind _was_ absolutely filthy, but that had nothing to do with Yorick's inability to read it. Whatever the reason Yamcha had for prancing around nude, he hid it well and with little effort.

"Maybe," Yamcha grunted, switching his weight to his left index finger, "you aren't as strong of a mind reader as you claim to be."

Mesmerized by the firm clench of Yamcha's ass, Yorick struggled to form the right combination of words for a comeback. "M-maybe you should wear pants more often!"

"You don't want me to."

"I do!"

"Then go get a pair out of my drawer right now for me to put on."

"You do it!"

"I'm busy."

Enraged, Yorick chucked his phone at Yamcha's perfect body. He knew he wasn't particularly strong, but even he was disappointed the phone traveled a whopping few feet across the floor. Blushing, he picked it up off the carpet. "I don't like you, Yamcha!"

"Then why won't you leave already?"

"I don't feel like it!"

Yamcha raised himself up off the floor, both his hands on his hips. He leaned backwards into a stretch until something popped in his back. "Ah…whatever, dude." He sauntered into the kitchen, his sights on the fridge.

Yorick made himself as small as possible on the couch. It was in his best interest to keep the full extent of his powers hidden. Yamcha wasn't aware of the fact that the moment a vampire was invited into a human's home, it had the luxury of coming and going as it pleased. Yorick had as much ownership over the luxury apartment as Yamcha did, if not more so, seeing as Yamcha couldn't kick him out even if he wanted to. Despite Yamcha's dirty mind, the man was undeniably of pure heart and didn't deserve to be locked into a lease bound by Yorick's psychic power.

But Yorick didn't feel too guilty taking advantage of him. Every vampire worth his salt had a human domicile to crash at if necessary. Months ago when he met Yamcha at the gallery show, the human was perfectly willing to invite Yorick over for sex. Which made Yorick suspicious, seeing as he could count on one hand the number of people who approached him for sex in the past five centuries he'd walked the planet. But Yamcha's flirting had saved the vampire all the bullshit of having to coax and goad a hapless idiot into letting him enter their home.

Too bad Yamcha _totally_ wasn't his type. At all.

In truth, Yorick wasn't sure what his "type" was supposed to be, but he figured it couldn't be Yamcha. Yes, Yamcha was very handsome, and strong, and was actually nice to Yorick compared to how most people treated him. Now that he thought about it, he realized Yamcha was kinder to him than any of the vampires in his hometown were. Which was awkward, since Yorick was currently wrapped up in championing all kinds of civil rights for vampires.

After he followed Yamcha home all those months ago, he'd considered having sex with him. But when he first laid eyes on that…that _thing_ swinging between his legs, any notion of penetration went right out the window.

How did that man even walk normally? Did he have to learn? Yorick had watched Yamcha put on pants every morning. He favored shoving his burden down his right pant leg. Did he ever switch it up? It must naturally curve right for him to always choose the right pant leg to put his dick in. With Yamcha distracted in the kitchen, Yorick took the opportunity to study his physique and confirm his suspicions.

Affirmative. Yamcha's dick curved to the right.

Yorick bit his fingernails. What if…most men were that huge when hard? Maybe every other man on Earth was walking around struggling to pick which pant leg to put their unwieldy penises inside. To claim Yorick's upbringing as sheltered was an understatement: his father might as well have been a monk, and his mother caught his interest in men early enough for any mentions of homosexuality to warrant a beating. The one sexual experience he did have under his belt was with a woman, and if he remembered correctly, his eyes were closed during the whole ordeal. Thus, any sort of intuitive compass he possessed for navigating sex was broken.

If it were really the case that most men were ridiculously hung, then he'd just have to be happy with being a virtual virgin. It wasn't so bad. _Except…_

A new train of thought came to him. Grumbling, he chewed his fingernails down to the quick. What if Goku was that big? For him, Yorick would acquiesce. Unlike Yamcha, Goku would never be rude to his guests or walk around in the nude. Not that Yorick would mind—

"Hey, what do you spend most of your time doing on your phone anyway?" Yamcha sat beside him on the couch, sipping at a glass of orange juice. "Is that a picture of Goku you're staring at?"

Yorick glanced down at his phone. "N-no! It isn't!"

Yamcha pulled the phone away from Yorick's weak grip. "Yeah, that's Goku alright."

"It's not!" Yorick reached for his phone, but Yamcha's arms were too long for him to get closer than a few inches away. "My pictures are none of your business anyway!"

Yamcha pointed at a photo of Goku wolfing down a plate of food. "You're telling me that's not him?"

"Uh—!"

Sighing, Yamcha swiped his thumb across the phone and browsed through a whole gallery of Goku snapshots. "This is so _sick_. Where did you even take these?"

"Goku and I spent a lot of time together the week before he went back to Vegeta." Yorick hoped it was a good enough excuse for the picture of Goku sitting on a toilet that currently graced the screen of his phone.

Yamcha continued to swipe through the gallery, laughing. "Do you think he's better looking than me?"

Heat rose to Yorick's cheeks. "What difference does that make?"

"The difference is that you can waste the morning looking at pictures. Orrr," Yamcha said, a song in his voice, "you can get better acquainted with _me_." He leaned back against the couch cushions, spreading his legs apart. "Doesn't the second option sound more fun?"

Without his phone as a barrier, Yorick couldn't help but stare between Yamcha's legs. "I don't—uh—"

"Are you afraid to touch it?"

"No!" Yorick covered his eyes. "It's just too—"

"Big?"

Yorick grabbed the nearest pillow on the couch and covered Yamcha's shame with it. _Whew. Much better_ , he thought. At least he could open his eyes again.

Yamcha tossed the pillow across the room without breaking eye contact. "Do you want to suck on it?"

"I knew it!" Yorick shrieked. "You wanted me to put it in my mouth all along!"

Yamcha laughed—not one of his boyish laughs Yorick had grown accustomed to the past few months, but a low chuckle that rumbled through his chest like thunder. "C'mon. Just try touching it."

Yorick stared at the long length. It pressed against Yamcha's washboard stomach, the tip dripping pearly clear fluid. Yorick closed his eyes again and gently grazed the side of Yamcha's cock with his fingertips.

Velvet. It felt like velvet against his skin. Feeling particularly brave, Yorick watched his pale hand clench the girth and slowly stroke it from base to tip. Yamcha muttered and shifted against the couch, and Yorick feared he'd done something wrong. When no complaint came, Yorick stroked the full length of his cock again.

"Good," Yamcha sighed. Yorick read the sedate expression he wore as contentment.

Holding another man's girth in his hand was strange. It wasn't like touching himself at all. Human flesh had an unquenchable fire beneath it, fueled by blood coursing through veins and a desperate hold onto mortality. Curious, he pawed at the soft mound of hair at the base of Yamcha's cock, then curled his thin fingers around his balls. Yamcha laughed, all tender, and placed the back of his wide hand behind Yorick's head. "Hey..."

Yorick glanced away. The hopeful look on Yamcha's face was too much to bear. "You said you just wanted me to touch it."

"I wouldn't mind a blow job."

Yorick bit his lip. "I don't know the first thing about bl…blow jobs."

Yamcha relaxed his arms behind his head. "It's not complicated. I have faith you can figure it out."

 _Ugh!_ Yorick got on all fours on the couch and flicked the tip of his tongue against Yamcha's head. "Like this?"

"Yeah. Do that, but put it in your mouth first."

Yorick shoved all skepticism to the back of his mind. It wouldn't hurt, after all. Hopefully. He stroked Yamcha's shaft while slowly sucking on the head, the taste of salt and skin filling his mouth. A pleasant warmth washed over Yorick's body. Yamcha whimpered at every tug and lick, and shuddered every time Yorick's tongue flicked over his slit. Lost in a trance, Yorick lowered his head and slid his tongue against a large vein. How could his skin be so soft here? He nibbled on the patch of flesh surrounding the vein, and Yamcha growled at him.

"No biting!"

Yorick caught his breath. Yamcha had noticed his fascination with biting through the vein long before he did. _Whoops. That'd be an awkward way for him to turn into a vampire._ Wanting to make it up, Yorick gave Yamcha a pitiful look. "Do you mind if I put the whole thing in?"

"Huh?"

"Like this." Yorick deep-throated the whole length. Good thing he didn't have a gag reflex, as the damn thing pushed past his uvula and down his throat a good few inches. A groan seeped out of him.

"Shit!" Yamcha grabbed the back of Yorick's head.

Something about having Yamcha in such a vulnerable position excited him. Luckily for him, his throat muscles did most of the work of stroking Yamcha's cock as he fell into a steady rhythm of bobbing his head up and down. Helpless mewls escaped the burly man beneath him. "Fuck, that's good," he said while gently carding his hand through Yorick's hair.

Yorick wavered back and forth between peeking into Yamcha's mind and letting sleeping dogs lie. Thoughts about sex were the easiest to pull from humans' minds since they rarely put up mental barriers while lost in a fantasy. If in Yamcha's mind he replaced Yorick's wet mouth with a nubile woman mounting him, part of Yorick's heart may break a little. But nosiness got the best of him and he took a look anyway, unsure what he'd prove to himself if he saw an aberrant thought that upset him.

Immediately he sighed at the image that greeted him after breaking through the pitiful defenses Yamcha erected around his mind. In his fantasy, Yorick was clinging to his broad shoulders and riding him hard enough to make the couch squeak. Yamcha had an odd fascination with Yorick's face, which was contorting every time he pulled Yorick down to fill him whole again.

Looking at himself from the point of view of another person normally left him with a bruised ego. Only within Goku and Yamcha's thoughts did Yorick see versions of himself laughing and moaning, hungrily taking whatever it was they had to offer. Currently in his fantasy, Yamcha was using his mouth to tug on one of Yorick's pert nipples until the nub hardened and turned beet red.

Flattered, Yorick dropped his head until his nose pressed against soft pubic hair; he sucked hard until the man was worked up into such a frenzy, his thoughts scrambled into nothing but bright shapes whizzing about without meaning. Yamcha grabbed the back of Yorick's head and forced him up and down, moaning loud enough to wake the dead. As hot cum shot against the back of Yorick's throat, a powerful urge took over him, and he sucked down every drop of the liquid until he was sure Yamcha was clean of any evidence he'd come at all.

"Jesus Christ, Yorick." Out of the corner of his eye Yorick saw a squeamish look wash over Yamcha's face. His lower lip quivered. "You don't have to— _ah_ —keep sucking after I come."

Yorick pulled his head away from Yamcha's crotch. His throat constricted back to its normal size, and a loud pop filled the air once the cock fell from his mouth. He stretched his sore jaw left and right. _Jesus Christ indeed_. Shaking, he lay his head down into Yamcha's lap.

He opened his mouth to speak. The voice that came out of him was strained, and sounded as if it belonged to a stranger. "Hm. So that's a blow job."

Yamcha's eyes struggled to focus on Yorick. "Uh-huh."

Yorick was unsure what the right protocol was in a situation like this. Maybe a compliment would be appropriate. He reached his hand up and cupped Yamcha's chin. "Your semen tastes good."

Yamcha chuckled. He rubbed the length of Yorick's side, then slid his hand between his thighs. "Do you want one?"

Yorick looked up at him, wide-eyed. "I'm—"

A muffled ringing rose from the couch. Yamcha pressed Yorick's face deeper into his lap to prevent him from escaping. Grumbling, he leaned over on his side and grasped around the couch until he pulled a phone out from between two cushions. "Hello?"

Yorick almost screamed at Yamcha for answering his precious phone. How dare he! One blow job and he thinks he can do whatever he pleases?

…But upon closer inspection he saw it was Yamcha's phone. "Who're you talking to?" Yorick asked.

Yamcha ignored him. "Hey, Trunks."

 _Trunks? That name sounds familiar. Who's that?_ Yorick watched Yamcha sigh, then hand the phone over to him. "He wants to speak with you."

"Me?" Still looking up at Yamcha while on his back, Yorick held the phone to his ear. "Hi. This is Yorick."

"Hey." On the other end of the line a youthful, preppy voice responded. "Do you remember me?"

"No."

"I'm Vegeta's son."

"Oh, the kid with the purple hair? Your boyfriend is Goku's son."

"He's my husband now."

Yamcha must've heard every word of the conversation—he mouthed, "What?" over and over again, until Yorick had to crawl out of his lap and sit on the couch facing away from him to have a moment's peace. "Sorry. Can you say that again?"

"I'm married to Goten."

"Ah." Yorick frowned. "That's…nice." These days, anything having to do with weddings made his stomach turn.

"Thanks. Anyhow, I was wondering if you could help me out with something. This morning someone delivered a weird picture to Goku's house."

Yorick jumped up from the couch. "Is Goku in trouble? Does he need my help?" He gasped. "Oh my God, don't tell me he's sick?"

"What the—? No. I didn't say anything about Goku being in trouble." Yorick sensed Trunks lean away from the phone to whisper, likely to whomever was sitting beside him. Trunks cleared his throat, and his voice returned to its normal volume. "Like I said, there's this weird photo someone left on the doorstep this morning. We're confused because my dad is in the picture, but he thinks it's actually _you_."

Yorick sighed. Whatever issue plagued this boy's life had nothing to do with him after all. "That's impossible. Vampires don't show up in photographs."

"Really?"

"Yeah. It's a real pain in the ass when you're trying to take selfies."

Trunks muttered under his breath. "That…makes sense, I guess. Can I at least send you the picture so you can take a look at it?"

Yorick bit his lip. "I could come over if you want."

"Nah, I can just text you the pic—"

"It would be easier if I saw the picture in person!"

"You don't have to go out of your way to—"

"I'll be there in a few minutes!"

"Wait—"

Yorick ended the call. "I've been invited to Goku's house!" He clasped his hands together. "How romantic!"

Yamcha scoffed. "Didn't sound like an invitation to me. And what if you run into Vegeta?"

"That doesn't matter anymore. Goku _needs_ me."

"Right." Yamcha lifted himself off the couch. "Wanna shower before you ruin my floor again?"

Yorick gasped. "Vampires don't need to bathe!"

Yamcha rolled his eyes. "You should at least wipe your mouth off, then." Without even a cursory glance, he strode out of the living room into his bedroom, and made sure to close the door behind him.

Embarrassed, Yorick smeared the back of his hand across his face to clean away whatever moisture was left. He wasn't sure what put Yamcha in such a pissy mood all of a sudden, but knowing him he'd probably go out later that night and find a woman better suited to cheer him up. There were more important things on Yorick's plate.

"Let's see. Where's my spell-casting chalk?" Not giving a single shit, he nudged every single book, stray cigarette, and sheet of paper off of Yamcha's coffee table until a red piece of chalk revealed itself. Yorick grabbed the edge of the table and shoved until it reached the opposite side of the room, and a wide expanse of floor laid before him.

"Stupid carpet." Drawing a casting circle on anything other than a hard surface was a huge pain. He bent over and dragged the chalk across the carpet until he was left with a lopsided circle. It would have to do, even though anything outside of a perfect ring would make the whole process of transporting himself across space more…difficult, to say the least.

He closed his eyes and stepped inside of the red circle of chalk. "You know, Yamcha," he said at the top of his lungs, "not every vampire is as good as me at teleporting!"

No response. All Yorick could hear through the bedroom door was the sound of shower water running. _Damn._ Yamcha had literally _zero_ interest in seeing him use his powers. Teleporting wasn't as impressive as destroying building or whatever it was Goku's freakishly strong friends enjoyed doing to show off their strength, but it was still an ability few could master.

Carefully he recited an ancient incantation in his mother language. A bright light engulfed him, and the world around him turned black.

He sneezed. Then he sneezed again. "Goddammit!" For some reason, traveling through space-time made his allergies flare up. Thank God he hadn't broken out into hives. Yet. He tried his best to not let himself get too wrapped up in rubbing his itchy nose and eyes as the world around him faded back into existence.

As soon as scorching sunlight touched his face, he screamed. Visiting humans all the time meant traveling during daylight. Which meant risking death by sunburn on a daily basis. Arms flailing and eyes half shut, he raced toward the closest building in his vision.

Goku's house was as idyllic and quaint as he'd imagined: the brick domicile sat ensconced between a nearby mountain and rolling green hills. A cheery warmth emanated from inside the house, which forced Yorick to slow his breakneck speed dash toward the front porch. Normally he'd be suspicious of any strange new auras or energies that permeated the world around him, but this time he chalked it up to it being a natural feature of any place that homed Goku.

The shade of the porch awning cooled his tender skin; thick steam rose from the fresh boils on his hands and neck. It'd take a few minutes for his skin to return back to its pristine state, so he took the moment to catch his wits. Goku—his precious Goku!—was somewhere inside of the house living his life normally. And looking adorable, no doubt. What could he be doing right now? It was around noon. Maybe he was having lunch? Vegeta would undoubtedly be here, too…but maybe good fortune would shine on Yorick today and sometime during the past four months Vegeta suffered a horrible accident that left him dead, God rest his soul.

He inspected his hands. The boils and burns had faded. None of his fingers were missing either, which was a blessing, since usually he had some sort of freakish deformity whenever using a casting circle that was drawn more like a casting square or triangle.

Butterflies filled his stomach and he knocked on the front door in precisely three, short raps.

Exactly one minute passed. Yorick knew it was exactly one minute because he counted the seconds. He knocked against, harder this time, and the door flew open right as he was to deliver the final blow.

Vegeta stared back at him. "Who are you?"

Yorick wanted to puke. Not because of his overwhelming disapproval of Vegeta's existence, but because he knew what Goku had done to the alleged "prince" the moment he laid eyes on his stomach. The lousy body wash Vegeta used to cover up the smell of sex didn't work. Nor did it cover up the distinct _smell_ and…godawful _happy_ …presence of new life living inside of the Saiyan standing before him.

Yorick wished Goku had told him more about how Saiyans reproduced. If he'd known Vegeta could get pregnant, he would have prepared himself for this moment with a clever quip or an insult about Vegeta's weight. Instead, Yorick fought off an asthmatic attack building in his lungs and could barely remember why he bothered showing up in the first place. "Hi, Vegeta," he wheezed.

Vegeta wrinkled his nose. "I _asked_ you a question. Who the hell are you?"

He knew Vegeta didn't care for him either, but did he have to be so rude as to pretend he'd forgotten about him? "I'm Yorick."

The Prince's scowl transformed into a smile. "So this is what you look like normally."

"Huh?" A few seconds passed where Yorick stopped breathing. His hands gained a mind of their own, and reached to the top of his head to touch his hair. "Oh…shit!"

"What's the matter?" Vegeta leaned against the door pane with a casual air of confidence. His baggy sweatpants threatened to slide down his waist further than Yorick was comfortable with. The clothes obviously belonged to Goku. The Prince's smile widened. "Did you forget to put on your Vegeta costume before coming over?"

To confirm his worst nightmare, Yorick plucked a strand of hair off his scalp. In his palm laid a curly, bright red hair follicle. Teleporting _had_ affected him in the worst way possible, even worse than stealing all of his fingers from him. The spell had knocked him right out of his transformation.

He had nowhere to hide, so he covered his face. "Don't look at me!"

"Fine." Vegeta stepped backwards out of the doorway and began to push the door closed.

"W-wait!" Yorick sneezed. "Ah—I came over because Goku wanted me to take a look at a picture?"

Vegeta grunted. "Is that so?"

"Yes." Yorick tried his best to smile at Vegeta. It was difficult to accomplish, and he wasn't sure he did a good job at it, as Vegeta's eyebrows furrowed in confusion the longer the two stared at each other. "May I come inside? The sun is burning my skin away."

"No." The door closed.

"Vegeta!" Yorick clawed against the door like a cat. "Please let me inside!"

No response. Yorick slumped against the door and slid down until his ass landed on the welcome mat. He pulled his legs to his chest so he was fully protected by the stingy rectangle of shade the porch offered him. Hopefully by the time he fixed his transformation, Goku would be nearby to let him inside.

* * *

Trunks walked down the hall away from Goten's room and peeked his head downstairs. He caught his dad groggily walking through the living room with his eyes closed. "Dad," Trunks asked, "is someone at the door?"

"No." Vegeta disappeared around a corner, and his bedroom door slammed shut.

Skepticism got the better of Trunks. He slid down the stair banister, landed on the carpet, and flung the front door wide open.

Yorick nearly jumped out of his skin from the shock. "Ahh!"

Trunks widened the door. "Hey, it's you." It was rude to stare, but the creature was a near spitting image of his father up close. Rivulets of sweat drenched the vampire's brow. "Are you alright? Do you need some water or—?"

"No." Yorick's self-conscious hand threaded through the front of his black hair. "Do I look okay?"

"Excuse me?"

"Do I look good right now? Nothing looks weird?"

Trunks swallowed. Why did Goku always have to befriend such weirdos? "You look fine. You look just like my…dad."

"Great!" Yorick proved Trunks's assertion wrong by smiling and revealing his large fangs. "May I step inside?"

"Sure."

Yorick stepped his small booted foot past the front door. He burst into flames.

The sudden onslaught of heat startled Trunks; he threw his arms over his face instead of offering any assistance to his guest. "Oh shit!"

Yorick spun around in a tornado of flames, screeching bloody murder. He barreled back out the door, and the flames dwindled down to small embers that danced on random parts of his jacket and pants. "What the hell, Trunks!"

In awe, Trunks tiptoed forward to gauge whether or not Yorick would need face grafting surgery. "You okay, dude?"

"No, I am _not_ okay!" Yorick blew against a stubborn flame eating away the edge of his scarf. "Vampires can only enter homes if a person who _lives_ there invites them in. I wouldn't have asked you if I knew you were just _visiting_!"

"But why'd you catch on fire?" Now Trunks wasn't sure Yorick should come inside at all if he was going to light up the whole damn place like a Christmas tree.

"Are you deaf? I just explained to you why!" Yorick's eyes watered up. If he started crying, Trunks may take a page out of his father's book and just close the door on him. The vampire ended up whining, which was worse than shedding tears. "I'm going to have to buy a new jacket because of you."

The hairs on the back of Trunks's neck bristled. Goten popped up seemingly out of nowhere to his right. "What's up, guys?"

"Goten!" Yorick threw his hands forward into Goten's confused face. "You live here, right?"

"Uh-huh."

"Will you please invite me inside?"

Goten scratched his head. "Trunks wouldn't let you in?"

"I _did_ ," Trunks said, "but he caught on fire as soon as he walked through the door."

"Oooh." Goten clicked his tongue. "I don't think Dad would be happy if I let you in if you're just going to burn the house down."

Yorick pulled at his hair. "I won't catch on fire if _you_ let me in."

"Why not?"

"Because!" This time real tears threatened to fall from the corners of his wide eyes. "Because I—I need permission."

"Why?"

Yorick broke down in tears. Uncomfortable—and not to mention unfamiliar—with seeing a grown man cry, Trunks took Goten's hand in his own in hopes his husband could take charge of the situation. Goten raised his hand and slowly pushed the door shut.

"Yo, Goten." Both Trunks and Goten spun around. Goku stood a few feet away carrying a bucket and mop. "Who are ya talking to?"

"Yorick's outside crying because we won't let him inside, but it's because he'll catch on fire if we do," Goten explained.

"Oh man." Goku dropped his cleaning supplies and rushed to open the door. Yorick's sobbing elevated as soon as Goku laid eyes on him. "Hey, don't cry!"

"Goku!" Yorick wiped his eyes. "Please let me inside!"

"Of course you can come in!" Goku shot a dirty look at Trunks and Goten. "Sorry if these two gave you too much tro—"

Yorick flew forward, literally wrapping both his arms and legs around Goku's middle. "Goku, I missed you!"

Trunks watched Goku turn red as he returned the hug. "Aw, I missed you too."

"You feel just like how I remembered!"

"Really? Heh…" Goku gave Trunks an odd look he couldn't parse. All he knew was that if his dad woke up now and walked into the living room, Goku would probably be kicked through the wall a second time. Goku coughed. "Uh, Trunks, why don't you two go do something else for a few minutes?"

"Nah." Trunks slung his arm around Goten's shoulders. "I think we'll stay here."

"Okay." With the apprehension of a man sticking his hand in a pit of fire, Goku patted Yorick exactly three times on the back before returning the sinful appendage back to his side. "I've got to go mop up Vegeta's studio real quick. Play with the kids while I'm gone."

"Mop?" This was news to Trunks. "Did a water pipe burst in there just after one night?"

"Yeah. You could say that." Goku's blush deepened. "Just give me a half hour to fix up the studio. Then we'll talk about the photo."

Trunks nodded. "Sounds good to m—"

"GOKU!" Yorick grabbed onto Goku's wrist. "I want to come with you!"

"Trust me. You don't." He wrenched his hand from Yorick's grip, giggled uncomfortably, then fled from the living room.

Yorick frowned at Goku's receding form. "I'm glad _somebody_ let me inside." He pointed his finger into the middle of Goten's face. "It's very rude to leave people waiting on the front porch!"

A genuine look of concern came over Goten's face. "Sorry."

Yorick gave a quick scan over Goten's body. "If you were older I'd give you a spanking."

Trunks's eyes bulged. "You'd give him a _what_?"

Screeching tires and the sound of car doors slamming shut drifted through the still open front door. " _Truuunks_!"

There was no mistaking that voice. That high pitch and conviction was what woke Trunks up for the past eighteen years of his life whenever his alarm clock failed. He panicked. "Shit. We gotta hide!"

Goten leaned out the doorway, his arm waving wildly in the wind. "Hi Bulma!"

Trunks's mother barged through the front door with the Announcer in tow. Trunks mentally cursed to himself—Bra was nowhere to be found. If Bulma had the baby glued to her hip, it'd be a lot easier to outrun her. Faster than he could blink, she snatched the tip of his ear into her hand. "Trunks Vegeta Briefs!"

On cue, Vegeta barged out the bedroom door with his eyes wide and his chest heaving. He whipped his head back and forth, looking nowhere in particular, and Trunks wondered if his father was caught in a horrible flashback. Vegeta laid eyes on Bulma. "Oh… _oh."_ He stumbled backwards and relaxed against the wall. "I thought I was in the middle of a nightmare."

She walked up to Vegeta, Trunks's delicate ear still pinched between her perfectly manicured fingernails. Trunks had forgotten how the few inches Bulma had over Vegeta's height made her even scarier at times like this. "You think you're so funny, but I've got an earful for you too!"

Vegeta rolled his neck. "What's the problem?"

"No one," Bulma said, inhaling slowly, "told me that my only beloved son got _married!_ " She looked up to the heavens. "I spend over eighteen years trying to raise him right, being the best mother a woman can be, and I didn't even get an invite!"

If Trunks pushed his mother over and ran out the front door, how long would it take for her to recover? "Mom, it wasn't about you at all!"

"Don't talk to me in that tone!" Using her free hand, she wiped away the tears in her eyes. "You're grounded, Trunks. Pack your things and come home with me _now._ "

"Aw, c'mon Mom, I'm not a little boy anymore!"

"Excuse me, Bulma." Goten's thin lips curled into a wayward smile. "Trunks and I are going to move in together. You can't ground him if he doesn't live at Capsule Corp, right?"

Bulma's anger lifted. She shifted her gaze, now soft, back to Trunks. "You…you're really moving out?"

Trunks stuttered. "Um, well—"

She released his ear to place both her hands over his cheeks. She squished them together. "You're going to get a real job and everything?"

"Whoa. Let's not jump the gun here." Trunks laughed in Goten's direction, expecting his partner to join him. Instead, Goten's smile faded away. Trunks backpedaled. "I mean—I _do_ want to move in with Goten and _maybe_ get a job, but I'll need some help at first so I can't move out right away—"

Bulma rolled her eyes. "Typical." She planted her hands on her hips and turned her attention back to Vegeta. "How long have you known?"

"I found out a few days ago. They're both adults, so I figured they'd tell you on their own." Vegeta glanced over at Trunks. "I was wrong."

 _Shit_ , Trunks thought. Why was he absorbing all of the blame? Even Goten was looking at him like he'd just punted his favorite ball over an impossibly tall fence. Didn't he realize how dumb it was to abandon an endless well of cash? Where would he even get a job? What would he do? What would Goten do?

"Oh, fuck _me,_ " Vegeta growled. "Who let that asshole inside?"

Bulma and the Announcer looked over their shoulders to see Yorick staring peevishly back at them. "Him?" Bulma asked. "I don't know, but that's incredibly rude to say to a guest, Vegeta!"

Yorick threw his hands into the air. "Finally someone who agrees with me!"

"I'm going back to bed," Vegeta announced. "And if Yorick is still here when I wake up, I'm breaking his kneecaps." He opened his bedroom door. "And Trunks—stop being such a little bitch. Even Kakarot's son is embarrassed for you."

Bulma scoffed. "Don't call your son a bitch!"

"Whatever." Vegeta shrugged, and slammed the door behind him.

The lingering sting of his father's words tempted Trunks to test their truth. "Goten," he said, "you'll come to Capsule Corp with me, right? It'll be like old times when you used to spend the night."

Goten dropped his head. "I'm going to go help my dad clean." He rushed past Trunks into the kitchen.

"Ah, shit." Trunks trailed behind his best friend, arm extended to catch his shoulder. "We have all the time in the world to get j…jobs," Trunks called after him. Just saying the word "job" so many times in one day made him want to wash his mouth out with soap.

Goten smashed the back door open. "I feel really weird right now, and I don't know why!"

"Uhh, is it because you're mad at me?"

Goten stomped across the backyard. "Yeah!"

For what was beginning to be a shitty afternoon, the brilliant white studio was a sight for sore eyes. Goten stopped a few feet short of the front door. "Oh, wow!" He pointed at one of the windows. "You did this, Trunks?"

Proud, Trunks crossed his arms. He silently thanked Dende for blessing him with a partner afflicted with short-term memory. "Yeah, I built the whole thing!"

Bulma and the Announcer caught up with the demi-Saiyans. A low whistle came from the blond's mouth. "That's nice!"

"Oh, wow." Bulma ran her hand across the front wall. "When you said you and Goku were making a studio, I didn't know it'd look so… _professional_!" She leaned forward onto the balls of her feet. "It's tall, too!"

"I gotta see the inside!" Goten pushed the front door open.

Everyone flooded into the room. Oohs and aahs echoed in the tall space. Bulma fell backwards onto the couch. "Wow. This is a nice spread!"

"W-what are you guys doing in here!" Goku peeped down from the top of the loft. Clutched in his ghost-white knuckles was a dirty mop. "I told you I was busy cleaning!"

"I wanted to help," Goten yelled, leaning his head up and smiling back at his father. "But I had no idea it was this cool looking. I bet Vegeta loves this!"

"I like how the place looks, Goku." Bulma winked up at him. "It's very _cozy_."

"Thanks," Goku said evenly, "but you all should really leave."

Bulma hopped up from the couch and rushed over to the refrigerator beneath the stairs. "Ooh, what's in here?"

"I'm serious guys," Goku stammered, "I think you should go until I finish—"

"Hey!" Bulma rubbed the top of her head. "Something wet just fell on me!" She looked up at Goku. "Did you spill a drink up there or something?"

Goku's jaw dropped. "I, well…"

"Hmm." The Announcer walked closer to Bulma. "Maybe the ceiling's leaking. But that would be weird since it's not like it rained last n _iiii_ ght!" His feet slid through a puddle on the floor, sending his long arms flying this way and that for balance.

Bulma looped her arms beneath the Announcer's, and caught him before he broke his ass on the slippery floor. His black sunglasses tumbled off his face. "Dammit Goku, are you trying to get us killed?"

"Oh my God." Goku clutched both sides of his face. The mop fell down the stairs. It sang a staccato rhythm during its descent, landing with a wet splat right beside Trunks's feet.

He squinted at Goku. "What did you and Dad do last night to make it so wet in here?"

"J-just go outside! I'll meet you all out there when I'm done!" Goku screamed.

Shaking her head in shame, Bulma picked up the Announcer's sunglasses. "I hope it's not like this whenever Vegeta works in here. You're going to crack his skull open!" She linked arms with her boyfriend and led him outside, where he covered his eyes with his sunglasses before they were exposed to anyone else.

Trunks awaited the return of his mother's ire. She pulled a cigarette out from between her boobs. This wasn't going to end well. "I did a good job, right?" he said to keep the subject of conversation away from anything career oriented.

"You sure did." Bulma lit her smoke. "Hey, what the hell is _that_ over there?"

A few feet away sat a large mattress drenched in water. Trunks stepped closer to it. "It's the bed from Dad's studio."

"What's it doing outside?" Bulma probed the edge of it with the toe of her shoe. "And why is it soaking wet?"

"No idea. It was perfectly fine when I saw it yesterday," Trunks said. Stuffing fell out the mattress seams like it'd gone to war and back. Knowing good and well what probably happened _on_ the mattress before its violent death by drowning, he preferred to avoid any more questions about it.

"Weird." Bulma flicked her cigarette into the small puddle filling the dent in the middle of the mattress.

The liquid reacted like lighter fluid. A monstrous blaze grew before them all, flames reaching forward to take Bulma as its prisoner. The Announcer lifted her off the ground just as the grass beneath her feet burst into flames, too. "What the shit!" she screamed.

Goku ran outside of the studio. "What did you guys do!"

Goten stomped out the flames dancing around his feet. "Nothing!"

A bellowing screech came from inside the house. "KAKAROT!"

Goku groaned. "You guys can take care of this, right?" He broke into a run toward the back door.

"Suuure. It'll be a piece of cake!" Trunks drawled. He threw ki blasts against the growing fire. Under the force of the blasts, most of the flames extinguished. But the blaze engulfing the mattress refused to die.

* * *

When Goku opened his bedroom door, he hadn't expected to find Yorick crouched in the farthest corner of the room. Vegeta towered over the vampire's small body while surrounded in a glowing, yellow aura. He was seconds away from turning Super Saiyan.

"What's going on in here?" Goku stepped closer. Nestled between Yorick's hands were a pair of Vegeta's boxers.

"This—this _deviant_ ," Vegeta spat, sending spittle through the air, "came in here while I was fucking _sleeping_ and went sifting through the dirty clothes to steal and _smell_ my underwear!"

Yorick sighed. "It's not what it looks like." He pawed at the grey shorts in his hands. "I thought it was _Goku's_ underwear."

Goku slid down onto the edge of the bed. He couldn't imagine this ending well for anyone involved. What did Vegeta want him to do to Yorick? Punish him? "You shouldn't go sneaking around in people's rooms," Goku said as if admonishing a small child, "and going through our laundry to, um, smell my underwear is pretty gross."

"Gross? _Gross_?" Vegeta screeched. "It'sdisgusting! Abhorrent!" He leaned down closer to Yorick's frightened face. "I'm going to make good on my promise to break your kneecaps."

"Vegeta, no!" Goku wrapped his arms around Vegeta's waist and lifted him off the floor. "He didn't mean it!"

"Put me down!" With every missed kick to Yorick's face, Vegeta's rage grew. "Kakarot—don't make me hurt you too!"

"Goku—as much as I enjoy getting my life threatened by your fiancé, I _did_ come over here for business." Yorick crawled up off the floor. "Trunks told me about a picture you wanted me to look at?"

"Just go hang out in the kitchen for now." Goku fought against Vegeta's violent attempts to cover his mouth. "I gotta talk to Veggie for a hot second."

"Okay." On his way out of the room, Yorick dropped the boxers in the middle of the floor. "Sorry I nabbed the wrong panties, Vegeta."

"You motherfucker!"

The door slammed shut. Using the care of a mother with her child, Goku gently pressed Vegeta's writhing body down on the bed. He straddled him from above. "Hey. Calm down!"

"Kakarot," Vegeta gasped, " _why_?"

Vegeta squirmed under his weight. Goku was certain he was plotting to wiggle away and dash out the door to send a ki blast through Yorick's back. But the Prince behaved himself, choosing instead to grab the pillow next to his head. He screamed bloody murder into its fluffy confines.

Goku rubbed the Prince's bare chest. Under his fingers, he felt Vegeta's heart hammer against his ribcage. "Wow," Goku sighed, "you're really upset about this."

Vegeta heaved the pillow against the wall. "Why," he repeated, "do you _defend_ that miserable creature?"

"It's hard to explain." This time Vegeta attempted escape, bucking his hips against Goku, so Goku pinned his wrists to the bed. "Just listen! Yorick's lonely, okay?"

"So you pity him."

"No." Goku sifted through all the words he wanted to say. How could he make Vegeta understand? "He's lonely like you used to be."

"I am _not_ in any conceivable way similar to _—"_

"No one likes him. And he's mean to everyone. He's very sad, too." Goku searched Vegeta's eyes for understanding. "Do you get it now?"

" _I_ never went rifling through a dirty underwear pile, Kakarot."

"You've killed innocent people, though. And everyone forgave you for that."

Vegeta rolled his eyes. "You're going to get us both stained with your bleeding heart."

"You like that about me." Goku leaned down for a kiss, but Vegeta blocked him with a turned cheek. Determined, Goku chased his lips until their mouths finally pressed together. "Ha! Got you."

Vegeta fought the temptation to kiss back: he turned his head again. "Kakarot. You're not saying these thing because you want to fuck him, right?"

Goku looked at him like he'd spoken a different language. "What?"

"What do you mean 'what'? You heard me."

"Of course I don't want to do _that_ , Vegeta." Goku pouted. "I just want you. And sometimes Yamcha. But that's different, because we do it together and that makes it fun. So I only want to have sex with you, and you alone. Most of the time. The other times, I want to have sex with Yamcha."

Vegeta's right eye twitched. "I already knew that."

Goku laughed nervously. "I mean, it's not like I ever want to have sex with him _more_ than I want to have sex with you. Anyway, I don't know why I'm talking about Yamcha, but no, I don't want to have sex with Yorick. But I guess Yamcha wants to have sex with Yorick. Which is kind of weird now that I think about it. Does that mean _we're_ going to have sex with Yorick the next time we go over there? Or are we going to ask him to leave? Not that I want to have sex with him. I'm just wondering about uh, what do you call it? The logistics. And even if I did want to have sex with Yorick, I'd want to do it with you at the same time. Not that I've thought about it before. And you hate him, so it's never happening. Not in a million years."

"Kakarot. Stop."

"Okay."

* * *

In the kitchen Bulma held her phone in front of Yorick's confused eyes while swiping through her photos. "And _this_ is a picture of Bra taking her first steps in front of my Rolls-Royce Phantom Coupe!"

"Uh-huh," Yorick said, eyes threatening to close.

"Oh, and here's a picture of her with Blondie at the park. If you look closely, you can see my Lambo next to the swing set."

"That's nice…"

Earlier they'd won the fight against the fire—but not without it leaving a permanent mark on the backyard. The grass spanning the distance from the house to the studio had singed black and brown. Trunks's expensive shoes had melted at the tips as well, but he wasn't too concerned seeing as he had two extra pairs back at home.

Until Goku emerged from his bedroom, everyone had to sit around the kitchen table tolerating Bulma's obsessive chronicling of every moment of Bra's short life—which in reality may have been an immodest presentation of her car collection. Trunks knew the opportunity to escape was a window that closed with every subsequent finger swipe on his mom's phone. "Goten," he whispered to the boy on his left, "let's fucking bail. We can get some cash from my room at Capsule Corp, then maybe skip town for a few weeks until my mom calms down."

"Are you joking?" Goten hadn't offered the same courtesy of lowering his voice.

"Dude, no. We have to leave now before—"

"I'm taking this seriously, Trunks!"

Everyone turned to gape at Goten. Trunks sucked through his teeth. "Oookay…I guess I don't mind getting everyone else's input too."

"I don't understand you." Goten crossed his arms over his chest. "I think moving out is scary too, but I'm willing to do it!"

"Goten, chill. I'll take you to a hotel for a few—"

"I _can't_ chill. We haven't even—you know," he stammered, looking at Bulma, " _done_ it since we got married. Are you planning on calling the whole thing off or something?"

"It was my idea to get married in the first place!"

"That's exactly the reason you shouldn't treat it like a _game_!" Goten's eyes widened. "Did you marry me just for fun?"

"Don't be dumb. That's not the only reason."

Goten clutched both sides of his head. "I don't understand you and it's scaring me!"

Trunks rolled his shoulders. He hated the confused look the Announcer gave him. And he didn't even want to think about how his mother's mouth opened and closed as if she were debating the benefits of inserting herself into the argument.

After staring at Goten's pained face a few seconds longer, he caved. "Fine. Let's fuse it out, then."

Goten sighed. " _Thank_ you!"

'"Fuse it out'?" The Announcer pointed back and forth between the two of them. "You don't mean—?"

"It's easier than talking," Trunks said. He laced his fingers with Goten's. "Let's go upstairs."

* * *

Crouched on his knees in the middle of the floor, Vegeta hastened rebuckling Goku's belt. "There. Are you ready to go out now?"

"Wow, Vegeta," Goku said in a near whisper. "You're really smart."

"Why do you say that?"

"Because you give good brain." Vegeta spun him around and slapped his ass. Goku yelped. "Ow!"

"Shut your mouth. Where did you even learn what that means?"

"From the radio station you listen to!"

Vegeta shuffled Goku across the carpet. The dumb smile on his mate's face annoyed him. He wasn't sure why a lot of their arguments ended with someone getting blown, but the least Goku could do was pretend they'd actually been yelling at each other the whole time they were missing. He shoved Goku through the door and into the kitchen.

"Goku!" Bulma leapt from her chair and ran toward both the Saiyans. Yorick looked relieved, and Vegeta immediately regretted missing out on whatever torture she'd inflicted upon him. Goku smiled, anticipating a hug, but she jabbed her finger into his chest instead. "What have you been doing for the past four months? I haven't heard anything about the wedding, I don't know when it's happening, I don't know _where_ it's happening, Android 18 hasn't called me either, and—"

"Slow down!" Goku sidestepped away from the barrel of her pretend gun. He sat down at the table beside the Announcer. The blond man made a good barrier against Bulma's frustration. "There's no date for the wedding yet."

"There _isn't_?" She shook her head. "I can't believe you! I knew I shouldn't have left something this important for 18 to deal with." She pounded her fingers on her phone. "I'm booking a venue for the wedding right now."

Vegeta balked. "Stop it. You can't just choose any place _you_ want!"

"Someone has to do it!"

"Bulma, please." Goku looked over the Announcer's shoulder. "Yorick came all the way over here to discuss something with us. Can we talk about the wedding later?"

"Later?" She sighed. "Goku, were you planning on telling me about Trunks's wedding _later_ as well?"

Goku winced. "I didn't want you to get mad!"

Bulma pocketed her phone. She rubbed slow circles against her temples. Vegeta recognized the action too well: he too suffered from migraines inflicted by idiotic Saiyans. "Goku, I'm trying to be a good friend and help. But that's not going to happen if you don't talk to me at all."

"I know, and I'm sorry!" Goku used the Announcer's shoulders as a wall and perched his fingers atop them. "It's just that Vegeta and I have been busy with—"

"With the studio," Vegeta interjected. He didn't need Bulma getting her nose all up in his reproductive organs just yet. "I've been busting his ass about it for months. We haven't had time for anything else." He ignored the perplexed raise of Goku's eyebrows. Unlike his mate, Vegeta saw nothing wrong with a white lie.

Bulma tilted her head. "Well…you both have phones. Learn to use them once in a while. When I hear news second-hand from Trunks, I don't know what to think." She looked up at the ceiling. "And _he_ doesn't tell me everything either."

"I told Android 18 I'd talk to her soon about the wedding. I'll meet with you both tomorrow. Does that work?" Vegeta asked in as friendly of a tone he could muster having missed a whole night's worth of sleep.

Bulma bit her lip. "Deal." She clenched her hands. "But I'm going to be royally pissed if you postpone this any longer."

No longer needing a human shield, Goku released his hold on the Announcer. Both of them sighed in relief. "Thanks," Goku muttered.

Bulma gazed out of the kitchen toward the staircase. "I came here for Trunks anyway. What's his deal? Is he really moving out?"

"I told him he had to, but he pitched a fit when I said he can't have an allowance if he's married." Vegeta sat down beside Goku. He tapped his foot against the linoleum, ready for all the unwanted guests to leave. "If you want to yell at him some more, be my guest."

"Good idea." She nodded her head toward Goku. "I didn't say it before. But I'm glad Trunks married Goten. I was worried for a second he'd start fooling around with one of those girls always calling Capsule Corp."

That was news to Vegeta. Before he could ask further about these mysterious girls, Goku spoke up again. "Thanks, Bulma. Trunks is a good kid too."

Something heavy scraped against the floor upstairs. Bulma blew a strand of hair out of her face. "I bet that's him packing up to run away!" She dashed out of the kitchen.

If the boys were sequestered away in their room, Vegeta already knew how Bulma's visit upstairs would end. He rose from his chair and headed to the fridge. "Does anyone else need a drink right now?"

"You shouldn't have alcohol in your condition," Yorick piped up.

"Why? 'Cause he's tired?" Goku asked.

Yorick sighed. "No."

"I'll have one," the Announcer said. "And I'll drink whichever one Bulma thinks she'll have before driving again."

"Do you want a beer or a shot of tequila?" Vegeta asked.

The Announcer peered over the rim of his sunglasses. "Yes."

* * *

Bulma rounded the corner at the top of the stairs. It'd been years since she last visited the second floor of the Son household. Vegeta's presence had truly changed the ambiance of the whole place: painting and illustrations lined the hallway around her. Briefly she wondered how different her life would be had he turned out to be a painter years ago.

The muffled sound of people talking came from behind a door at the end of the hall. "Trunks," Bulma yelled. She twisted the doorknob and pushed her weight against the door. "If you think you can use my credit card to go on a three week vacation you're out of your—"

Across the room on the bed, Gotenks furiously masturbated. In the hand _not_ working himself over he held a large phone. Its speakers blared cheesy porno conversation mixed in with the occasional high-pitched moan. Gotenks made eye contact with the intruder. "Bul—err— _Mom_!"

Bulma backed out of the room with her eyes shielded. "I thought you two were talking!"

"We _did_!"

"But that was just five minutes ago!" Bulma peeked through her fingers. "Can you _please_ stop doing that while talking to me?"

"Why are you still here!"

"Sorry!" Bulma ran backwards down the hall.

* * *

After much cajoling and literal shoving of people out doors, Vegeta found the sought-after silence he longed for since breakfast time.

Except…there was still all the racket Gotenks caused upstairs. In fusion their sons finally found the tenacity to have loud sex that occasionally shook the kitchen ceiling. Vegeta didn't bother mulling over how masturbating could possibly be so raucous, but maybe kids these days did weird shit he wasn't familiar with.

It'd be a perfect afternoon if Yorick was out of sight as well. The vampire hadn't moved or said a single word since Bulma left half an hour before, but his presence was nevertheless irritating.

Under Vegeta's watchful eye he had little to say to Goku through speech. Instead, he made use of his talent of eye-fucking him from across the table. Like a cat, Yorick lapped at the surface of his glass full of beer while ogling Goku's pectorals. It didn't help that Goku was uncharacteristically aware of Yorick's leering and found it best to gaze up at the ceiling while whistling a stupid tune.

"Why are you so quiet?" Vegeta asked Yorick, hoping to embarrass him for his lechery.

"I'm just having fun reading Goku's mind."

Goku broke his staring contest with the ceiling. "Sorry, Vegeta!"

"For what?"

"For…oh. Never mind."

Vegeta squinted at him. "What were you thinking about just now?"

"Don't tell him Goku," Yorick said. "He might put you in timeout for being naughty."

Tired of the fuckery and ready to move things along, Vegeta kicked Goku beneath the table.

"Ow!" Goku rubbed his shin.

"Kakarot. Show the stupid picture to Yorick so I can go back to bed."

"Gosh. I almost forgot about it." Goku pulled the folded sheet of newsprint out of his pocket and slid it across the table toward Yorick. "A stranger left this on the porch this morning. Do you think that's you in the photo?"

Vegeta held his breath. His mood for the rest of the day hinged on whether or not Yorick told the truth.

Yorick's mouth fell slag. Beneath his brow his dark eyes glossed over in disbelief. "Who gave this to you?"

"Pay closer attention. Kakarot already said it was someone we didn't know. Whoever it was got away before any of us saw him." Vegeta leaned against the back of his chair. The evaporating foam in his beer sitting on the table made him thirsty and wary at the same time. Yorick's earlier nonchalant comment about drinking it made him too paranoid to bring it anywhere near his lips. "Now answer the question. Is that or is it not your stupid face next to Kakarot's?"

"Vegeta, please." Beneath the table, Goku placed a warm hand on his thigh. "Be nice."

 _Why, Kakarot?_ He still failed to comprehend why Goku insisted on defending such a worthless creature that slinked around like a ghoul and was the displeasure of every person who crossed his path. It had bruised Vegeta's ego to hear Goku compare his Prince to Yorick. And based on how horny Goku was during their earlier tiff, Vegeta still wondered if it was Goku's dick judging Yorick's worthiness instead of his heart. To top off Vegeta's puzzlement, Goku told him that Yamcha—a man who likely could have any woman he desired—allowed Yorick to sully his bed at night.

Did the man have a magical persuasion over people? Yorick didn't hold a candle to any of the other demonic creatures Vegeta crossed in the past: his mind was far too simple and his countenance too weak. So why the hell did Yamcha and Goku like him?

"Vegeta," Yorick sighed, "I wish you wouldn't think so loudly when counting all the reasons you hate me."

"Excuse me?" Vegeta slid his leg out from beneath Goku's grasp. "Don't tell me you're reading _my_ mind."

"I'm trying not to."

Something about the photo blunted Yorick's usual toxic attitude, but that mattered little to Vegeta. "Don't change the subject. Is that a picture of you?"

Yorick nodded. "Yes. It's me."

"Whoa! You were right, Vegeta!" Goku placed his hands behind his head. "I could have sworn it was you for a second."

"Of course I'm right." Vegeta rubbed the throbbing vein on his temple. "Alright. When did you two take this stupid photo?"

"It hasn't happened yet." Yorick pointed to the text below the picture. "This is dated nine months from now."

" _What_?" Vegeta inspected the words beneath Yorick's finger. "There aren't any numbers listed here. You're lying."

"It's written in an ancient vampiric language." Yorick dragged a pointed fingernail across the typed words. "It says, 'Glory falls upon Son Goku and Vegeta and the Holy One, our trinity of peace, born beneath the third quarter demon moon.'"

"What the hell does that mean?" Vegeta hadn't anticipated parsing through absolute gobbledygook.

"The third demon moon is around August." Yorick twirled his fingers through a thick lock of hair falling near his ear. His eyes narrowed to slits so thin, Vegeta wasn't sure his eyes were open anymore. "Um…it's a long story, but it's just another way we describe the end of summer."

"That doesn't mean it's in the future. That could mean August of any year," Vegeta argued.

"I didn't meet Goku until March of last year." Yorick mumbled under his breath. "And I haven't seen him since he left with you last July."

"I knew it was from the future!" Goku crossed his arms over his puffed out chest. Vegeta had to admit that the smug look on his face suited him well. "Who's laughing now, Vegeta?"

"No one is, Kakarot."

"I don't like this photo." Yorick looked up at Goku. "There are a lot of things wrong with it."

"No shit." Vegeta felt a weight lift off his shoulders. The idea of the picture coming from the future still made no sense, but he could tell by the disgusted look Yorick wore that the photo bothered him as much as it did Vegeta. Having the words beneath it finally translated opened a whole new can of worms. "I take it the 'Holy One' is the child you're holding."

"Yes." Yorick looked away from the table. "I think so."

"Do you know why I'm crying?" Goku asked.

"No. That's the first thing that's wrong." Yorick smashed his flat palms against the table. "I would never sit and let Goku cry all by himself!"

Vegeta palmed his forehead. "That's great to know."

"It's true!" Yorick's bottom lip quivered. "If Goku ever cried I would immediately come to his side and—"

"That's enough. We get it."

He choked on his words. "What a terrible thing to send to someone. I want to burn it."

Goku's eyebrows raised at that. "What's so bad about it?"

For the first time, Vegeta found himself siding with Yorick. "It's creepy, Kakarot."

"That's a huge understatement," Yorick said. "It shouldn't even exist. Vampires can't be seen in photographs in the first place." He wiped his forehead. "And I look so frightened."

Vegeta leaned forward. "What about the baby?"

Yorick's mouth curled into a horrible frown. "Vegeta. Goku. Is there anything you'd like to tell me?"

Vegeta didn't like having his previous question ignored. "What do you mean?"

"Are you _planning_ anything _important_ nine months from now?"

"Don't think so," Goku chimed in.

"Are you absolutely sure?" Yorick leaned forward onto his elbows. "Because if you're hiding something incredibly important from me, I'm going to be very upset once I find out the truth."

"You're the one always bragging about reading people's minds," Vegeta said. "Can't you just do it now and see if—"

"I can't read everything!" Yorick ran his fingers through his hair, frazzled. "I'm not some omniscient being. If you know how to hide something well, I can't find it at all!"

Vegeta knew if he laughed at Yorick's pitifulness, Goku would give him a piece of his mind later. "No, we're not planning anything nine months from now. That's the truth."

"Why do you ask?" Goku said while staring at the picture. "Do you think we're planning to do something bad in nine months?"

"Bad for me, maybe." Yorick looked—crestfallen? No, worse than that. Like someone had just taken his ice cream and smashed it on the ground. He covered his face with his hands. "But who knows for sure? All I'm confident about is that in nine months you and I are going to take this terrible picture."

 _Wait a second. Nine months?_ Vegeta eyed the baby in the photo. "Do you know whose child that is you're holding?"

Yorick spread his fingers open over his face so only his eyes were exposed. "Yes. I do."

Goku jumped in his chair. "You do?"

"Yes."

Vegeta beckoned Yorick's reticence forward with the curl of his index finger. "Out with it then."

"I don't want to say!"

Goku tilted his head. "Why not?"

Yorick growled a word in a language Vegeta didn't understand. Slowly, he dragged his hands away from his face, over his mouth, then back flat onto the table. "If I tell you, you'll think differently of me."

"Trust me. We won't," Vegeta said.

Yorick closed his eyes. "I'm pretty sure that's my son."

Vegeta fell out of his chair. Goku dragged him up off the floor and slapped him silly. "Wake up, Vegeta!"

"I'm already awake!" Vegeta grabbed Goku's wrists to cease the barrage of smacks. "I'm just shocked is all!" Yorick was about as straight as a corkscrew, so Vegeta was unsure how he ever wound up impregnating a woman.

"I'm surprised too." Goku frowned while baring his teeth. "You're a father, Yorick? I can't believe it!"

"I knew you'd be all _weird_ about it!" Yorick glared down into his lap. "It's a part of my life I'd rather not think about anymore."

"Well you're going to do plenty of thinking about it now because I want to know why the hell you're holding _your_ baby next to _my_ Kakarot like you're all a—"

"Family?" Yorick finished for him. "I have no idea. And please stop yelling at me, because I hate that baby too!"

"Whoa." Goku cringed. "That's a harsh thing to say about your own kid."

"I was only agreeing with what Vegeta was thinking!"

Vegeta felt his face flush. "I thought no such thing." He looked at the baby again. Its red, curly locks were actually quite adorable along with its rosy cheeks and precious sleeping face. What right did Yorick have to hold such a cute child next his Kakarot? It had the nerve to look absolutely nothing like a Saiyan either, which stirred some inexplicable betrayal in Vegeta's heart.

Goku pulled Vegeta's chair closer to his own. "Cool it, Vegeta."

"He has the right to be angry. That's a very evil baby." Yorick tapped his finger over the child's face. "I'm only going to mention this once, okay? A long time ago—I'm talking hundreds of years ago here—I used to be married to a wo…a woooo..."

"A woman," Goku finished for him.

"Yes." Yorick exhaled in relief at not having to make the admission by himself.

"I didn't know you were that old." Goku leaned across the table and poked one of Yorick's ribs, which earned him a soft mewl in return. Satisfied Yorick didn't turn to dust under his touch, Goku spoke again. "I thought vampires only came to Cortasia after Boris went to prison sixty years ago?"

Yorick looked annoyed at the question. "In the past five centuries there have been dozens of regime changes. Every time a king got his head lopped off or a tribunal got ousted, vampires were either driven in or out of the city. Just because your friend Boris can remember a time we weren't around in droves doesn't mean we still didn't exist."

"I don't care about the history lesson," Vegeta said. "What about the kid in the picture?"

"Right. After I got married, we had a b…baby, even though I never wanted one. Shortly after that, we all got bitten and turned."

"So the kid never grew up," Vegeta said with a sneer.

"Not physically. But mentally? Yes." Yorick shook his head, reliving a silent horror. "He was a very cruel child."

"Wonder where he got it from," Vegeta muttered.

"I'm not a killer like he is! Right, Goku?" Yorick asked with a gleam in his eye.

"You did try to bite me to death when we met for the first time…"

Yorick sighed. "That doesn't count."

"Alright." Goku exchanged a confused look with Vegeta. "So where is he now?"

"No idea. He and his mother left me a long time ago, thank goodness."

"But I don't get it. Why doesn't the baby look like you?" Goku asked.

"He _does_ look like Yorick," Vegeta said. "I saw the fool's normal form when he first came over today."

Goku gasped. "You showed Vegeta but not me?"

 _Could Kakarot not have said that like the man gave me a peep show?_ "It was nothing to write home about," Vegeta mumbled.

Yorick blushed at Goku's curiosity. There was no shutting him up now. "It was an accident, Goku. I don't expose myself for any old person…"

"I wanna see it now."

Yorick's embarrassment soared to new heights. He cupped both sides of his red face. "In the middle of the daytime? In the kitchen? And with Vegeta here too?"

"Shut-up and get back to the photo." Vegeta reached across the table and flipped it over. "There's a note on the back as well."

Yorick read the handwritten note on the back. "'Mom'?" His blush faded and he returned to his normal ghostly pallor. He glanced up at Vegeta. "Ew."

"'Ew'? That's your reaction to reading that?"

Yorick gnawed on his bottom lip; Vegeta wondered if he was about to lie. "Umm, I don't know who wrote this."

"Are you sure?" Vegeta asked.

Yorick looked deep into Vegeta's eyes again. Briefly Vegeta wondered if the expression on Yorick's face meant he was in the middle of reading someone's mind. "It's true. I don't know who sent this to you. But I have a feeling I'm in this photo to replace you, Vegeta. The caption lists your name after all. So why didn't you make it for the photo shoot? Why are you missing nine months from now?"

"Are you saying something bad is going to happen to him?" Goku asked, alarm in his voice.

"If the baby in the picture is involved in our lives nine months from now, then absolutely."

"But he looks so cute," Goku said, pointing at the bundle of joy in the picture. "Are you sure he's evil?"

"Why are you defending the baby now?" Vegeta squeezed Goku's hand hard enough for it not to be mistaken for affection. "He just said it was evil. It's not hard to believe that if it's _his_ spawn."

Yorick gave them both a wayward frown. Vegeta could tell he was conflicted over whether to be upset over Goku dismissing his fears, or Vegeta's dig at him. "Please believe me. You don't want him to get entangled in your lives." He rubbed his chin. "And if my suspicions are correct, the time traveler who left this picture here wanted to alert Vegeta of what is to come."

Goku's excitement over having a time traveler in his life was less positive compared to earlier. "The only other person I know who came back in time did it so we could change the future. I'm guessing we have to do the same for this situation."

"I'd agree with you, except I'm not confident it's possible." Yorick pointed to the written note again. "This explicitly says the future is inevitable."

Vegeta wasn't sure if Goku ever told Yorick about Future Trunks and multiple timelines. Or if Yorick gleaned the information using his supposed mind reading powers. Either way, his confidence in a bleak future didn't settle well with the Prince. "And you're just fine accepting the concept of time travel, Yorick?"

"It's unusual, but not unheard of in Cortasia."

Goku scratched his head. Normally Vegeta would be frustrated with his confusion, but Vegeta understood no more than he did at this point. "There are time machines in Cortasia?" Goku asked.

"No. There's this lake…" Yorick trailed off. "Goku. Will you come back with me?"

"To Cortasia?" Goku hesitated before speaking again. "Why?"

"There's a person I know there who used to run a printing press. I bet she's planning on starting another paper now that the tribunal isn't around anymore to stop her." He paused. "But _we_ should try to stop her beforehand."

"But what would that change?"

"It would change everything. If there's no newspaper, maybe _this_ little photo will never take place." Yorick glanced at Vegeta. "And maybe Vegeta won't go missing."

"We don't know for a fact I'm going to go missing!"

"Maybe he has a point, Vegeta," Goku sighed. "It couldn't hurt to go back for a day."

Yorick beamed. "Oh, Goku. I knew you'd want to spend some alone time with me." Yorick showed off his pearly white fangs in a spectacular grin. "You can help me talk with Anya, too. I get bullied all the time by her new cabinet. They never listen to me. And of course I'll show you around town since things have changed since you left. And if you're tired at the end of the day we can accommodate you in the castle. There's a lot of space in my room too, so if you'd like to sleep in there instead of staying in a big room all by yourself—"

"Are you stupid?" Vegeta seriously thought Yorick would've shut-up by now. "I'm coming too. I'm not leaving Kakarot alone with you."

"You don't have to do that!" Yorick looked around the room, frantic to find any excuse for Vegeta to leave his fiancé with a man who'd only an hour ago went searching for Goku's dirty underwear. "Don't you have to—um—paint or draw? Goku and I are going to be running around for a whole day. You'll only slow us down."

"There are these things called sketchbooks you can carry around."

"What about the laundry? You should really get on that. Unless you want Goku to leave the house while commando!"

Goku blinked. "I still have clean clothes left. Or we can just wash before I leave."

"Um—everyone will get confused if they see Vegeta and me walking down the street together!"

"Is that true?" Goku rubbed his chin. He earnestly couldn't see through Yorick's rice paper thin facade. "When I was last in Cortasia, everyone knew who you were even though you weren't in your normal form. And earlier you were sure it was _you_ in this photo. It sounds like vampires can tell each other apart easily."

Yorick succumbed to his usual dramatics, slumping backwards in his seat until his head dangled from the back of his chair. "I want to be alone with you, Goku!" he shouted toward the heavens.

"Oh!" Goku nodded at Vegeta. "Is it okay if I go with him by myself?"

"No."

"Okay. Sorry, Yorick."

Yorick draped his scarf over his face. It was difficult for Vegeta to make out the vampire's murmuring beneath the cloth. "I should have taken that shower instead."


	6. Part Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a lot of fun to write. I have to thank Ash (Bringing Yaoi Back) again for looking over this and helping me iron out a lot of kinks.
> 
> Since my chapters are getting longer, I think I'll regularly update every three weeks or so. It makes me sad that I can't update the story more often, but at least you all get extra content this way. Enjoy!

It didn't matter that yesterday Yorick had overstayed his welcome at Goku's house. The message was made crystal clear after Vegeta unceremoniously threw him out onto the welcome mat. It also wasn't a big deal that Yorick accepted the removal even though he could have overridden Vegeta's will and stayed at the Son home for as long as he liked. A quick glimpse into Goku's mind before getting kicked out revealed he, too, wanted the vampire to leave. Not that Yorick's feelings were hurt. And it especially wasn't relevant or noteworthy that Yorick hadn't seen Yamcha all night long, and that he was probably spending his morning having breakfast with someone who was infinitely more interesting than a vampire could ever be. 

Yorick was perfectly happy spending the morning elbow deep in a sink full of dishwater while his hands furiously scrubbed Yamcha's dishes clean. Sure, he'd broken a few plates since he started, but that was completely by accident. If Yamcha didn't like the pile of broken ceramic on the floor he could just clean it up himself later.

The analog clock on the stove read nine o'clock. As agreed upon the day before, in an hour Goku and Vegeta would arrive at the apartment to pick him up before leaving for Cortasia. The upcoming trip filled his stomach with knots—there was a strong possibly that the moment Vegeta stepped foot into town, everyone would go nuts. Sensing burgeoning life inside of a pregnant human was nearly as thrilling as smelling the freshly-spilled blood of a young child. Babies, whether born or unborn, captured the fancy of people like him in ways that was…unbecoming, to say the least.

Good thing Vegeta's pregnancy filled Yorick with loathing, or he too would follow Vegeta around as a lion stalks a wounded prey. Hopefully during their visit to vampire country everyone would behave themselves accordingly, maybe paying little mind to Vegeta at all since he was a man.

Yorick looked down at the plate in his hand. How long had he been rubbing his sponge against it? The floral pattern that circled the outer rim had faded beneath his vigorous scrubbing. _Damn._ He poised his hand in the air, ready to chuck the stupid thing across the room, when a polite knocking at the front door made him freeze.

Rarely did anyone visit Yamcha early in the morning. When they did, Yorick usually made himself scarce since he held absolutely zero interest in speaking with other humans.

The knocking came again. Whoever stood behind the door was shy in their persistence. Yorick rushed to the living room and stood on his toes to peer through the door's peephole. Finding no one on the other side, he unlocked the deadbolt and flung the door open.

Staring back up at him in awe stood a small child. No wonder he hadn't seen anyone through the peephole. A lavender pea coat adorned her small body, clashing with the over-sized red scarf wrapped around her head. Her gaping mouth and flitting eyes filled with familiarity made Yorick fear they'd met before. Which was odd, seeing as he had no reason to ever befriend a child, let alone ever talk to one.

A painful few seconds of staring at each other convinced Yorick to speak first. "Hello, mortal toddler."

"Hi," she said. Or he thought it was a "she." All children had soft faces, but the rosy tint to her cheeks and long eyelashes convinced him someone's daughter instead of son was currently bothering him.

The child's slack mouth turned into a smile. It made him uncomfortable that his presence excited her to the point of speechlessness. He spoke again. "What do you want?"

"I'm lost." All shy, her tiny hands toyed with the top button on her coat. Yorick noticed the spiky locks threatening to escape from beneath her scarf, as well as the strange rise and fall of the back of her jacket. "I don't…um…" She looked over her shoulder down the hallway.

The thought of slamming the door in her face tempted Yorick enough to step backward and close the door halfway. "You don't know where your parents are?"

"No." She beamed up at him. The rustling in the back of her jacket intensified.

"Are you hiding something in your coat?" Yorick leaned to the side to get a better view of her strange affliction.

"No!" she repeated. Self-conscious of his sudden interest in her jacket, she slapped her hands flat on her backside. "I'm lost!"

"What do you want me to do about it?"

She continued to smile up at him with a glimmer in her eyes. "I'm hungry!"

"I'm not going to feed you. I don't even know you."

The quick darting of her tongue out of her mouth startled Yorick. A tiny fang peeped out from between her lips. "I'm hungry, please," she said.

In his head he imagined Yamcha returning home and reading him the riot act for refusing to help a defenseless child. He sighed. "Fine. Come inside."

Immediately the little girl latched onto his leg. He closed the door and shuffled back into the kitchen, unsure how to act. What if the kid's parents never showed up? Should he go out looking for them? He didn't even know her name, let alone how the hell she got lost inside of a closed-off apartment complex. "Little girl," he huffed, dragging them both to the refrigerator, "what's your name?"

Her doe eyes peered up at him in admiration. "I don't know," she said in a rush.

As much as Yorick viewed children as plagues upon the earth, he couldn't deny the warmth growing in his chest the longer he stared at her face. Fatherhood was a concept he assumed had been wiped from his mind from centuries of existence. Fastidious suppression of memories of his own child helped as well. The cheerful look on the little girl's face niggled at his recollection, pushing to the surface of his memory a similar expression his son had given him long ago. "You forgot your own name?" was all he could muster to say.

"No," she chirped. "I'm hungry, please!"

Why did this child keep saying "please"? "I know you're hungry. But I won't feed you until you tell me your name."

She clung to his leg even tighter. "Beeta."

"Beeta? That's cute."

"Are you Papa?" Beeta asked.

"No, I'm not your father."

"You look like Papa."

Yorick did _not_ like the sound of that. The last thing he needed was some child mistaking him for her currently absent father. To distract her from any more questions of parentage he flung the refrigerator door open. "What do you want to eat, Beeta?"

The frosty blast of air onto her small face made her jump in fright. She recovered, then leaned on her tippy toes into the depths of the ice box. "Meat!"

Yorick raised a brow. He supposed it was safe to serve a small child meat. But it was a strange request nevertheless. "Okay. I'll make you some sausage."

Beeta gasped. "Sausage!"

"Yes, sausage."

Heating up a few sausage links in a skillet would have been easy if a tiny child hadn't clung to Yorick's legs during the whole ordeal. Once done cooking he pulled a plate from the dishrack and tossed the few slices of meat onto the surface. Before he could drag Beeta to the table to eat, she jumped high into the air and snatched the food clean off the plate.

"Geez!" Yorick gripped the plate in his hand, not wanting to deal with any more broken dishes before Yamcha returned. "Calm down!"

Beeta's cheeks swelled with the food. With one large gulp she swallowed it down whole.

"My God. Didn't your parents teach you how to chew?"

"More!" she squeaked.

"That's enough for a child," Yorick said. "Why don't we go looking for your real Papa?"

"More please," Beeta whined. She tugged on Yorick's pant leg.

"No!"

Tears welled in her eyes. "Papa, please?"

Ten minutes later another plate of sausage was cooked and then placed between Beeta's shaky hands. Fear gripped Yorick's chest as the dish teetered to and fro in her grasp. Again she sucked down the meat in seconds flat. "More," she repeated.

"Absolutely not."

"Papa, please."

After cooking a third plate of food, Yorick decided no matter how cute Beeta looked it couldn't be safe for a toddler to down three pounds of sausage in one sitting. After she licked the plate clean, hopeful eyes looked up at him again. "No," he sighed. "There's no more sausage."

"May I have fish, please?"

"No."

"Can Daddy cook the fish?" she asked, tilting her head to the side. "Please?"

"I don't know what you're talking about!"

No number of centuries could make Yorick forget that familiar quiver of a child's bottom lip. Slowly he ran his hands down both sides of his face. "Okay, there's some fish in here. But that's the last thing I'm giving you."

Twenty minutes later, Beeta's plate held the skeleton of a foot-long catfish that'd been sucked dry. Yorick hadn't even bothered with seasoning it since the kid barely chewed her food, let alone savored it. "Who taught you to eat like that?" he asked. His jaw dropped when he saw Beeta attempt to chew at the bones left on her plate.

She scrunched her face in disgust. "Ew!"

"That's right. You're not supposed to eat that part." Yorick took the plate away from her. "How does all that food fit inside of you?"

All of his questions were irrelevant in the mind of a toddler. Beeta rubbed her stomach while bouncing on the heels of her feet. "Thank you. Can I fix it?"

"Fix what?"

She pointed to the pile of broken dishes near the sink. Yorick winced, suddenly embarrassed there was evidence of his earlier annoyance over Yamcha's absence. "That? No, I'll clean it up. Don't step—"

Beeta raised her arm in the air and splayed her fingers apart. Piece by piece the broken shards lifted off the ground. Her eyes narrowed as she focused her sights on the garbage bin. The shards slowly floated forward in space, occasionally dropping, but never touching the floor. The lid to the garbage flipped opened and the shards were dropped inside of it. She turned around to search for any approval in Yorick's face.

"That's quite a talent you have." Hoping to not raise too much attention to himself, he slowly walked backwards away from the smiling child. Was she a demonic being? Had someone sent her after him? Now Yorick wasn't sure he should have invited her inside at all. If she also possessed a modicum of superhuman strength, he didn't stand a chance surviving a fight with her. He decided that if at any point she got angry he may have to close his eyes so he didn't have to look at her cute little face as he snapped her neck. Survival of the fittest, after all.

Demonic or not, Beeta looked absolutely pleased by her parlor trick. She closed the gap between her and Yorick, lifting her arms into the air as she got closer. She whined. Her tiny fists opened and closed, the silent request clear to even someone like him.

"No, Beeta."

Her eyebrows knitted together. The confused expression didn't suit her at all. "Please?"

All the resistance in the world couldn't keep him from lifting her up from the floor into his arms. She squirmed in his grasp until they were eye level, and she wrapped her arms around his neck.

"Don't get the wrong idea. I don't like children." She sank her teeth into his earlobe. He yelped. "Shit, Beeta!"

"Hehe."

He held his breath. When she didn't bite his face off or turn him into dust, he allowed himself to relax. Her scarf slid halfway off her head to reveal thick bangs that framed her face. Inside her left ear sat a tan-colored device. Yorick squinted at it. "Is that a hearing aid?"

Another knock came at the door, this time a hard rapt that made Yorick jump. He looked down at Beeta as if she'd caused it. On his trip to the door Beeta hurried to pull her scarf back over her wild hair. He opened the door and glared at the young woman standing before him. "Yes?"

"Oh, thank goodness. You found her!" A teenager stood in front of him sporting a scarf over her head similar to Beeta's. Unlike Beeta's outfit, the teen's baggy sweat suit and sneakers were an affront to her luxurious head wrap. The jumbo sunglasses she wore added to her odd appearance. Stranger yet, Yorick couldn't peer into her mind at all.

"Who are you?" he asked.

The teenager grinned back at him. "Beeta's sister. I hope she didn't cause you much trouble."

"She didn't at all. She's sweet."

The teenager frowned at that. She was even so bold as to lean into the apartment to inspect its state. "Holy shit. The kid left the place spotless!"

Yorick stared into Beeta's innocent face. "Is she usually trouble?"

The teen ignored the question. "Are you here alone?" she asked.

"Yes. I am." The stupid sunglasses and scarf hid any clear way to identify the teen. But it was clear that she and Beeta had similar smiles. Now that he thought about it, he'd seen their smiles before, but on a different person.

 _Wait._ "How did you get in here?" Yorick asked, suddenly frightened.

The teen's face softened. "Beeta and I were visiting some family here. She ran off and got lost before I could catch her."

Yorick glanced at Beeta again. Her cheery demeanor had faded and was replaced with a panicked frown. "Beeta," he asked, "do you know this person?"

"Yes," she said obediently.

The teen laughed. The guffaw pinged a memory in his mind again. "Sorry she's so shy. I can take her back now."

Yorick couldn't take it any longer. That same cheeky smile had long ago been branded into his memory like a cattle iron, and he'd be damned if he actually believed his mind was just playing tricks on him. "Do you know who Son Goku is?" he asked.

"What?" The girl looked…annoyed? "No. Now if you don't mind—"

"I want to go home!" Beeta stretched her arms out toward the girl.

It was hard for Yorick to ignore the feeling of betrayal coursing through him as he handed Beeta over to the stranger. At least her nervous demeanor didn't change after she wrapped her arms around the neck of her supposed sister.

"Thanks, mister," the teen said. She offered him a salute. Which offended him, but he wasn't sure why.

"Did I do it right?" Beeta asked her sister.

"Maybe you'll do better next time." The teenager winked at Yorick. "Thanks for looking after her."

"It wasn't a problem. I'm glad she can go back home now."

The teen gave a curt nod, and walked away down the hall. Over her shoulder Beeta stared back at Yorick with glossy eyes.

* * *

Upon Vegeta's insistence the duo flew to Yamcha's apartment instead of Goku teleporting them both there. The Prince had been in a curiously good mood during their journey, going so far as to lose himself in the clouds and force Goku to chase after him. The larger Saiyan knew better than to question Vegeta when he was inexplicably happy, so he took pleasure in freewheeling through the sky until they landed at the apartment.

They arrived at the front door a few minutes past ten. Right before Goku's hand made contact with the front door, Vegeta grabbed his right ass cheek and squeezed until Goku cried uncle. "Why do you look so down, Kakarot? Didn't you have fun getting here?"

"Yeah, I did." Goku was glad Vegeta couldn't read his thoughts.

"I get it. You wanted to use your transmission technique so you could catch Yamcha and your friend in the act."

Goku mentally cursed to himself. "Of course not. Do you think I'm some kind of pervert?"

"Yes. Absolutely."

Goku pummeled the door with a series of knocks. "I'm not as big of a pervert as you are. And let go of me before Yamcha answers!"

Vegeta licked his row of upper teeth. "Why should I? You like it."

Goku didn't mind when Vegeta fell into one of his "moods," but they were about to go on a trip where the freezing temperatures would make playing grab ass or running behind a building for a quickie less than ideal. Goku would just end up spending the day fighting off a boner while Vegeta laughed at him. "We need to f-focus on making the trip short," he said through gritted teeth. Vegeta had launched a full-on massage on his ass that was affecting his speech. "We have to meet Bulma tonight, remember? To talk about the wedding? If we're late she's going to blow a gasket."

"Do you hear what you're saying? What am I doing that would affect that?"

"You're making me horny. On purpose. And for no good reason!"

"Is that so wrong?" Vegeta pressed himself against Goku's ass, and Goku could feel a warm hardness push between his cheeks. "Besides, I wouldn't mind walking in on those two myself."

 _Either Vegeta hit his head last night, or he's_ really _horny_ , Goku thought. Vegeta's comment forced him to consider all of the possible directions the morning could go in. None of them involved leaving Yamcha's apartment. The sound of footsteps on the opposite side of the door brought him back to reality. "Vegeta, let go of me!"

Vegeta relinquished his ass. Goku sighed, but felt a hand palm at his crotch. He slapped the hand away at the same time the door flew open. Yorick stared back at him with wide eyes. "Ay, Yorick," Goku said softly, hoping the vampire didn't hear any of the previous conversation.

Yorick stared at Goku's face for a few seconds. "How strange." He turned on his heel. "Come inside."

Both Saiyans exchanged quick glances, then walked into the apartment. Goku noticed the whole room was cast into darkness from the blinds being closed shut. Never had Yamcha's apartment looked so eerie. "Why don't you let some light in, Yorick?"

"Goku. I'm a vampire."

"Whoops. I forgot."

Yorick's mouth twitched at the admission. "Anyway, I need to discuss something with you two before we leave." He threaded his fingers through his hair and looked downcast at the floor. "I want you both to know that people in the city may act strangely when they see you two."

Goku scratched the top of his head. "Why?"

"Because…you're both mortals. There aren't a lot in the capitol even now."

"I hope that isn't code for, 'You're going to get attacked the moment you step foot there.' I won't hesitate to kill one of your kind if I have to." Vegeta leaned on one foot to get a better view of the hall leading to the bedroom. "Where's Yamcha hiding?"

"I don't know. I haven't seen him since yesterday morning." Goku wasn't the best at reading his friends' emotions, but so far Yorick only got along with Vegeta when distracted by depression. At this point in the conversation the vampire should have been touching Goku in some capacity, maybe even only doing so to piss Vegeta off. Instead he continued to stare at the floor. "If you hear anything from him let me know."

"Why don't you just call him?" Goku asked.

"I don't want to bother him."

Vegeta smirked. "You? Worried about bothering someone? That's new."

"Can you not be a dick, please? Oh Christ, now _I'm_ saying it." Yorick looked absolutely exhausted from their short conversation. "I'm ready to go now. By the way, did you two forget to bring something warm to wear? You're going to die if you go over there wearing only jeans."

"We're good," Goku said. "I got us some self-warming jackets that should make the cold easier to deal with."

Vegeta dug into his pocket and tossed two capsules onto the carpet. A loud _poof_ filled the room as two matching parkas appeared on the floor. The duo tugged the jackets on, Goku unashamed to stare at Vegeta as he fumbled with his own zipper. Vegeta had to find a coat with a big enough hood to house his hair. Goku had never considered how his mate had probably struggled with hats his entire life. "Vegeta, put your hood up," Goku said with a bit too much enthusiasm. To encourage the Prince he lifted his own hood over his spiky hair.

Vegeta grumbled something unintelligible. Goku continued to smile at him in anticipation, forcing Vegeta to speak again. "We haven't left yet."

"But we're about to." Goku's grin threatened to split his face. "C'mon, do it."

Vegeta glared at Yorick, daring him to utter an insult as he pulled his hood up over his tall hair. A circle of fur crowned his face once he pulled on the hood's drawstrings. Compared to Goku, Vegeta looked like a tiny lion with a mane much too large for its head.

Goku gasped. "Doesn't he look cute, Yorick?"

"Not at all. He looks stupid."

Goku cupped Vegeta's blushing face in his hands. "Aw, look at my little Vegeta."

"Goku, stop it," Yorick whined. "You're going to make me throw up."

The strained expression on Vegeta's face pleased Goku to the core. The Prince enjoyed the attention while simultaneously hating that an outside spectator had to be witness to it. Years ago he would have cut Goku's hands off for touching him in such a playful way, so Goku was grateful his mate on only grabbed onto his wrists to get his embarrassment across. "Kakarot. We can do this later," he sighed.

"Listen to Vegeta. Let's go already. I'm happy to leave this place—the sun just set where we're headed." Yorick smoothed the front of his jacket, which Goku noticed was much lighter than theirs. He remembered how the vampire took the frigid cold of his homeland much better than any normal human could.

"Alright. Fine by me." Goku wrapped his right arm around Vegeta's waist and pulled him flush against his side. "For me to IT us there you both have to be touching—"

Before he could finish his sentence, Yorick latched himself onto Goku's left arm. "Like this?"

"Yeah!"

"Is it going to take a long time to get there?" Yorick ran his hands up and down Goku's bicep, which bulged even though the puffy jacket. He looked up at Goku with a soft smile. "If so, I won't mind."

"If you say one more goddamn word to Kakarot before we get there, I will kill you."

Goku placed his fingers to his forehead. All the touching and rubbing from both Vegeta and Yorick made him yearn for the cooler temperatures. "It'll only take a second," he mumbled.

Instantaneously they arrived in the middle of a dark field. A gentle flurry fell from the sky, dusting the top of their coats with snow. It was night. A familiar sense of dread rose from the pit of Goku's stomach: he didn't have a fond perspective on his previous adventures in the country, and painful memories of his separation from Vegeta reminded him of how he once longed to escape the place. He'd be lying if he said his anxiousness all morning long was due to excitement.

The pang of loneliness he felt compelled him to grab onto his mate's hand. "You alright, Vegeta?"

"Of course I am." Vegeta's hand shivered in his palm. "Why wouldn't I be?"

Goku was relieved neither Yorick nor Vegeta railed him about failing to appear inside the actual city itself. From his experience vampires lacked any sort of ki he could lock onto, so landing anywhere near their destination was a bit of a crap shoot. He did his best to focus on Boris's energy, but even it had been so faint and unfamiliar Goku wasn't sure where they'd land after teleporting. "We're near the capitol, right?" Goku asked Yorick.

"Yes. It looks like we're near the west entrance." In the freezing landscape Yorick looked far more at ease than just a minute ago. He pointed at a wrought-iron archway hundreds of feet ahead of them. "First I need to show you both this lake that's east of town. There won't be a council meeting for another few hours, which should be more than enough time for us to look for the cave that houses the lake."

"Council meeting? Do I have go to that?" Goku didn't mean to gripe. But the last time he was in Cortasia he spent a whole week sitting through a boring slog of talks before the country's new rule became official. He'd actually watched the paint dry on a new door in the castle one day, and that had only occupied his attention because it vaguely reminded him of Vegeta.

"W-What's so special about this lake?" The chattering of Vegeta's teeth minced his voice. "I thought we were going to speak with a printer?"

"She usually isn't free until later in the night. And the lake concerns time travel." Goku caught Yorick giving Vegeta a suspicious glance. "I'll explain more once I get there. But for now let's hurry through town to get to the east gate."

Yorick hadn't exaggerated the day before when he said the capitol had changed in the months Goku had been gone. The moment they stepped through the iron gate, Goku noticed that previously rotted and destroyed buildings had been re-erected. Gas lamps lined the long path before them, illuminating the packed layer of snow beneath their feet with yellow pools of light. They'd all stepped into a strange dimension where squat, medieval shops lined the streets with dull lanterns inside each one that beckoned forward visitors in the night. Black birds sat perched on cables connecting various buildings across the span of the street they walked down. The unearthly quiet made Goku wonder if all the people in town were hiding in the shadows ready to pounce the moment they let their guard down.

"Do a lot of people live here?" Vegeta asked, whipping his head left and right with a paranoid squint of his eyes. "It looks empty."

Yorick glanced at Vegeta. "Are you blind?"

Goku gasped. "I see them now!" There were people in the shadows after all. Black silhouettes walked up and down the street, making sure to avoid stepping foot into the light of the gas lamps. "Why don't they like the light? I thought only the sun could hurt vampires."

"No, they don't hurt. The lamps are only for the benefit of the humans that live here. But for everyone else it's unpleasant being exposed when you're just trying to walk down the street."

Goku didn't understand the logic of that at all. But as long as the creatures slinking about meant no harm, he didn't mind their presence. The tightened grip on his hand from Vegeta made him fear his mate felt otherwise.

"Yorick?" A tall woman approached them. In the dim light Goku could make out white ringlets cascading down her shoulders. "You brought humans here?"

"They're not exactly humans." Yorick rolled his eyes. "This is Goku and his—"

"Yes, we all know who Goku is. But I didn't know he had a wife." Her steely eyes locked onto Vegeta. "Congratulations."

"For what?" Goku asked quick enough to cut off whatever insult Vegeta was about to yell at the woman.

"We have to get going now," Yorick said at the top of his lungs. He latched onto Goku's wrist and pulled him down the street. "Don't mind her. Her brain's been turned to mush from years of excessive drinking."

"Wow. That's terrible," Goku said with genuine concern in his voice. _Does Yorick know everyone who lives here?_

After barely walking a few more feet, another vampire appeared before them. This time it was a dumpy man with a thick scarf obscuring the lower half of his face. Even so, his voice was loud enough to be understood through the fabric. "Yorick, who is that?" he asked.

Yorick groaned. "This is Son Goku! You know, he helped—"

"No," the perplexed man said while pointing at Vegeta. "The lady. You know who I meant."

"We're busy right now, so leave us alone!" Done with being polite, he dragged Goku down the street as he broke into a sprint.

During their journey to the east side of the city, dozens of people stopped them due to whatever mysterious aura surrounded Vegeta. Goku watched the Prince's face grow redder as more people questioned Yorick about who Vegeta was exactly. Some didn't bother with questions at all and chose to yell congratulations at him as they walked by. Yorick's impatience reached its limit once a lady ran up to them with a wide grin on her face. "Yorick," she yelled, "who's your friend?"

"No one. We're in a rush right now, so leave us alone!"

"Oh my goodness!" She leapt forward and planted her hand on Vegeta's stomach. The physical contact made him flinch, and he moved his feet and arms into a defensive pose. The nosy lady wasn't deterred at all as she continued to rub his stomach through his parka. "This just brightens my day. Have you decided on a name yet?" she asked.

"A name for what?" Vegeta said in a low growl.

"For your ba—"

Yorick screamed. "She's a lunatic. Don't listen to her!" He shoved her over into the snow.

"Hey!" Goku offered his hand out toward the fallen woman. "That was uncalled for, Yorick!"

She batted away Goku's helping hand and instead crawled toward Vegeta to inspect him closer. "From what I can tell you're not too far along at all. But even so, it's never too early to think of a name."

Vegeta relaxed in his fighting stance. "I think you're confused."

"Let's go you two." This time Yorick grabbed both of their hands and dragged them farther down the street. "She's like the resident crazy lady, you know? Nothing she says makes any sense."

"But there must be something special about Vegeta for him to get all of this attention," Goku said. Beside him Vegeta made sure to avoid his gaze. _Why is he blushing so much?_

"There's nothing special about him at all, Goku." Yorick blew tufts of white air in front of his face. "They're just excited someone new is in town."

By the time the east gate appeared in the hazy distance, a small parade of vampires had gathered behind them. Yorick stomped holes into the snow with every step while sputtering obscenities against meddlesome people. Goku's curiosity about whatever lake Yorick was taking them to waned the longer people shouted behind them. The least Yorick could have done was stop and ask them what it was they really wanted: Goku wasn't so stupid as to believe them being mortals piqued everyone's curiosity to the point of stalking them through town.

"Hey," one woman yelled from the crowd. "I own a tailor shop on the west side. If you need me to make anything for you three, let me know."

Goku patted Vegeta's back. "That's nice of her to offer to make us all clothes." He expected Vegeta to nod in agreement, but the Prince kept his face hidden from view.

"She's not including me in that number," Yorick muttered under his breath.

Another man shouted loud enough for his voice to become distinct from the din of the crowd. "Are you going to come back in nine months so we can meet her?" He paused. "Or him?"

Yorick pulled them past the iron archway of the east gate until they were no longer within earshot of their fan club. "That was fucking hell," he groaned, massaging his temples. "Sorry about that."

"No problem." Goku rubbed his nose to thaw it from the aggressive chill clawing at his face. "Geez. How much farther is this place you want to take us?"

"A few hundred miles. Or maybe one mile? I'm not sure."

"What the hell?" Vegeta grabbed onto Yorick's shoulder and spun him around. "You're joking."

"I'm not." Yorick stared down at the offensive hand touching him. "The cave the lake sits in moves around a lot. So it could be far away. Or it could be nearby."

Goku held his palm over his eyes and scouted the vast tundra around them. "There's no way we can see anything in this weather."

Vegeta shoved Yorick over into the snow. "We can use Solar Flare. Maybe it'll show up on the horizon."

"That's a great idea, 'Geta!"

"Hmph. I've always wanted to try it out, so let _me_ do it."

At Vegeta's feet Yorick flailed around in the snow to catch his bearings. "Why'd you push me over? And what the hell is a 'Solar Flare'?"

Goku scratched the top of his hood. "Hey Yorick. You should cover your eyes before—"

" **SOLAR FLARE!** "

The moment Vegeta spoke Goku raised both his arms over his face. Even with his eyes closed and protected he could still discern a white glow penetrating his vision. He had to admit—he was impressed Vegeta was willing to use a technique that once debilitated him during their first fight together. The bright glow encapsulating the area faded several seconds later. "Dammit Vegeta, you could've given us a warning."

"Oww…" Yorick lay on his side on the ground. "I think you killed me, Vegeta. I can't see anymore."

Vegeta laughed with a little bit too much mirth in his voice. He grinned down at Yorick. "You'll get over it soon enough. Besides, I helped us out more than you ever could. I saw something a few miles from here. Let's move."

"Thanks. I guess." Yorick stood and dusted the caked snow off his pants. He swayed on his feet and raised his arm forward to balance himself. "Goku, will you carry me the rest of the way?"

"I'll do it." Vegeta tugged on Yorick's scarf so he fell backwards into the Prince's arms. The devious smile spreading across his face set alarm bells off in Goku's brain. "Kakarot won't take as good care of you as I can."

Yorick bit his lip. "Um, that's okay. Goku, don't you want to do it?"

Goku couldn't ignore his need to watch whatever Vegeta had in mind play itself out. "Nah. Vegeta will do a good job!"

"But—" Yorick's breath caught in his throat as Vegeta lifted him up off the ground. "Ugh. You're so _rough_. This is why I want Goku to carry me!"

"Trust me, you'll like it rough."

"Huh?"

Vegeta ignored him. He quickly wrapped Yorick's scarf around his entire head. Yorick screamed through the tight confines, which concerned Goku until Vegeta assured him he was fine. "If we can't even hear what he's saying he must be warm in there."

Goku nodded. "Cool. Lead the way."

The two Saiyans flew east at breakneck speed. The gentle flurry they'd grown comfortable with transformed into a full blizzard that threatened to toss them out of the sky. Despite the fact Vegeta could sense Goku's ki, he occasionally looked over his shoulder to make sure his mate was keeping up in the tumult. Goku flashed him a peace sign and a smile even though he was sure it went unnoticed.

Vegeta brought them above a dome of rock that loomed alone on the horizon. Goku skidded to a stop in the air. "Hey, Vegeta!" he screamed through the wind. "Are you sure you want to go inside?"

It was a strange question. He hadn't meant to ask it as if he were frightened. But the adrenaline rushing through his veins heightened his apprehension and reminded him of the feeling that usually washed over him right before a big fight. There wasn't a single trace of an energy signature inside of the strange fortress of rock, but his gut instinct told him to be wary.

Vegeta shouted something intelligible. He dropped from the sky and disappeared through a tiny hole in the rock.

Goku followed. All the howls of the blizzard were sucked away and replaced with a deafening silence. He landed on a soft patch of grass, the world around him dark. "This is creepy. You guys okay?"

"No, I am not oka—HEY!" Yorick shrieked. "Stop it, Vege—ahn—"

Goku stepped closer to them. Why'd it have to be pitch dark when whatever Vegeta was doing to Yorick was causing him to make such interesting sounds? "What are you two doin'?"

"Why don't you lead the way, Yorick?" Vegeta's gravelly voice made Goku forget all about the cold. "I don't like standing in the dark for too long. It's not safe."

" _You're_ not safe. Stop squeezing me there!"

"Where?" Goku asked. "Where is Vegeta squeezing you?"

"Goku, tell your fiancé to behave himself." The clatter of pebbles shifting across the ground signaled a struggle between the two. "He molested me the whole way here!"

"He did?" Goku cleared his throat. "I mean, he _did_? _Really_?" He hoped he sounded more offended the second time around.

"Vegeta! Stop grabbing my ass—I'm trying to lead us to the lake!" Yorick groaned. "Goku, please make him stop!"

"Oh." Goku laughed. "You, uh…shouldn't do that, Vegeta. I guess."

"How about you say it with more conviction, Kakarot?"

More rocks scattered across the ground, sending a soft echo throughout the cavern. "Pervert," Yorick spat. A soft patter of footsteps ran away from them farther into the darkness, and Goku followed them.

Vegeta's heavier gait approached his left, and Goku felt an arm link with his own. "Kakarot," he whispered, "do you want to fuck in here before we leave?"

"Why are you so horny today?" Goku walked in tandem with the smaller Saiyan and he wondered at what point in their lives they became so in sync. "And what do you mean? We do it with Yorick watching? I don't think he'd like that." _Plus I think my dick would freeze off in here._

"Don't play dumb. He's begging for me to teach him a lesson for being such a little shit, and I would be more than happy to oblige him."

 _Wait. Is he serious?_ Goku thanked Dende that Vegeta couldn't see the smirk on his face. "Is that so?"

Yorick shouted ahead of them in the cave. "Come here you two!"

Goku led Vegeta farther through the darkness. They inched through a narrow tunnel, Goku wondering if it was man made, and they entered an enormous cavern filled with light. Hundreds of feet above them two large holes pierced the top of the rock dome; in the far left hole the moon hung above them like a judgmental eye. Stranger yet was the frozen lake that filled most of the cave. An eerie light bloomed right below the surface of the ice.

Goku shivered. "Does anyone else feel like they've been here before?"

"Yes." Vegeta stared up at the moon. "Except I don't remember ever coming here until now. I also feel as if I'm being watched."

Yorick pointed up to the heavens. "Thousands of years of erosion caused those two openings to form. As you can see, it looks like a being is watching us when the moon is positioned like this. It's why this place is called 'The Eyes of God.'"

"What happened to the blizzard?" Vegeta said, returning his attention to Yorick. "We shouldn't even be able to see the sky this clearly. There isn't any snow falling in here either."

Yorick shrugged. "I think there's some sort of force field around this part of the cave that protects the lake."

"Creepy. So this place has something to do with time travel?" Goku ventured to tap the surface of the water with the toe of his boot. "Is it broken?"

"I don't know what determines when it's frozen or not. But legend goes that if you wade in the water you'll be transported either forward or backwards in time." Yorick crossed his arms and smirked as if proud of himself for being the locus of knowledge in their group. "And believe it or not, when I was a child a man did precisely that."

Goku bent down onto his knees to get a closer look at the surface of the ice. A force beckoned him to stare into its depths. "What happened to the man?" he asked, at this point only half-listening to Yorick.

"One day he came here and was lucky enough to find the lake was unfrozen. After swimming in the water he showed up in the middle of town two years later after having been missing the whole time."

Vegeta huffed. "That doesn't prove anything. Maybe he wandered off for two years."

"That's what some thought at first. Even so, he was so shocked by what happened he returned here the next day to see if the same thing would occur. But when he stepped into the water for the second time, he instead went backwards in time forty years."

"How do you know all of this?" Goku asked.

"Because when I was a child I remember seeing the missing man appear in the town square. I also saw with my own eyes the older version of himself coming to town to warn him never to return to this place. Unfortunately that only made the younger man more curious to see if a second trip would really send him back in time."

"So there were two of them that day." Vegeta smiled. "One old and one still young."

"Exactly. Now do you understand how horrible this place can be? No one else to my knowledge has returned here after learning what happened to him." Yorick turned away from them to stare into the lake. "Touching this water sealed his fate."

"Or it could still all be a crock of shit," Vegeta offered.

"I'm telling you, that's what happened. This is the only place in the world that would allow someone to travel through time, so I'm certain our mystery friend who left the photo used this place at some point. I was hoping maybe we could catch them in the act. But I'm not sure how we could coordinate something like that."

"Are you serious? They probably used a time machine." Vegeta stomped his heel into the ice. "This stupid thing isn't even _on_ right now. How reliable could it be for someone to use consistently?"

"Time machines don't exist, Vegeta."

"Actually," Goku said, "they do. It's complicated, but we saved the world once before from a creature that came from the future using a time machine. _And_ he was from a different timeline. When I think too hard about it I just get confused."

"Are you serious?" Yorick planted his hands on his hips. "You know someone who owns a time machine?

"Not in our timeline as of now. But Bulma could probably make one if we wanted her to."

Yorick tugged at his hair. "Why didn't you tell me this before I dragged you two out into the middle of nowhere? Ugh!" He paced in a circle, glaring at Vegeta even though he wasn't the one to set him off. "If someone came from the future they're probably using a time machine Bulma eventually builds!"

"Ooooh." Goku laughed. "That would be much easier, huh?"

While Yorick continued to yell expletives, Vegeta watched him with narrow eyes. "Tell me, Yorick. If this lake actually makes you travel in time, can it create alternate timelines as well?"

Yorick caught his breath. "I don't think so. But I don't know much about that."

"What's with all the beets?" Goku kicked his foot against one of the frozen vegetables sticking out of the rock-hard ground. "Did someone used to farm in here?"

"I have no idea." Yorick clicked his tongue. "Coming here was an absolute bust. I'm sorry I wasted your time."

"Don't worry about it. It was cool to come and…" Goku trailed off. In the lake his blurry reflection transformed into a clear image: himself, old and gray, with a huge smile on his face. A bushy mustache draped over his mouth. "Whoa. Come check this out!"

Vegeta dropped to his knees beside Goku. "Is that supposed to be you?

"I think so. Look, I'm old!" Goku touched the top of his hair and his reflection followed his lead. "What a trip. You should do it too, 'Geta."

Hesitating, Vegeta crawled forward on his hands and knees to look at his reflection in the lake. "I look the same age as I am now."

"Huh?" Goku inspected Vegeta's reflection. He _did_ look the same, except instead of wearing a parka he donned a thick scarf around his neck and a sweater. "That's weird. Do you think it means anything?"

"I don't know. But I don't like it."

Goku waved Yorick over. "You should look in the lake too and see what shows up."

Yorick obliged him, plopping down on his haunches to Goku's left. "It won't work. Vampires don't have refle— _what the hell_?"

Goku leaned closer to the ice to get a better look at Yorick's reflection. "Why is your head missing? And what's that dark stuff all over your chest?"

Vegeta stood up. "It's blood."

Goku didn't blame Yorick for running away and screaming. "We should probably leave, huh?" he said, smiling helplessly at Vegeta. "I don't like being here either."

"I think that would be for the best."

* * *

 _I don't want to believe it,_ Vegeta thought.

He stood next to Goku and Yorick. He half-heartedly listened to the vampire explain the importance of the meeting they were about to take part in. Earlier Goku had brought them back to the city and into the castle, which was almost as eerie as the lake. Currently they were huddled together in a dark hallway outside of the central castle chamber.

"What's wrong, Vegeta?" Goku's large eyes always got to Vegeta whenever he gave him a pleading look. "You look like something's heavy on your mind."

"It's nothing," the Prince said.

"Goku, please pay attention!" Yorick peeked through the slightly ajar door beside them. "The meeting is going to start in a minute. I need you to back me up whenever possible, okay?"

"Uh, alright. But I don't know what you mean by that."

"You'll see soon enough." Yorick looked at Vegeta and pointed down the hallway in the opposite direction. "You have to go. You're not allowed in here."

The normal annoyance Vegeta expected to rise within him never came. The pounding of his heart made him too anxious to care about Yorick's quibbling. His stomach spasmed and he worried he'd puke right then and there from all the doubts swirling around his mind. The chance to finally walk around outside— _alone_ —was a blessing. Keeping his composure after all those people had approached him earlier had been a miracle up to this point. "That's fine with me, Yorick. I'll just go sketch outside."

"Oh _nooo_. You shouldn't do that. Too many crazies outside. There are rooms in the south corridor you can go hang out in. You look tired, so maybe you can take a nap?"

Vegeta rolled his eyes. "How considerate of you. I'll do that instead."

"Hey." Goku caught Vegeta's chin in his hand. "I won't leave you alone for too long. Okay?"

Vegeta nodded. Goku leaned down and pecked him on the mouth, which of course couldn't happen without Yorick vocalizing his disapproval. For the briefest moment Vegeta wondered if Earth's savior could read his mind and understand the turmoil afflicting him. "I'm an adult, Kakarot. I can live without you around every second of the day."

"Of course. I'm the one who needs _you_ , after all." Goku grinned at Vegeta as Yorick dragged him into the room. The door closed and clicked with an air of finality behind them.

 _I don't want to believe it._ He broke into a run down the hall so that at least his body could keep up with his thoughts.

The trek from inside the castle to the front gates were a blur of shadows and flagstones. Outside the cold didn't bother him as much before. A horrible hotness came over him, rising from the pit of his stomach to the top of his head to muddle his thoughts even further.

Where had the tailor said her shop was located? West? Vegeta couldn't read the language on the signs whipping past him as he sprinted down the street. The people in the shadows shouted questions at him that became garbled and muffled in the wind tunnel he created. A storefront housing a mannequin caught his attention in his periphery; he turned and skidded to a stop so abrupt the snow under his boots sprayed in an arc against the front door.

He shoved the shop door open. A bell jingled above his head. The woman he recognized from earlier skittered out from behind a huge sewing machine.

"It's you! I knew you'd come." In the light her hoop skirt was more apparent. It swayed back and forth as she floated toward him. The thick braids crowning her brown face flowed down her back to the floor so that they dragged behind her heels. For being a vampire, her disposition was suspiciously buoyant and chipper. "I even made something for you while I waited," she said.

"You did?" All of a sudden Vegeta felt very stupid standing in the middle of a tailor shop trying to catch his breath. Why was he so out of it anyway?

"The name's Vanessa." She half-bowed before him. Now that he was closer to her, he noticed the difference in her accent compared to Yorick, Anya, and Boris.

"Um—I'm Vegeta." He hoped his blushing wasn't too apparent. "I'm Kaka—er, Goku's fiancé."

"Interesting. I see you're getting started early making a family, then."

"What do you mean?"

Vanessa's smooth trot across the floorboards toward the back of the shop convinced Vegeta her feet couldn't physically be touching the ground. A quick check of her boots confirmed she was gliding a fraction of an inch above the floor at all times. "You're going to have his child, right? What I'm about to show you will make for awkward conversation if you're having somebody _else's_ baby."

A short scream emitted from deep inside of him. The action was so involuntary he initially believed it was Vanessa who randomly yelled in the shop. She hadn't reacted to him, so he pretended it never happened. "Oh…I didn't know I was pregnant."

In the corner Vanessa withdrew a small clothes box from a larger pile. "Really? I guess that makes sense. You're not showing yet." She hovered back across the room. "Surprise! You're having a baby!" She giggled. "I hope that's good news instead of bad."

"Yes," Vegeta said, all the feeling leaving his body. "It is good news."

"Damn, you don't look so hot. Did you know vampires can easily sense pregnancy?"

"No."

"Really? Yorick didn't even tell you? Seems weird he wouldn't mention it at all."

"I think that's par for the course with him." Vegeta wasn't sure how much longer he could continue to stand in front of this woman and pretend he was okay.

"Anyhow, I know how fast babies grow, so your little one won't be able to wear this for too long. But it should be cute while it still fits." Vanessa opened the box and revealed a tiny footie made of white fur. "If you aren't from around here this'll look weird. But the animal fur keeps the cold out better than anything synthetic. There's even a hood on it." She balanced the box in one hand and used the other to tug on a pair of fox ears attached to the hood.

"I don't…" He was too afraid to touch it.

"Don't worry. You don't have to pay me a cent. I'll trade it for a favor down the road. How does that sound?"

He nodded.

Vanessa shoved the box into his chest. "It's yours now. See if Goku likes it too."

"I will."

* * *

"This is _sooo_ boring. Can I leave yet?"

"No, Goku! You have to stay!"

As expected, the council meeting was less interesting than watching paint dry. Anya and Boris had exchanged quick greetings with Goku before beginning, but they otherwise had little interest in him. Besides Anya and Yorick, everyone sitting at the table used to be a prisoner with him in the past. Around twenty people stared back at him with curious eyes. "Why aren't there more vampires here?" Goku whispered to Yorick.

Everyone sat around a marble table nowhere large enough to make whispering to one another inconspicuous. "Goku—do you have something you want to say to everyone?" Anya asked.

"Uh. Not really. Actually, I _was_ wondering why Yorick and you are the only vampires here." He shrugged his shoulders. "Mostly vampires live in the city, right? Shouldn't there be more of them in a meeting like this?"

Across the table Boris's mustache bristled from his heavy breathing. "You haven't been here for several months and all you can do is criticize what we've built?"

"Now, now," Anya said, "Goku makes a good point. He reminded me of an issue that hasn't been addressed on the agenda for a long time." Anya's gentle voice calmed the Saiyan's irritation over Boris's dissent. "Vegeta's yet to show his painting in the gallery we own. I think we should schedule a showing soon. It would be a good opportunity for Goku to fulfill his duties as ambassador and scout for someone there to replace him. Preferably a new vampire who can relate to the ones that live here."

"What?" Yorick shouted. "That doesn't make any sense. And Goku should keep his position."

Goku shrugged. "Sounds like a good idea to me. If I'm honest I don't like coming here often."

"Goku. Please." Yorick grabbed his hand under the table. "Don't leave. If you do you won't have any say in how things are run here at all."

"I don't think I should have a say. And at least this way I can find somebody more qualified, right?" He pulled his hand from Yorick's grasp. "It sounds like a smart idea to me."

"But an ambassador is supposed to be someone who represents the people of our country." Yorick turned his pleading eyes to Anya. "Why not at least choose someone who lives here and cares about this place? Like Hector?"

"Have you forgotten that Goku is a foreigner too? We need someone like him who's from elsewhere but would be willing to relocate and help mediate the conflict between the humans and vampires in Cortasia." Anya spoke in a smooth tone that surprised Goku. He wasn't sure how she kept her cool all of the time. "And besides, no one's seen Hector in months." She sifted through a yellowed logbook on the table. "I think the gallery premiere would be a perfect place to meet people interested in our wellbeing."

"And there will be important people there who don't harbor hatred for us already," Boris added.

"People hate you guys already?" Goku wished he could go back in time and hold his tongue. "Erm, I mean, do you guys already have problems with other countries?"

Anya dipped her head in Boris's direction. "'Hate' is a strong word."

"On a weekly basis our own countrymen come to the city gates with torches and threats to burn the place down," Boris said. "We all believed Anya giving up her mortality would be a strong enough reason for the humans here to trust the vampires. But not quite."

Goku rubbed his chin. "Did you do something to make them upset, Yorick?"

"What? Why are you blaming me?" Yorick said while pouting. "Everyone _I_ know is perfectly fine with integrating with mortals to keep the peace. We even gave up drinking blood as often to make you guys feel comfortable."

Boris leaned his hulking body across the table to look deeper into Yorick's eyes. "That's not enough. You people don't help make it hospitable for my countrymen to visit the city at all."

"Who are you calling 'you people'?!"

"Take the new gas lamps for example," Boris said while pounding his fists on the table. "Why can't you just walk beneath them like a normal person would?"

"It's because we don't want everyone to know where we are all of the time. Why is that so hard to understand?" Yorick crossed his arms and curled his upper lip. The look was so classic Vegeta that Goku momentarily believed it was really him sitting at the table. "Sometimes I wonder how you can hate vampires so much when your own _wife_ is one!"

"The whole reason we have meetings at night is so we can accommodate both you _and_ my wife!"

"Big whoop. You want a medal for pushing your bedtime back by a measly hour or two?"

A man at the end of the table raised his hand. "Does anyone want to vote to execute Yorick for being too annoying?"

"I do."

"Me too."

"Aye."

 _This escalated quickly,_ Goku thought _._ He patted Yorick on the head. "Don't you think you guys are being harsh toward him? He's harmless."

"He's a right bastard and I'm tired of him being around. Let's kill 'im," urged a man with a dragon tattoo covering his face.

"It's settled then," Boris said. "Yorick dies at dawn."

All of the blood rushed from Goku's face. "You're kidding!"

Raucous laughter filled the room. Even Boris's rigid face softened, and soon he too burst into laughter. Only Anya stared across the table at Goku and Yorick with pursed lips. Goku scratched his head as realization dawned on him. "You all _are_ kidding."

"Yes, Goku," Yorick said deadpan. "My death is funny to them."

Goku leaned his head over the back of his chair. Maybe it was a bad idea for Yorick to be part of the council at all. Behind him a window looked out onto a courtyard covered in white dust. Across the courtyard on the second floor was a twin set of windows that peered into a corridor. In one of those windows a small figure jumped up and down while waving its arms.

"Who's that? Some crazy person?" Yorick asked. He'd been staring at Goku the whole time and held the same interest in the stranger trying to catch their attention.

Goku rose from his chair. "I think…it's Vegeta."

He walked up to the window and pressed his hands against the glass. Vegeta had given up on his waving. He traced letters with his fingers through the frost on his window pane. The laughter in the room died down once everyone noticed Goku and Yorick's interest had turned away from the table.

"What's he writing?" Boris asked.

"I'm not sure. Why is he all the way over there anyway?" Goku squinted his eyes. "And I think he's writing in another language, which is weird."

"If he came through the south entrance it makes sense why he's on that side." Yorick sighed. "I'm sure whatever he has to tell you isn't that important."

"I'll just call him." Goku pulled out his phone and attempted to call Vegeta, but he couldn't get any reception through the castle walls. After trying one more time and failing, he looked up again to see Vegeta had finished writing his message in huge block letters:

**TNANGERP M'I**

"I don't get it." Goku tilted his head. "Tee…nan…gerp. M'eye?"

Yorick slid down the length of the wall to the floor. "Goddammit."

"Goku! Congratulations!" Anya said while clapping her hands.

All the members of the council except for Yorick crowded around him to slap him on the back. All the physical contact weirded him out. "Huh? What did I do?"

"Over time I've learned to stop questioning things about you I don't understand. So I'll just say congratulations as well." Boris's clap on Goku's back made the Saiyan double over. "Well done."

"I don't know what you're talking about, but thanks. I guess." Goku squinted at Vegeta's distant silhouette again to see it was stomping its feet against the floor and flailing its arms around. "He looks angry. I wonder why."

Yorick looked up at him with more sadness than Goku had ever seen him express before. "Read it backwards."

"Backwards? Oh, that makes a lot more sense. So it actually says, 'I'm pregnant.'" He blinked. "Wait— _what!_ "

Anya had to speak in his ear twice to get his attention. "Goku, won't this be your third child? What a blessing that will be!"

Without thinking twice, Goku pressed his fingers to his forehead. He arrived a few feet away from his mate.

* * *

At the same moment Goku appeared before Vegeta, a horrible shiver climbed up the Prince's spine. He was uncertain of the last time a mixture of fear and pleasure wracked his senses to the point where his vision blurred. He touched his cheek. Moisture stained his fingertips. _Ah. That explains why I can't see._

The out-of-focus man strode toward him. "Is it true?" he asked.

Vegeta wiped away the wetness in his eyes. "I just came back from the tailor and she made me this." He picked up the small box he'd placed on the floor earlier. He opened the lid and tilted its contents toward Goku. "And she said that vampires can tell if someone is…" Vegeta's eyebrows rose at his sudden loss of words.

Goku's face, now only a few inches away, stared blankly into the box. "They can tell? Even this early?"

Vegeta nodded. He closed the box and placed it back on the ground. It was too much to look his mate in the face with him being so close and looking so astonished. Slowly, he clenched his fists at his sides. He wasn't sure what to do with them. He wasn't sure what to do with the rest of his body either. Again, a shiver took hold of him.

"Does this mean we're going to have a baby?"

"Yes, Kakarot."

Goku hopped forward and wrapped his arms around Vegeta's neck. His legs followed, and Vegeta hooked his arms beneath his rear to catch him before he fell to the floor. Shouts from his partner filled the hallway—unintelligible gibbering filled with joy that Vegeta longed to share in—but he couldn't wrest his cheek away from Goku's warm shoulder for anything. He wanted to cry, or laugh, or scream, but Goku was content to do all three for him.

"Vegeta!" Goku pulled down his mate's hood and kissed the crown of his head. "Vegeta, Vegeta…" He'd lost count of how many times he heard his name echo down the hallway.

* * *

Half an hour later the Saiyans and the whole council congregated in a tavern near the outskirts of town. Much to Vegeta's relief the locale was human-owned, which meant a full kitchen with plenty of food was available to suit his and Goku's needs. The afterglow of learning about his good news left Vegeta in a heightened state of bliss that affected his memory. One moment he remembered getting pushed into a booth beside Goku while a giant platter filled with lamb meat was shoved into his face. After that he blacked out. When he became aware again and looked around the table, he saw everyone else had downed several shots of clear liquor without him noticing. The patchy blush across Goku's face warned him he may have to play babysitter later on in the night.

"How do you feel now that you're going to be a father again?" Boris yelled at Goku. He then leaned over the table and poured a sloppy line of vodka into the row of empty shot glasses in front of them.

"It feels great. Especially since Vegeta did such a good job takin' one fer the team." Goku flung his arm over Vegeta's shoulders. "I mean, you shoulda seen it. He sprayed _everywhere_."

Vegeta choked on the piece of lamb meat sliding down his throat. "Don't be lewd!" he coughed.

"I'm sorry 'Geta. I'm just so excited 'cause it took us so long to make it happen." Goku struggled through a mouthful of slurring. "For a second I didn't think it would work but yer dad told me to put you upside down and that seemed ta do the trick."

Vegeta clenched his eyes shut. "You spoke with my father about this?"

"Ya. He told me all about the squirting and—"

Anya talked over Goku to save Vegeta from any further embarrassment. "Vegeta, do you want a girl or boy?"

The Prince savored the fat oozing from the meat in his mouth a few seconds longer. "Hmph. I'm fine with either."

"He wants a girl!" Goku screamed. "He thinks it would be cute to raise one."

Anya cooed. "Aw, that's so sweet!"

"Are you going to tell everyone our business tonight?" Vegeta asked while pinching Goku's thigh under the table.

"Yes!" Goku picked up his shot glass. "Are we going to do this again or what?"

Everyone drained their shots in one gulp. Boris slammed his glass against the table and it shattered to pieces. "Ah, shit. I'll just drink straight out of the bottle then."

The man with the dragon tattoo whisper-shouted at Goku. "Does it feel good to—"

"Have sex with a man? YES!"

"I was going to say be a father," the man said. "There's this woman I'm courting and I was wondering—"

"It feels _sooo_ good," Goku continued. "Especially with Vegeta 'cause he has a really tight ass even after I've fucked it so many times."

Anya clutched at an invisible necklace of pearls around her neck. "Goku!"

Vegeta lifted his plate into the air. "Can someone get me more food?"

Another round of cooked meats and drinks were brought to the table. Goku's foul mouth continued to run, but it didn't bother Vegeta too much. Finally they shared the same sense of excitement for the future he'd craved for so long. And even while Goku was wasted out of his mind, he would occasionally hug and kiss Vegeta, or stare at him for minutes at a time with a proud grin. When Goku leaned in for another kiss, Vegeta met him halfway, enjoying the lingering taste of tart liquor on his lips.

Anya clapped her hands together for the umpteenth time that night. The older woman obviously hadn't been so excited in a long while. "Vegeta. I know now isn't the time or place to speak business, but I wanted to let you know I'd like to plan your gallery showing soon."

 _Gallery showing_? He searched the crevices of his mind for any hint as to what she meant. "Do you mean my replacement painting?"

"Yes. Would you like the unveiling to happen sooner or later?"

"Sooner. I don't want to focus on anything else while I'm pregnant."

Goku butted into the conversation. "What about our weddin'?"

"We can do that soon too. Before I get too fat."

"Vegeta's going to get fat!" Goku hugged the Prince again. "I can't wait!"

Anya sighed. "Aw, you two are too cute. Don't you agree, Yorick?"

Vegeta hadn't even noticed the vampire had been sulking at the end of the table the whole time. He held his liquor well and still spoke clearly even though his face was red. "Yeah, they're real cute." Suddenly, he slid out from under the table. "Excuse me."

Curiosity got the best of Vegeta. He shoved several people down the length of the booth so he could escape and follow Yorick across the tavern. Behind him Goku shouted something that the Prince figured would embarrass him further if he bothered to stop and listen. Yorick shuffled past the tavern's fireplace all the way to the corner of the room where an old woman sat nursing a pint of beer. Beside her sat Vanessa.

"Hey you two." Vanessa waved her arm toward the opposite side of their booth. "It get too boring over there?"

"If only," Yorick mumbled. He sat down across from the women.

Vegeta followed his lead. Yorick scooted an extra few inches away from him. Nothing the vampire did could possibly piss him off at this point. Vegeta was on cloud nine—which meant he could do whatever he wanted and everyone had to listen to his every word. "Why," Vegeta said, "did you not tell me I was pregnant?"

"Oh, _please_. Like you would've believed me if I told you."

"This have anything to do with your son?" Vanessa blew across the surface of the tea cup in her hands. "Or do you just hate Vegeta?"

Yorick jabbed his thumb in Vegeta's direction. "You know him already?"

She winked. "Yep. He stopped by and picked up the _cutest_ baby clothes made by a very talented seamstress."

"Gross."

Vegeta wasn't sure what to think of the nervous jiggling of Yorick's thigh under the table. He forced his palm down over the vampire's knee. "For fuck's sake. Calm down."

The touch made Yorick react with a jolt. "D-don't touch me! I came over here to talk to Vanessa's mother to help you out, but instead you want to waste my time by being a pervert!"

Vegeta hadn't done anything perverted at all. But it was interesting Yorick took the gesture as such. He removed his hand. "Fine. Go ahead."

Yorick cleared his throat. "Ms. Vanhom, this is Vegeta. He's Goku's fiancé. And despite biology, they're also going to have a child together soon."

Vanessa leaned over into the elderly woman's ear and spoke in a language foreign to Vegeta. Milky white film covered Ms. Vanhom's eyes, but they turned to stare at the Prince. She barked a garbled mishmash of strange syllables at him.

"Nana wants to know how a man can get pregnant," Vanessa translated.

"That's not important to know right now," Yorick said with a heavy sigh. He turned to the old woman again. "I have a newspaper clipping I think is from the future. I know hundreds of years ago you used to run a printing press. I'd like to show it to you and see if you can make any sense of it." Yorick withdrew the clipping from his pocket and slid it across the table.

Vanessa translated Yorick's words to Ms. Vanhom again. The old woman grasped the photo between her gnarled fingers. Once more, she stared at Vegeta and yelled at him.

Vanessa spoke again. "She said that the picture isn't from any issue of newspaper she's ever seen."

"That makes sense," Vegeta said in as polite of a tone possible.

Ms. Vanhom broke into laughter. She lowered her voice and spoke at Vegeta again. Vanessa squirmed in her seat, took a long sip of tea, and then exhaled. "This will sound strange. But she wants to know if the person who gave you this picture is Vegeta's child?"

The Prince's stomach dropped. "What?"

"She can read the writing on the back?" Yorick asked.

"Of course I can," Ms. Vanhom wheezed. "I'm not an idiot."

"You can understand what we're saying?" Yorick clawed at his scalp. "I thought this whole time—"

"I don't like talking to people. So I make Vanessa do it for me."

"That's shocking and all," Vegeta said, "but I'm more concerned about what you just told us." He sorted through the thoughts in his head fitting together like a jigsaw puzzle. "What do you mean when you say you want to know if my _child_ gave me the photo? I'm barely pregnant as it is." The new information was hard to swallow. And if he had to admit it, all day he'd wondered if the time traveler had been someone who knew him. He'd never allow a child of his to call him 'Mom,' so he was still skeptical of their identity. But if his future son or daughter _had_ went through the trouble to come back in time, why would they avoid speaking with him? Even Future Trunks at least talked to him before revealing his real identity to all of the people fighting Cell. But Vegeta hadn't seen hide nor hair of…

_Kakarot. Kakarot has seen our child. The night with the burglar—!_

Ms. Vanhom spoke up again. "Vegeta. Your child from the future gave this to you, correct? That is why it says 'Mom' on the back."

Yorick nodded. "I thought that too."

"You never told me that." Vegeta wondered if he should have been angrier at Yorick for not expressing his suspicion sooner. But like he'd said earlier, Vegeta probably wouldn't have believed him if it came from _his_ mouth.

"While I'm happy to listen to Vegeta's thoughts about how wrong he's finally realizing he is, I wanted to ask a favor of you, Ms. Vanhom." Yorick leaned across the table to gently place his hands atop hers. "I have a feeling that something bad will happen to Vegeta in the future. And I believe as long as this picture is never taken, maybe it won't happen. Can you promise me you'll never start a newspaper again just to be safe?"

Ms. Vanhom laughed. "Once again, you think I am stupid. I know this is you in the picture, as well as your son. As of now there is no technology that allows vampires to be photographed. But if such a wondrous thing is possible, of course I will start a paper again. How can I miss out on that?"

Yorick's jaw dropped. "Wait. You can't do that. Before I talked to you, you didn't even think about starting another paper!"

"I know. Isn't that funny how that works?" She tapped the writing on the photo. "This says the future is inevitable. Who am I to fight our destiny?"

"But—but that's not fair!"

"Sorry Yorick," Vanessa said while quirking her mouth. "I'm interested in this new photographing technology too. It sounds pretty cool."

Yorick pushed at Vegeta's side. The Prince jumped out of the way, wondering if Yorick wanted to fight him; instead Yorick made a beeline for the front door.

"Yikes." Vanessa sipped at her tea.

Ms. Vanhom grumbled. "What an angry little boy."

"It makes sense. After you've been alive as long as he has, you start to go a little crazy. Right, Nana?"

"My mind is still sharp. Don't be smart. Say something like that again and I'll cut your tongue right out of your mouth."

"Oh Nana, you're so funny."

Vegeta jogged outside. The air pinched at the tips of his ears, reminding him to pull his hood back up over his head. Several feet away Yorick paced a circle in the snow while muttering under his breath.

"I feel so stupid. I shouldn't have said anything at all." He lifted his arms above his head. "I don't even know why I bother trying sometimes!"

Vegeta caught his wrist in his hand. "Relax. If you're so concerned about the picture, all Kakarot and I have to do is make sure we never come back to this place. Which I'd be happy to do."

Yorick stood with his back facing Vegeta. "I just have a horrible feeling you're going to get hurt. And then Goku will be heartbroken. I'd never be able to live with myself after that."

"I thought you'd be happy if I was out of the picture."

Yorick snatched his wrist from Vegeta's grip. "Why do you think so little of me?"

"You're selfish, mean, weird, and perverted." Vegeta laughed. "And stupid."

"Pah. At least the reasons I have for hating you are actually reasonable."

"Oh really?"

"Yeah, _really_." Yorick spun around in the snow to face him. "It's true that if you weren't around I could maybe have more time with Goku. But he loves you. There's nothing I can do about that." He looked down at his hands with a look of confusion on his face. "But since he loves you that means I have to make sure nothing awful happens to you. Especially if it has something to do with me. For the rest of your measly lives I'm going to be paranoid one of you will drop dead for some stupid reason. If that happens and there was anything I could do about it, I don't think I could handle it."

Vegeta rubbed the bottom of his nose. "That's fair."

"Really?"

"Yes. But why do you like Kakarot so much?"

"He saved my life once."

"If every person he's saved fell for him, he'd have a harem by now." Vegeta smirked. "An incredibly large harem at that."

Yorick didn't look amused at learning this fact. "Whatever. I'm heading back to the castle. If you're going to stick to your promise to never return, tell Goku I said goodbye. This place isn't safe for pregnant people anyway—"

"We're staying the night."

Yorick shoved his hands into his pockets and kicked at the ground. "Why?"

"I think he's too drunk to take us back home. He also gets horny after drinking."

Yorick blushed. "He does?"

"Yes." Vegeta pointed at the castle. "So I'm going to fuck him in there. Are you still offering your room for him to sleep in?"

"Wait. Aren't _you_ going to stay here too?"

"That's right."

"Um," Yorick said, completely dumbfounded as how to interpret what Vegeta asked of him. "I…ah…maybe have extra room for you two."

"Great," Vegeta said. Much to his wicked delight, Yorick turned an even darker shade of red. "Do you sleep in a bed or a coffin?"

"Um, I have both?"

Vegeta stepped forward. "I was joking about the coffin."

A loud clattering filled the night air, followed by a short yell. "Aaaay, Vegetaaah!"

 _Nice timing, Kakarot_. Vegeta walked up to his mate just in time to catch him before he stumbled headfirst into the snow. In one quick movement he launched Goku onto his back. Thank God the big oaf had the sense of mind to wrap his arms around Vegeta's neck before sliding back onto the ground. "Kakarot. You're fucking wasted."

"I kn _oooo_ w that." Goku hiccupped.

"I'm going to take you into the castle so you can sober up some. Then I'll put you to bed."

"Aww. I wanted to have sex 'Geta."

"That's what I meant."

"Oh. Cool! I was hopin' I could put another baby in you, if you know what I mean."

Yorick looked absolutely horrified. "I'm going back to my room in the castle." He dashed away into the distance.

Another hiccup made Goku's chest jump. "Why's he actin' so weird?"

"Shouldn't you know? He's _your_ friend."

Goku scratched the side of his head. "Ah shit, Vegeta. Weren't we supposed tah meet Bulma today? To…talk about the weddin' or somethin'?"

"Holy shit, Kakarot. You sound country as hell when you're drunk."

"Naw, that's not true!"

Vegeta cackled. "I'm surprised you remembered our meeting with Bulma at all. But she can wait one more day." Vegeta gnawed on his bottom lip. When would be the best time to talk to Goku about their child? And not just the one growing inside of him, but the one causing mischief from the future. Was there even anything they could do about knowing the time traveler's real identity?

All Vegeta knew was that for the time being Goku was too far gone to have any reasonable conversations with. In a way he was thankful their future discussion had to be put on hold. He was still high on the fumes of his pregnancy reveal and had little interest in any more brainteasers. He rose into the air and made sure to keep Goku's head level with the ground. _Fuck. I hope he didn't drink so much that he'll puke if I fly._

An all-too-familiar drop in air pressure made Vegeta's ears pop. The thought of outrunning his father was appealing, but he figured he had to face him sometime. Slowly he lowered himself back to the earth, the fresh snow crunching beneath his boots. King Vegeta appeared before him with a face-splitting smile on his face. **"My son."**

"Father." Vegeta turned his head to kiss Goku's cheek. "I'm sorry you have to see my mate like this."

" **He** _ **should**_ **be celebrating! He got you pregnant after all!"** The Saiyan king slapped Goku on the back, which knocked both him and Vegeta over into the snow.

"Goddamit. Don't do that!" Vegeta shrieked. Goku was a dead weight on top of him. "How did you find out anyway?"

" **I just decided to check in on you, and I heard the good news from all those colorful people in that building. I'm so excited for you both!"** King Vegeta looked up into the sky, sighing. **"A real Saiyan baby! And a proper heir to my throne. I thought I'd never see the day in my lifetime."**

 _But you didn't see it during your lifetime, old man._ Vegeta stood and balanced himself beneath Goku's weight again. "Yeah, yeah. It's magical alright."

" **Don't pretend like you weren't crying for the past four months about this pregnancy."**

"Fuck you."

Goku raised his weary head up to look at King Vegeta. "Whoa! Hey Dad!"

Vegeta raised his right brow. "'Dad'?"

"Yeah. He wants me to call him that."

" **Kakarot. Well done on getting my son pregnant. I noticed you didn't completely turn Vegeta upside down after ejaculating inside of him, but it seems that what you** _ **did**_ **do worked well enough."**

"You watched us while we had sex?" Vegeta rose into the air again. "I _told_ you never to do that again. And you promised you wouldn't!"

" **You're acting like it's such a big deal. You should be thanking me for teaching Goku how to put his seed inside of you."**

Vegeta flew away. "You never listen to anything I say!"

" **Stop running away. We need to talk about the name for the baby."**

"No!"

" **If it's a boy, you'll name him after me. Right?"**

"Of course not!"

" **If it's a girl—"**

"Shut-up!"

"I think we should name the baby Vegito," Goku screamed.

"What the fuck? After our fusion?"

"Yeah, 'cause that's what our baby would be. A fusion of the both of us!"

" _No_ , Kakarot." Vegeta looked down the street ahead of them. If he hurried, he could fly to the castle doors in less than a minute and hopefully lose his father in the process.

" **Vegeta, before you go I want to say I'm proud of you for squirting as much as you did. It basically ensured your pregnancy!"**

"Oh my God, leave me alone!"

" **Be careful though…if you do it too often…you might put Kakarot's eye out…"** The king's ghostly voice faded away as Vegeta increased the distance between them.


	7. Part Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bless BringingYaoiBack for beta reading this for me. Enjoy!
> 
> And for the love of god, read the warning tags.

 

For the first time after settling in his castle chamber four months ago, Yorick lit the aged logs in his fireplace in anticipation of visitors. He prayed to whatever god listening that the chimney was free of any blockage. It would make for an awkward evening if everyone died of smoke inhalation.

Maybe he should call the whole thing off. Jumping out of one of the stained glass windows lining the room was a safer alternative to what Vegeta had in store for him that night. Only ten minutes ago Yorick had gathered the courage to dip into the Prince's thoughts. Lascivious ideas swam across the surface of his mind: perverted, naughty things involving the taking of Yorick's well-guarded virginity. Poor Yorick was nothing like Vegeta; he would never dream of doing such disgusting things with another person.

 _Except maybe with Goku_ , he thought. _That would be hot._

He paced in front of the fireplace. Would Vegeta honestly be willing to share his fiancé for the night? It was within the realm of possibility that Vegeta would swing by his room, utterly Goku-less, and pin Yorick to the bed to have his way with him. Instead of tenderly removing Yorick's clothes, Vegeta would tear them straight off of his body and fling them to the corner. And even though Vegeta wasn't a vampire, Yorick had noticed his sharp canine teeth, which he'd certainly use to scrape across the vampire's sensitive nipples. An ass grab and bite on his neck later, Vegeta would shove his cock down Yorick's throat and demand a blow job. Good thing Yorick had sucked Yamcha's dick the day before and thus could likely handle whatever Vegeta was packing in his boxer shorts.

All the various scenarios of how Vegeta could make him beg for cock made him uncomfortable in more ways than one. Thank goodness his sweater was long enough to cover the part of his body that betrayed his thoughts on the matter. He didn't need Vegeta thinking he wanted to have sex with him. Not only was it a strange notion, but it was completely untrue.

In fact, Yorick had been very careful to not have sex with anyone after the one time he had intercourse with his wife. _Intercourse. That's a great way to describe it_. He'd done a few naughty things with men before, but never in the nude. No one had ever convinced him it was worth it to strip down and bare his body to the world.

The rug beneath his boots frayed due to his frantic pacing. What was he supposed to do while he waited for the Saiyans to arrive? Sighing, he peeled his eyes away from the crackling fire to look around his room.

"Aw, crap." Yorick had grown so accustomed to the state of his room that all of its strange "accruements" were normal to him. But to anyone else the dozens of leather whips, belts, and leashes hanging by hooks over the canopy bed would be alarming. It would take forever to pull them down. Yorick decided he'd whip out a lie about owning a dog if either of the men badgered him about it.

Nervousness got the best of him. He spun on his heel and scrutinized the rest of his belongings. The grand piano and violin sitting out in the open were just as auspicious as the paraphernalia adorning the walls. Quickly he grabbed onto the violin and thrust it beneath the bed. It was impossible to shove the piano even farther into the shadows, so he settled on throwing a large sheet over it. If questioned he'd simply claim it came with the room. That was another lie. But at least it was more believable than the one about the dog.

The roar of the fire couldn't silence the pounding of his pulse in his ears. An ancient chest of drawers sat opposite of his bed; it was innocuous except for the large cardboard box perched atop it. He dashed across the room and peeked inside of it, even though he knew exactly what it held and why it needed to be hidden from sight as quickly as possible. On the surface sat a noose and a few plastic bags arranged in such a way as to incite questioning from any nosy person happening to look upon them. Right below those toys lay a folded leather cat suit.

Good thing he had a wardrobe that could hide the sinful treasure trove. He shoved the box deep into the recesses of the standing closet and slammed the doors shut.

The only strange item left in sight was his coffin, which sat smack dab in the middle of the room. Yorick never once slept in the canopy bed that came with the room. Sleeping on such a large mattress made him lonely. The coffin was a cozier, safer alternative, and had lasted an impressive three centuries in his care.

But they couldn't have sex inside of it. That was his sacred space. Coffins were meant for sleeping in and beds were made for fucking. Leaning beside the bed frame was a wicker cane, which he picked up and repeatedly beat the mattress with. A cloud of dust rose from the duvet and filled his lungs. His coughing fit sent him spiraling to the floor to catch his breath. _Where did I put my inhaler?_

A loud pounding rattled his door. He squeaked. _How did they get here so fast?_ He bounded across the room and stopped short right as his hand touched the doorknob. He didn't have any time make sure the rest of his room was okay, or that _he_ looked okay, or—

"Are you in there or not?" Vegeta's hoarse voice shattered his nerves worse than the knocking did.

"Y-yeah. Hold on a second." He inhaled. Whatever happened next would likely change his relationship with both of the Saiyans forever.

* * *

Vegeta propped up a half-asleep Goku against his shoulder. Yorick's door opened painstakingly slow. The vampire was paler than usual. "Hi," he said with a tremor in his voice.

"You could have told me where your room was. Kakarot led me in the wrong direction three times before we found the right door." The sweat coating Yorick's brow filled him with concern. "What's your deal? You want to screw, right?"

Yorick's eyebrows raised and furrowed together as if he'd never heard of such a thing as three men fucking at the same time. "When did I say that?"

"It was written all over your face all day long."

"That's not true!"

Vegeta rolled his eyes. For some reason the vampire was playing hard to get. Or was just plain stupid. "I'm not here to argue. Kakarot needs a nap. Will you let him crash on your bed?"

Yorick's eyes lit up at the mention of Goku. Vegeta wasn't surprised Yorick could barely keep up his innocent act for longer than a few seconds at a time. His licked his lips. "Of course he can. Come in."

Vegeta dragged Goku across the floor, the rug getting caught beneath his heavy boots. He tossed his mate on top of the sheets. Goku yawned, oblivious to his surroundings, and pulled his knees to his chest. Vegeta wondered if he should free Goku from the prison that was his winter coat, but a chill hung over the room despite the lit fireplace. After Goku opened and closed his mouth a few times with a loud smack, he fell into a quiet snore. Vegeta leaned against the side of the bed and set his sights on Yorick.

The vampire was an absolute mess. His pallor had been replaced with a blush and his fingers twiddled together into knots. At least his shyness suited him better than his usual bad temper. "How long is Goku going to sleep for?" he asked.

"Hopefully not for too long." The Prince shed his coat and let it drop to the floor. Yorick stepped backwards, perhaps anticipating Vegeta was going to strip completely. "Calm down. What are you so afraid of?"

"I don't know what to do until Goku wakes up."

"We're going to have sex."

Yorick clung to his scarf. "B-but I thought—um, I thought we were going to…"

Vegeta twirled his wrist to goad Yorick to complete his thought. "You thought we were going to do what?"

"Do it together. At the same time." Yorick bit his lip as if caught saying a dirty word.

Now that Vegeta was studying him, he looked so innocent with his eyes wide with apprehension. Had all of the leery gazes and lewd remarks he made toward his mate been for show? With all of his stuttering and stammering, all doubts about whether or not he and Goku had fucked before were erased from Vegeta's mind. Would Yorick even know what to do with Goku if the man had been moaning and writhing on his bed instead of muttering nonsense in his sleep? Just as a test, Vegeta unbuckled his pants. Instantly Yorick screamed and backed himself into the coffin standing in the middle of the room.

Rolling his eyes, Vegeta hopped onto the bed. As long as he kept his distance for now, maybe the creature wouldn't act so…odd. To save Yorick further embarrassment of being looked upon, Vegeta focused on kicking his boots off and massaging his frozen feet. Peeking out from under the bed was the unmistakable neck of a stringed instrument. "What's this, Yorick?" He poked the object with his big toe. "Are you a musician?"

The innocent query disturbed Yorick enough that he rushed toward the bed with the intention to push the offensive object away from view. "This is nothing. Don't look at it!"

"You have BDSM toys littered on the walls without a care, but you thought an instrument was worth hiding?" Vegeta snatched Yorick's hand from midair before it could reach the violin. "I'm not letting you go until you answer my question."

Yorick squirmed in his grasp. "It's none of your business!"

"Stop your yelling or you'll wake Kakarot up." Vegeta tugged Yorick across the short distance separating them. His captive whined at them being so close together, but Vegeta silenced him with a quick peck on the mouth.

Yorick looked as if he wanted to scream bloody murder. Even though he was stunned into silence, Vegeta kissed him again. The contact between them was still chaste, their lips never parting, but Vegeta pressed harder into the vampire until he whimpered. Slowly Vegeta pulled away to see his handiwork: a dark red rose to his soon-to-be lover's cheeks.

"So?" Vegeta asked.

Yorick licked his lips. "So what?"

"Are you or aren't you a musician?"

Yorick blinked himself out of his trance. He grabbed at his own waist, where he found Vegeta rubbing slow circles against his hips. "What are you doing to me?" he asked in a whisper.

"Don't mind me."

"Ah…I used to play a long time ago."

"Are you any good at it?"

Under the Prince's ministrations Yorick fought off a soft moan building in his chest. "Mmhm."

"How good?"

Yorick grasped onto Vegeta's shoulders and squeezed on the muscle. He panted softly while gazing into Vegeta's eyes. "I've written several symphonies."

So. The pest did have a purpose in life other than pining away at Vegeta's mate. Or at least he used to. "Do you still play?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"There's no point to it anymore."

Vegeta stilled his hands. The way the man said it didn't sit right with him. "But you play when you're alone?"

"Sometimes."

Vegeta grasped onto his ass. Hard. A wanton moan escaped from Yorick's lips. It was the first time Vegeta heard him express his dire in earnest, the sound sending a jolt down his spine and straight to his crotch. Vegeta purred. "Do you have any other talents?"

Yorick's blush intensified. "I used to sing, too."

Vegeta cackled. The sharp ring of his laughter disturbed Goku's sleep; the larger Saiyan kicked Vegeta square in the back before repositioning himself into a comfortable position again. The punishment brought a tear to Vegeta's eye. Goku mumbled in his slumber. "I want…sandwiches, baby. Mm…"

Vegeta winced at the circle of pain radiating from the small of his back. "Fuck. Kakarot isn't safe to be around when he's like this. Let's go to your second bed."

All of Vegeta's effort toward seducing the man in his arms went to waste as Yorick paled at the mention of his coffin. "We can't!"

"Why not? You sleep in there, don't you? Is it not good enough to fuck in?"

Yorick balked. "It's just for sleeping! And there isn't room, and, uh, I don't think I'm ready to do this and I'm really only interested in Goku and I'm not attracted to you at all—"

Slowly, Vegeta rubbed his palm between Yorick's legs. The vampire gasped at the pressure traveling up and down his shaft in languid strokes. In his hand Vegeta felt the erection strain against Yorick's pants zipper. He smiled. "You're hard for me."

"I'm not!"

"Oh? Then who are you bursting out of your pants for?" The Prince wasn't so deviant as to force the fool into having sex with him, but he'd never seen someone in such denial of wanting a good fuck in his entire life. "How about this. For every piece of clothing I take off of you, I'll do the same for me. Does that sound good?"

Yorick bit his lip again. He looked down at Vegeta's chest, all shy again. "I'm not sure."

If Yorick was going to be such a pansy when it came to sex, or even just sitting in his coffin, he'd need more warming up beforehand. Vegeta rose from the edge of the bed and carefully guided Yorick backwards toward the fireplace. Panic flashed in his eyes and Vegeta immediately knew what he was thinking. "Quit being a spaz. I'm not going to toss you into the flames." Once they arrived a few feet away from the crackling warmth, Vegeta pulled Yorick down to the floor until they were both on their knees.

Yorick swallowed and Vegeta followed the slight rise and fall of his adam's apple. Going as slow as humanly possible so not to startle him, Vegeta pushed Yorick backwards onto the rug until he was flat on his back. Each of his limbs shivered beneath Vegeta's watchful eyes. The temptation to pull his pants down had to be ignored for the time being. Instead, Vegeta unraveled Yorick's scarf and shoved it to the side of his head.

Yorick sighed. "Are you done?"

"For now." Still hovering above Yorick on his hands and knees, he leaned backwards and removed his own scarf. "There. Happy?"

Again, Yorick swallowed. "Okay. What are you going to take off now?"

"Your jacket and shirt."

Yorick gasped. "That's two things!"

"I already took my jacket off earlier, so it's only fair. Now lift."

Yorick complied to the demand, but not before whining in protest. The buttons on Yorick's jacket snapped loudly every time Vegeta unfastened them from their magnetic hold. After the last button was released, he pulled the puffy coat over the vampire's head and threw it beside the scarf. Vegeta made quick work of his sweater as well and tossed it in the growing pile beside them. Modest, Yorick covered his chest at having been exposed.

Vegeta tilted his head. Even though Yorick was supposedly a mirror image of him, up close and under the illumination of the fire he looked different enough for Vegeta to take pause. His muscles were much leaner than his own. Curiosity got the best of him; he leaned down and flicked his tongue against Yorick's right nipple.

He hissed. "W-what are you doing?"

"Shut-up." Vegeta licked a sloppy circle around the nub. Beneath him Yorick squirmed, but lowered the volume of his voice to a strained mewl as not to wake Goku.

"Feels that good, hm?" Gently Vegeta nibbled on the flesh and grinned.

"Vegeta, I—"

"You want me to take your pants off?"

Releasing the pert nipple from his mouth elicited a disappointed coo from his captive. "You first."

Vegeta stood to his feet. He dropped his pants and boxers in one swift tug. Yorick's eyes trailed down from his face to his cock. A quick sigh of relief came from between his parted lips. "Thank God."

Vegeta smirked. "Like what you see?"

"No, that's not it."

The remark threw him off. Tired of the bullshit, he kneeled again and tugged open Yorick's zipper. The vampire hemmed and hawed, making up some excuse about why they should stop, but it might as well have been white noise at this point. Vegeta took off pants and underwear, removing Yorick's boots as well in his long tug, and pushed all of the clothes to the side.

 _Looks like he couldn't copy everything from me_ , Vegeta thought. For some reason he'd assumed Goku's admirer had a small dick, but there was nothing between Yorick's legs to laugh at. Clear fluid leaked from the thick cock onto Yorick's stomach. Grimacing at Vegeta's appraisal of his body, he descended into self-consciousness once more and covered his crotch with both his hands. "What are you looking at, perv?"

Moving in to cup Yorick's balls in his right hand was easy enough. The moment he gave a soft tug the frightened man moaned and his hands fell to his side. Out of curiosity Vegeta gave his shaft a few quick tugs of varying pressure, Yorick moaning out loud and raising his hips off the floor when his grip was at its tightest.

"Has anyone ever touched you like this before?" Vegeta felt himself harden. Every time his curled fist reached Yorick's head the vampire released a delicious gasp into the air. He couldn't ignore the gathering wetness of precum between his fingers either.

"Ooh…no, Vegeta…" Eyelids heavy, Yorick propped himself onto his elbows to get a better look at how the Prince slowly jacked him off. His creamy legs parted, welcoming more contact from the man he hated.

"Do you feel good now?"

Yorick nodded. For a while now he'd had his lips sucked in; he released them and Vegeta sighed at seeing how red and swollen they'd become.

Their eyes met. The strong desire to take him made heat rise to Vegeta's cheeks. "Have you ever put anything up your ass before?"

"Y-yeah."

"How big?"

Dazed, Yorick held up three two fingers.

Again, Vegeta laughed at him. "Good." The thought of pressing his tongue through Yorick's plump lips reminded Vegeta of his own throbbing need between his legs. With caution in his movement he removed his wet hand from Yorick. The vampire's reaction was delayed for a few seconds. He moaned in protest. Smirking, Vegeta took his thumb and ran it across those rosy lips. Yorick's heavy-lidded eyes followed the trail of his hand across his face. His lips parted and his tongue darted out. Vegeta pressed his thumb forward to caress his tongue, and Yorick sighed.

"Mmm." The vampire's eyelids finally fell. He slathered his tongue against the pad of Vegeta's thumb, occasionally sucking on it.

"Get it in there." Gently Vegeta pressed his thumb further into the hot mouth. The pressure earned him another moan, Yorick now full-on making out with his hand. "How do you feel?"

"Good," Yorick said, his words garbled. He nibbled at the taut flesh between Vegeta's thumb and his index finger. "I want to bite you."

Vegeta fought away the shudder in his chest. If he was going to spend the rest of the night making Yorick succumb to his baser instincts except for _that_ one, he'd have to keep the vampire distracted on all fronts. Simultaneously fucking his mouth with his thumb, he took his other hand and stroked his cock again. "How can you be this hard? I thought you only felt this way about my Kakarot?"

Yorick clenched his already shut eyes harder. An internal battle Vegeta wasn't privy to caused his eyebrows to crinkle. Wanting to push him further, Vegeta pulled his thumb free of the mouth and leaned down to replace it with his tongue. Yorick gasped at the surprise kiss. "Vegeta," he groaned, the name slurred on his tongue as he fought against the assault on his mouth.

Their mouths worked against each other in a dance. The sensual slide of Yorick's tongue across the inside of his cheeks threw Vegeta into a trance: he could taste the slight hint of the same liquor in Goku's mouth earlier. Virgin or not, the gentle pressure the vampire placed against his face during their kiss was heavenly. When two hands came up to cradle either side of his face, Vegeta feared the tables had been switched and the man making love to his mouth was suddenly the one in charge. A purr rumbled through his chest and laid his desire out in the open.

He felt Yorick's wet lips smile against his own. Irritated with the cheeky little shit's reaction, Vegeta slid his wet thumb below his balls and shoved it up his ass.

"Ah—!"

"Hush." Vegeta bit onto the vampire's bottom lip. He rocked their hips together, syncing the rhythm with the twist of his hand inside of Yorick's hold. Muffle gasps fought against his mouth and Yorick wrapped his thighs around Vegeta. A few well-timed thrusts of his own unseated them both off the floor.

Panting, Vegeta tore his mouth away from the kiss. "Here's number two," he grunted, shoving his index finger into Yorick's crushing tightness along with his thumb.

"Vegeta," Yorick groaned, craning his neck forward to join their mouths into another kiss.

They continued to writhe and moan against the rug, Vegeta slowly pumping his hand inside of the vampire, building his lithe body into a frenzy that culminated into a deep shudder that shook them both. "M-more," Yorick stuttered, clenching himself even snugger around Vegeta's flexing fingers.

Pulling back, Vegeta released his fingers. He spat into his hand and ran the slurry across his dick. Loud whimpers echoed in the room and Vegeta didn't care if Yorick was frightened or excited for what lay in store for him. As soon as he hooked the quivering legs over his shoulders, Yorick squealed and grasped into empty air in a vain attempt to touch the Prince. Happy to oblige him, Vegeta leaned closer to the floor and smothered him in another kiss, shaking arms wrapping around his neck as he probed at the tight entrance awaiting him.

"It's not going to fit," Yorick groaned, completely resolute.

"Not with you clenching like that it's not." In one swift movement Vegeta untangled himself from Yorick's embrace, drifting down past his sweating torso to between his legs. He pressed his tongue against the ring of muscle and lapped sloppy circles against the puckered hole resisting entry.

"Ooh my God!" Yorick latched onto Vegeta's hair. His muscles relaxed into the rim job, giving Vegeta what he'd sought after.

The Prince couldn't fight back the widening grin on his face. After one final probe of his tongue he returned to his previous position above Yorick. He thrust forward and purred when the head of his cock slipped easily into the vampire.

"Yes," Yorick panted, pulling Vegeta into another kiss that left their mouths and chins a sopping mess.

Vegeta had waited long enough. He pounded the vampire into the carpet with hard, but long and consistent strokes. Unable to maintain the kiss, Yorick let his head loll back and he screamed at the ceiling. With every wet smack against each other Vegeta grunted, reaping all the benefits of fucking a virgin ass with gusto. The sensation of the wet heat wrapped around his cock was transcendent; mind-numbing pleasure swelled in his abdomen and threatened to make him come undone. "Fuck, Yorick," he growled, increasing the pace of his thrusts. Cool air flowed against his back where Yorick scratched him. In his addled brain he wondered if he was bleeding.

"Yes Vegeta, you're making me come!" Yorick made good on his words and spilled his semen against both of their stomachs. It cascaded down the side of Yorick's hips; there was so much of it even Yorick's recuperative wheezing didn't outlast the amount of time it took for his cum to still its pooling across the rug.

Vegeta lifted his hips high into the air and released into the tight channel around him. His cry didn't slice through the air as harshly as Yorick's, but it was loud enough to surprise him. Gibberish speech came from Yorick's mouth in the wake of both of their orgasms. Vegeta shut him up with another kiss and carded his hand through his mirror's hair to calm him down.

Yorick tugged on his ears. The strange gesture brought Vegeta to full attention. "Oh my God Vegeta, you're really good," Yorick babbled, nibbling on his lip then sliding his tongue into his mouth again.

"Well," Vegeta purred, "People always told me to go fuck myself." He closed the gap between them again.

All of Yorick's sheepish tittering was a welcome distraction from his shattered nerves. Fatigue hindered him from moving any of his limbs too much. As they continued to kiss on the floor and pet each other's hair, Vegeta realized that the texture of his own locks on another's head confused him deeply. Being turned on by a man that looked so close in appearance to himself had definitely been his most egregious lapse into vanity.

In the middle of their making out, he felt a pair of eyes on the back of his neck.

"Yorick?" Goku's very-much-awake voice came from over his shoulder.

Simultaneously they whipped their heads to the side. "Goku!" Yorick yelped. He shoved Vegeta away and sat up. "It's not what it looks like—"

Goku rubbed his eyes. Vegeta wasn't sure if it was from post-sleep grogginess or disbelief. "You two had sex without me?"

Vegeta huffed. "You were asleep." He cat stretched across the rug, the soreness in his muscles swelling, then fading away. "How does the saying go? 'You snooze, you lose.'"

"Wha—that's not fair!" Goku hopped off the side of the bed, but kept his distance. "You knew this whole time I wanted to have sex with Yorick and this is what you do?"

Vegeta inspected his fingernails. "Calm down. You want your turn now? You can have him."

Goku bared his teeth. "I wanted to be _first_!"

He had to admit that Goku's sudden transparency about wanting to pork the vampire turned him on a little. It was also adorable how Goku believed Vegeta would ever allow him touch Yorick without the Prince first 'breaking him in' so to speak.

To piss him off even more, Vegeta slid his sweaty hand up the curve of Yorick's spine until his fingers settled on the base of his neck. "You won't believe how incredibly tight your friend was." He chuckled. "Except I guess all you _can_ do is believe. After our little session I'm sure he's nice and stretched out."

"Argh!" Goku lumbered toward the door. "I'm gonna pee. But when I get back you're both going to be sorry." He flung the door open and trekked in the darkness of the hall.

Yorick scrambled for his underwear, but Vegeta slapped his hand away. "What the fuck are you doing?"

"I want to put my clothes back on. Being naked is going to make him more upset!"

"Are you daft? He's going to fuck us both the moment he gets back."

"But he said—"

"I know what he said." Vegeta gradually lifted himself up from the floor. "Do you have any lube?"

Yorick wrapped his arms around his knees. "Yeah. Why?"

"We're going to need it."

* * *

Five minutes passed and Goku still hadn't shown up. Yorick occupied himself by searching his drawers for lubricant while Vegeta sat on the bed and stared at his ass.

 _Stupid pervert. I can see why Goku likes him, though_. The soreness in his ass and the stirring in his groin even after all of their activity left him glowing with appreciation. It'd taken five hundred years for him to lose his anal V-card and the only thing that would have made the sex better was if it were first with Goku. But Vegeta had felt too good for Yorick to complain, the enthusiasm he showed in ravishing him especially making his heart melt and his senses fray. If Vegeta had touched him in that way after they barely knew each other, what was it like when he made love to Goku?

Yorick's fingers grazed over the familiar plastic in the corner of his drawer. He freed the bottle of lube from the layer of clothes hiding it. "Vegeta, have you two ever done this before?"

"Done what?"

"Had sex with a third person before?"

Vegeta's silence was unpromising. Immediately Yorick searched his thoughts for the truth, but found whatever he hid was well-guarded. "That's none of your business," Vegeta said evenly.

When he turned around to look Vegeta in the eye, he saw a sloppy smile on his face. The sex had mellowed the vampire too much to care about the obvious lie, so he filed the issue away to deal with later. Instead Yorick took pride in how Vegeta's spiked hair jutted in all directions from all the yanking he did earlier.

"I'm back." Goku walked into the room and slammed the door behind him. The quickness with which he ripped his parka off filled Yorick with a mixture of fear and anticipation. He'd never been the recipient of Goku's rage.

"Goku," Yorick breathed. "I'm sorry I—"

"Shut-up." Goku ogled his body, and never before had Yorick felt more like a slab of meat on display. In one, two, three steps Goku was toe-to-toe with him and the heat emanating from his body was stronger than that of the fireplace. Rough hands grasped at the sides of Yorick's face and pulled him into a kiss.

He groaned, widening his jaw so that Goku's probing tongue could delve further into his mouth. Kissing him made his head swim and his knees weak. Abruptly Goku pulled away, sliding his hands down the side of Yorick's face to his shoulder blades, down his back, and over the curve of his buttocks. Wishing to be touched more intimately, Yorick lifted a leg and leaned forward against Goku's warm chest. Thick, probing fingers tugged at his flesh and traveled further south until they caressed against his hole and balls.

A low keen bled from Yorick's throat. Goku bit into his neck to silence him, careful to leave only two deep impressions in his skin. The slickness already between his cheeks allowed Goku's fingers to easily slip in and out of his ass, drawing more whines out of him. The Saiyan was claiming his body for his own, not caring one bit that his life partner and future husband was only several feet away witnessing him finger fuck the hapless vampire into submission.

Yorick wrapped his arms around Goku's ribcage. "Goku, please!"

The most frightening growl he'd ever heard come from a man rattled both of their chests. "You wanted me to fuck you so bad this whole time. But you got with 'Geta first. Why?"

A palpable fear shook him. His throat dried. "He was too—"

"Hot? I know." For the first time since entering the room, Goku looked at Vegeta to give him a sneer. "You didn't even let me watch."

Yorick fought back another groan building his throat. Goku was still roughly fucking him with his hand. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it."

"How did his cock feel?"

Yorick arched his back, the swelling of pleasure between his legs too great to fight off any longer. "Oh God, so good."

"I bet." The glint in his eyes frightened Yorick: it wasn't until now he understood how feral Goku truly was. As if he'd read his mind, Goku licked from the bottom of his chin up past his lips and over his nose. The hot wetness against his face weakened his legs, and Goku had to hold him up by the waist.

"I'm going to have to punish you, Yorick."

The new few moments were a blur. Yorick found himself carried to the bed and forced onto his stomach while draped over Goku's lap. "Goku," he cried, rubbing his now hard length against Goku's legs, "will you take your clothes off?"

"Quiet." Goku smoothed his hand across Yorick's ass. "I need to take care of you first."

"But—"

 _Thwap!_ Yorick bent his back from the hard contact of Goku's flat palm against his cheeks. "Ahn!"

"Say you're sorry."

The pain radiated across his tender flesh all the way across his hips. It'd been ages since he'd received a good spanking and never had it been from someone that'd turned him on this much. An apology teetered on the tip of his tongue, but he wouldn't dare cheat himself out of his own punishment. "Maybe I shouldn't."

The Saiyan pulled at his scalp until his head craned backwards and Yorick looked at Goku upside down. "What did you say?"

"I said maybe I shouldn't say sorry."

Again, Goku spanked him, and he clenched his eyes at the sharp pleasure rolled throughout his body. He grasped across the sheets; Vegeta's strong hands latched onto his wrists to still him.

Goku kneaded one of his cheeks in his palm. His fingers teased against Yorick's hole. "How bad do you want me to fuck you?"

"Really bad, Goku!" Yorick thrashed against his punisher. "I'll do anything, I promise."

"I bet you would."

Goku spanked him for a long time, the pain of each smack bleeding into each other until a dull ache wracked all of Yorick's body. The loud claps against his skin filled the room, turning him on even more. He couldn't believe how hard he was again after coming earlier. He rutted against Goku's legs, certain he was dripping everywhere, and hoping he didn't come too soon before Goku made his dreams come true and fucked him senseless.

A second pair of hands massaged his back, and he wondered how much longer he could stand being touched so gently and harshly. "I'm sorry!" he pleaded. "I'm sorry I didn't wait for you!"

The onslaught against his ass came to an abrupt halt. "You mean it?" Goku's voice was ragged.

Yorick felt a hardness inside of Goku's pants pressing against his own crotch. "I do!"

"And you'll do anything for me?"

"I will."

"Alright. Take my pants off."

All the blood rushed to Yorick's head. Frantic, he pulled himself up and fumbled with Goku's belt. Thankfully Goku lifted his hips or otherwise Yorick would have to contend with his weight. Vegeta busied himself with removing his mate's shirt, but Yorick forgot he was present the second Goku's length flopped free of his boxer shorts.

Without needing any prompting, Yorick crawled to his knees and sucked hard on the cock he'd dreamed about tasting for the past eight months. The organ was warm and smooth in his mouth, the tip spreading its salt throughout Yorick's mouth. He sighed as it reached past his throat.

"Fuck, Yorick!" Goku leaned back and spread his thighs.

Vegeta's voice punctured the blissful haze in his mind. "Whose dick have you sucked before?"

"Yamcha's," Yorick said, slurping up and down Goku until giving the tip one final long suck. Having his face pressed so close to his love's crotch and balls made him dizzy. The musky scent clung to his nose and mouth to envelope him in an aroma that drove him wild.

Goku laughed above him. "Wow."

The vampire wasn't sure if Goku was impressed he'd sucked Yamcha off or was dazzled by his enthusiasm in polishing his knob. The fingers sliding through the hair on his nape made him believe it was the latter. Gently he nipped his teeth against Goku's foreskin just to see him react.

Goku sucked in air between his teeth. "Stop."

Yorick ignored him. Goku leaned to the side and slid his middle finger up his ass. Yorick jerked his mouth free of the cock. "I want to taste your cum so bad," he purred, not caring that he was drooling as he spoke.

"I have a better idea. You're going to fuck Vegeta, then I'm going to fuck you."

Vegeta balked. "He's going to _what_?"

"You heard me."

Yorick wished he had the presence of mind to protest. He'd never imagined himself as being a penetrator—and certainly not with Vegeta. Despite his hesitation, Goku pulled him up from off his knees and shoved him toward Vegeta. "Lick his ass," Goku commanded.

Vegeta's eyebrows knitted together. Yorick was certain he had a similar expression on his face. The Prince lowered himself onto his hands and knees at the end of the bed, never breaking his eye contact with Yorick, then rested his cheek against the comforter. "Do a good job. I'm only allowing this because Kakarot wants it so badly."

Stage fright quelled his urgent need to come. Yorick joined Goku for another kiss, wanting to prolong the task given to him a bit longer. Their tongues fought against each other and Goku moaned in pure delight. He pulled Yorick's face away. "Get to it," he almost sang.

Yorick crawled over to Vegeta's ass, which was propped high in the air. Slowly he spread his cheeks, and stared at the pink-tinged rosebud between them. Between both his hands Vegeta's ass was supple and plump. "Wow," he muttered to himself. He'd never noticed how deliciously fat the Prince's ass was.

"Looks good, don't it?" Goku covered Yorick's right hand with his own. He couldn't stop himself from squeezing at the flesh. "Sorry, Vegeta. I'm gonna taste it too."

The words made Vegeta's muscles spasm beneath Yorick's touch. Goku's hungry mouth fell upon him before Yorick could muster up the bravery to do it himself. The long, lashing tongue against the pink hole made his cock twitch. Finally he lowered his head and joined the Saiyan in slurping Vegeta to their heart's content.

The Prince's moans were different from earlier. Instead of deep grunts that had stirred something primal in Yorick, his cries were hoarse and needy, perhaps even bordering on helplessness. Yorick slid his mouth down to his balls and gently sucked on them, milking even more intoxicating noises from the man below them. Vegeta barked filthy words at the both of them, which only encouraged Yorick to shove Goku out of the way so he could thrust his tongue through his asshole.

"Fuck!" Vegeta gasped the word like it gave him life. "One of you need to fuck me right now!"

Taking his cue, Yorick rose so his cock lined up with Vegeta's ass. The nervousness he felt earlier returned to him. "G-Goku, I need some lube."

Goku leaned off the side of the bed. Seconds later he rose beside Yorick again with a bottle in his hand. "This is it, right?"

"Yeah." Hands shaking, Yorick flipped the cap open and squirted a thick line of the gel across his dick. Goku leaned over his shoulder and pumped him several times. "Oh," he sighed, fighting off the urge to come again.

"Just push it in there," the Saiyan growled into his ear.

Together they guided Yorick's tip to Vegeta's entrance. Passing through his muscle shocked him; the tightness massaged his girth until he slid into the hilt. He groaned. "Vegeta, you're tight."

"And _you_ feel like a goddamn beer can." Vegeta rolled his hips side to side. "Go ahead. Don't keep me waiting."

The wet heat around him sent Yorick into another dizzy fit. He took Vegeta's hips into his hands, pulled back, and then thrust deep back inside of him.

"Uhnf!" Yorick panted, then began to thrust in earnest. "It feels so good, Goku."

"Yeah," Goku sighed behind him. His large hands massaged Yorick's shoulders as the vampire fucked Vegeta. "He always feels good."

Yorick bit his lip. The way Vegeta's shapely ass shoved back against him with every thrust was too much for him to handle. "I'm going to come soon!"

Goku grabbed the lube rolling across the mattress from all of Yorick's thrusting. The vampire didn't need an explanation for what was about to happen. He stopped abruptly and bent over so his chest was flush with Vegeta's and his arms at Vegeta's sides.

"You fucking slut," Vegeta growled. "Why did you stop?"

"Goku's gonna—oh, _fuck_!"

His own yelp snatched his words away. Behind him Goku slowly slid into him, awakening the soreness Vegeta created from earlier. Before he could catch his breath the love of his life was slamming into him without any mercy. All the sensation of Vegeta's ass clenching around his dick and Goku pushing through his own tightness was too much, their steady rhythm pushing him closer and closer to a madness he wasn't sure he could contend with. His vision blurred and he burst into tears.

Vegeta was the first to fall apart. Yorick couldn't see him come, but he watched Vegeta plunge his fingers straight through the mattress. His thighs quivered uncontrollably in pleasure. A deep purr vibrated through his chest and he called out for both Yorick and Goku.

Hearing the man beg for him in such a lustful tone finally tipped Yorick over the edge. His balls clenched and he came deep inside of Vegeta's marvelous ass, which tightened to milk him of every last drop. For a split second he envied Goku for having a man who could feel so good inside out, and had a humble side of him to boot.

Behind him Goku bellowed. Thick spurts of cum filled Yorick until it dribbled down his thighs and he wished the wonderful essence wouldn't go to waste to be absorbed in the sheets. He swiped several fingers through the liquid and shoved it into his mouth. The earthy, salty substance awakened his taste buds. "Oh Goku, you're amazing," he sighed.

Goku collapsed on top of him, crushing him and Vegeta below his weight. "Damn. That was hot."

Vegeta's voice was muffled in the sheets. "I hope you're happy you got what you wanted. Two Vegetas for you to play around with."

"Uh-huh!"

Goku wrapped his arms around the sweaty, heaving pile they'd all melted into. Even though he weighed a ton, Yorick enjoyed Goku's sticky, hot skin against his own. The steady rhythm of his heart lulled him into a place between sleep and consciousness where he found a comfort he'd long forgotten.

* * *

_I wonder which one is Vegeta?_

Goku really did feel bad he couldn't tell the difference. But all three of them were cuddled together under the sheets with both Yorick and his mate draped over his chest in a delicious pile of Vegeta he couldn't make heads or tails of. It didn't help that the fireplace's embers had dulled to a dim that made it difficult to see much of anything in the room. Of course Vegeta had a ki he could sense and Yorick didn't, but with them both tangled together it was a lost cause to use energy to tell them apart.

Both of them were asleep, too. He nibbled on his lip. _I know the best way to tell._

With utmost caution he slid his hand down the back of the Vegeta to his left. He grabbed a handful of luscious ass. _Yep. This is the real Vegeta alright._

"Kaka," Vegeta mumbled in his sleep.

Goku grinned. He kissed the second Vegeta's forehead, and immediately Yorick reacted.

"Goku?" he mumbled, his voice scratchy.

"You're awake?"

"Yeah."

"Wanna do it?"

Yorick's eyes widened. "Oh! Yes. Absolutely." He glanced to his side. "Is Vegeta awake too?"

"Nah. We're gonna do it without him."

Never had Goku seen someone with such a shocked and delighted expression on their face. "You mean it?"

Goku nodded. If Vegeta had his alone-time with Yorick, he deserved the same chance. "We have to be quiet, though. Can we sit in that box in the middle of the room?"

"No," Yorick said while dropping his tone down to a whisper. "I have to keep it clean!"

"'Kay. We have to be _super_ quiet, then."

Yorick was already shoving Vegeta to the opposite side of the bed. The Prince grumbled in his sleep as he was rolled over twice until he reached the edge of the mattress. Fear struck Goku's heart, but his mate remained still. _Whew!_

"Come over 'ere," Goku purred. Yorick giggled and assaulted him with kisses on his face and neck. It wasn't often he was gushed over, but he had to admit the attention lit a fire in his heart and groin. He cast the sheets aside to allow Yorick more room to thrash and grind on top of him, the vampire's arousal as hard as his own.

After sliding against the man and working himself into a full sweat, Goku held down his wiggling waist. "Sit on my face, Yorick."

An affirmative squeal came from above. The vampire's enthusiasm was a trait Goku had always admired in him, even if the majority of the time he was only excited by the potential for sex. Goku scooted himself down lower in the bed and watched Yorick's thighs slide beside both sides of his head. As if dipping into a hot bath, Yorick slowly lowered his hips until his cheeks made contact with Goku's mouth and he sighed at the contact.

Being blinded by Yorick's ass had its benefits. Goku's sense of smell and touch heightened. He rolled his tongue against Yorick's tight hole, which tasted both of Vegeta and himself. He moaned into Yorick's body while stroking his own cock and balls until a slippery fluid came from tip and stained his fingers. He swirled his thumb over his head and pushed his tongue deeper, until the vampire he was eating cried out.

Yorick rocked his hips back and forth against Goku's face. "Goku, please!"

"Keep doing that," Goku grunted while increasing his own stroking. With Yorick's sac sliding across his nose and his wet hole twitching over his mouth, his breath was taken away and he drifted into a daze. Nearly getting smothered under a great ass always turned him on.

"Can I ride you?" Yorick's groans were growing more desperate.

"Yeah." Fresh air washed across his face. Seconds later Yorick lowered himself on his cock and took him whole in one movement. He gasped. "Fuck!"

The vampire must have prepared for this moment—he rode Goku like a professional bull rider, and the Saiyan was his last rodeo. Goku had to grab onto the headboard so they didn't both go bouncing off of the bed. "Shit, Yorick!"

Yorick threw his head back released a breathy moan. "I've wanted to do this for so long, Goku!"

"I can tell. Geez!" Yorick was much tighter than Vegeta. The constriction was both a blessing and a curse, as Goku was certain he'd burst any second. He ground his fingers into Yorick's waist, now covered in sweat, and bounced him up and down even faster.

Wetness splattered against his chin and mouth. The spray shocked him so much he lost his grip on the man riding him into oblivion and cried out loud. He shot inside of Yorick and relished the way his asshole spasmed around his cock until he was completely spent. Yorick screamed his name over and over until his voice faded into a scratchy whimper as feeble as his shuddering body. He rolled off of Goku and collapsed into a shaking heap at his side.

Goku wiped the cum off of his face and laughed. "You okay?"

"Uh-huh," Yorick moaned.

Goku rolled over to comfort the vampire, but froze when he he'd been replaced by a different person. "Y-Yorick?! What happened to you?"

"What do you mean?"

"You look completely different!" While dark, Goku could still make out the face of a young man with a face covered in freckles. Curly red locks adorned his head in a giant bush that rivaled even the size of Vegeta's hair.

"Oh." Yorick grinned. He slid his hand—which was much more delicate than before—across Goku's chest to tease his nipples. "I guess the sex was so good I lost my form."

Goku blushed. Yorick was very cute. And also very young looking. "How old are you?"

"Around five hundred years."

"No. How old were you when you were—you know?"

"Bitten? Nineteen."

"Oh. Hehe." Yorick's glossy brown eyes were filled with longing. Goku wasn't sure why he suddenly felt like a cheater. "Um…you look cute."

"Thank you. Is how I look now better than before?"

 _This is a trick question_. "Uh…I don't know."

"Would you ever want to have sex again with me like this?"

"Oh yeah." Goku mentally slapped himself for answering so quickly. Vegeta definitely wouldn't be okay with him having sex with supple teenage boys with long eyelashes that fluttered at him in just the right way. "Uhh, maybe we should wake 'Geta up now."

"Don't worry. I'm awake."

Goku screeched. He raised himself up to look beside Yorick. Vegeta lay on his side with his hand propping his head up. "Vegeta! How long have you been—"

"Long enough."

Yorick rolled onto his back and smirked. "God Vegeta. Goku is _amazing_ in bed."

Vegeta slowly drifted his eyes from Yorick's smug face to Goku's. "He is."

 _This is bad. Really bad._ "You're not mad, are you Vegeta?"

"Of course not. Although I am curious why you didn't want to include me in all the fun."

Goku knew any explanation might set him off. "I was horny and, um, you were asleep but Yorick wasn't, and you got a chance alone with him anyway—"

"I already told you, Kakarot. I'm not upset. And I understand." Vegeta rose to his knees and knelt beside Yorick's head. "I'm just jealous because I have my own load to unleash as well."

"Eh?" Goku scratched his head. In the dark he could tell Vegeta was gripping his cock right above Yorick's face.

"Do you enjoy facials, Yorick?"

Still enraptured in a state of bliss, Yorick reached up and stroked his hand across Vegeta's abdomen. "Mmhmm."

"You're a dirty boy, aren't you?"

"I am."

Goku wasn't sure whether to be frightened or turned on. He licked his lips, anticipating Vegeta to make his move soon.

"Do it," Yorick purred.

Vegeta sighed. A thick stream splashed onto his face and trickled down the sides of his face. It took a few seconds of registering what the trickling sound meant for Goku to finally react. " _VEGETA_!"

Yorick closed his eyes. "Uggoohmygod," he moaned.

"What the—you're _enjoying_ this?" Vegeta's hadn't taken the level of perversion Yorick was capable of into consideration before dousing him in a golden shower. "You fucking pervert!"

"It feels so good, Vegeta. I've never been pissed on before!"

"Wow, Yorick." Goku felt the faintest stirring in his cock. The longer he was drenched the louder the vampire's moans grew.

"Fuck this." Vegeta crawled from the bed and walked to Yorick's coffin, still pissing as he moved.

"Vegeta, don't—" Goku held out his hand. But whenever Vegeta had a notion it was impossible to stop him.

The steady sound of liquid making contact against fabric roused Yorick from his heady state. He rose up in bed. "What— _are you pissing in my coffin_?!"

"Pissed. I'm done." Vegeta crossed his arms while staring down at his handiwork.

"You _monster!_ "

"That's what you get for trying to fuck my Kakarot behind my back."

"Do you know how expensive it is to dry clean a coffin?" Yorick clutched both sides of his fuzzy mane. "I _hate_ you, Vegeta!"

"Whatever!"

"Goku—you're not going to let him get away with this, are you?"

"Uhh, I guess not." He wagged his finger at the Prince. "Bad Vegeta."

The next ten minutes were filled with screaming and Yorick trying his best to not slip in the trail of urine on the floor. Goku covered his face until the commotion the room was drowned out by the growling of his empty stomach. Never had the antics of two men made him feel so hungry.

* * *

Yorick slopped his mop against the piss-covered flagstones. A few feet away Goku and Vegeta dressed themselves after having showered earlier. As much as Yorick had wanted to wash a naked, dirty Goku, he couldn't stand the idea of Vegeta's filth covering his floor for longer than necessary. So he opted out of the fun. Their absence gave him a chance to slip back into his Vegeta disguise and pull on a pair of pants.

Dawn had just broken over Cortasia. Light fell through the fogged windows around his room. The floor shined due to his perfect attempt to clean it. Unfortunately he couldn't say the same about his coffin. "I might have to get a new one after this," he said to no one in particular.

Goku zipped up his jacket. "That sucks. Are coffins expensive?"

"Yes! And mine is _vintage_ so it's not like I can get a new one without stealing it from a grave."

"That's tough," Vegeta said.

"Fuck you." Yorick leaned against his beautiful, handcrafted box that had protected him for centuries. "Even if I get it cleaned it'll probably never smell the same ever again."

Vegeta shrugged. "I think it'll be a good reminder of me."

Yorick fought down the instinct to dash across the room to choke Vegeta out. He really wanted to teach the Saiyan prince a lesson and bite him, but it wasn't like it'd have much effect other than making Goku upset.

"Yorick," Goku said, giving him a strange look. "Now that it's light out I'm just now seeing all the weird stuff in your room. What's with all the leashes on the wall?"

"Dog," Yorick said flatly.

Goku's eyes lit up. "You have a pet dog? Where?"

"He's…out."

"Out where?"

"Out working."

"He has a job?"

Yorick sighed. At least Goku hadn't asked about the covered piano in the corner of the room. And as much as he loved Goku and loved hearing his voice, he had to take care of his own business. "Are you two going to leave now?"

"Yep." Goku pulled his phone from his pocket. "It's midnight back home. Bulma's gonna be pissed we ditched our meeting with her."

"We were busy doing more important things." Vegeta winked at Yorick.

The innuendo went over Goku's head. "You're right. She's' going to freak when she finds out you're pregnant!" He bent down and rubbed Vegeta's stomach through his parka.

 _I saw that_. It was brief, but Yorick had noticed and taken advantage of the brief lapse of defense Vegeta held over his thoughts. The Prince was not only frightened of anyone finding out about his pregnancy, but of the pregnancy itself.

"We'll tell her when I'm further along. Let's just focus on the wedding for now."

"Alright." Goku's stomach growled. "Ugh, I'm hungry!"

"Let's go, then." Vegeta nodded at Yorick. "I'm guessing we'll see you later."

Yorick panicked. _It's now or never_. "Vegeta, can I talk to you a second? Alone?"

"This isn't about the coffin, is it? I'm not going to buy you a new one."

He bit his lip. "It's not. I think you should talk to Goku about your baby."

Goku raised a brow. "What about it?"

"About how it's going to come out."

Vegeta barred his teeth. Yorick didn't have to read his mind to know he was enraged Yorick had invaded his thoughts earlier. "There's nothing to talk about. Let's go, Kakarot."

Goku scratched his head. "I've been wondering a long time. Will you please tell me now?" He bounced up and down on his toes. "Please?"

"I will tell you _later_."

Yorick thought back to his youth. His mother had always told him he had a big mouth. Maybe it wasn't such a bad thing. "Goku," he sighed, "your baby is going to eat its way out of Vegeta's stomach."

Goku blinked. " _What_?"

"Kakarot," Vegeta barked, "take us home _now_."

Pressing his fingers to his forehead and taking Vegeta's arm in his own, the duo disappeared.

Yorick whistled to himself. If they got over an argument over what he said, he wouldn't feel bad one bit.

 _Well, I might feel a_ little _bad. I'd be afraid to tell Goku too._


	8. Part Eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, it took almost two months to update this time around. I'm sorry for the delay. But in the meantime all of your positive comments on my last installment helped motivate me to finish this latest chapter! I really did have a bit of a crisis and seriously considered whether or not I should stop writing this story. But I have all of you to thank for your support! This fic is very near and dear to me, so I'm glad so many of you still enjoy reading it. 
> 
> I also have to thank BringingYaoiBack a million times over for being so supportive. Of course, she also beta read for me again.
> 
> Enjoy the new chapter!

"Yorick was joking. Right, Vegeta?"

Vegeta sped toward the front door of his home. The edge in Goku's voice nipped on his heels, convincing him to walk even faster. In the middle of the night the cold bit hard enough to numb the tip of his nose; for the briefest second he yearned for his old life in West City where he enjoyed beach weather year-round.

Goku's hand gripped his shoulder and tugged him backwards. "Don't ignore me. Is what he said about the baby true?"

Vegeta rounded on Goku, his eyes narrow. "Yes. That's how the baby will come out. Now can we go inside? I thought you were hungry." Still dressed in the ridiculous hooded jacket Bulma had gifted them, he felt any pretense of intimidation he held was robbed from him. He ripped at the fur and freed his head from the hood.

"But I don't get it." Goku grasped the back of Vegeta's neck and drew him closer. It was a rare gesture, one that made Vegeta feel as if he were being cradled like a child. The hurt etched across Goku's face twisted his gut. Goku spoke again. "Why would it come out that way?"

"Where the fuck else is it supposed to come out?"

Goku wrinkled his nose. "I don't know because you never told me. But won't it hurt you if the baby, er, gnaws its way out of you?" Goku's fingertips slid back and forth across Vegeta's stomach.

"Of course it will."

Goku's eyebrows twitched. "Will it—you can't die from it, right?"

Vegeta looked away.

"Answer me."

"It's a high possibility."

"What?" The hand supporting Vegeta's neck slid away down his back. Goku's stare pierced through him. "How high?"

"I plan on taking a senzu bean immediately after the birth. And if worse comes to worst, I can always be wished back—"

Goku growled low in his throat. "Why would you lie to me about this?"

"I never lied to you about anything."

"You never told me that a pregnancy could kill you!"

"If I did, you wouldn't ever have wanted to have a baby with me."

Goku froze. Perhaps the moonlight was playing tricks on Vegeta's vision, but below Goku's eyebrows arching in rage, his eyes watered. "That's not true, 'Geta."

"Yes it is. You're crying as we speak just from thinking about it."

Goku rubbed his eyes with the heel of his palms, freeing Vegeta from his grasp. The Prince had half the mind to turn around and run into the house without his mate. Why did Goku IT them outside anyway? "I can do what I want with my body. We've been in plenty of situations before where we were likely to die—"

"That's different. We had to be in those situations to save the world!"

"And I chose to be on the battlefront all of those times. Just like how I'm choosing to have another child."

"But if you never got pregnant, then—"

"Then what?" Helpless, Vegeta rose his arms in the air and glanced around the quiet mountainous landscape he was destined the live the rest of his life. "I stay a submissive, barren Saiyan prince only because I'm too afraid of the risks of childbirth?" Vegeta placed his hands on his hips. "Do you even know why I want this baby?"

Goku fisted his hair. "You said it was because you wanted to have a family with me?"

"Yes."

"But—ugh, Vegeta, we already have a family!" Goku smiled a little, perhaps in hopes to bring any sort of levity to the horrible words Vegeta heard tumble out of his mouth. "I mean, I'm really happy we're going to have a kid together, but you make it sound like what we had before wasn't good enough for you."

Vegeta stared at the ground. Goku's words had hurt him and now he couldn't look his mate in the face. His chest tightened. He wondered if he was going to suffocate standing then and there. "You have the nerve to say that when we just spent the past few hours screwing another man you were interested in?" It was par for the course for dominant mates on Planet Vegeta to have additional lovers, but Vegeta had taken comfort in assuming Goku would never have a wandering eye. Obviously that had been stupid of him to think. He chewed on his bottom lip. "Did you want to fuck him because I'm no longer 'good enough' to tide you over?"

"Don't say things like that, Vegeta. You know that's not how I feel. All of that stuff earlier was just sex. We're talking about your life right now, which means more to me than anything else in the world."

The honesty bled through Goku's voice. Vegeta was grateful for it, but they weren't out of the woods yet. "Alright. But don't act as if I never make sacrifices to make you happy too."

Eyes still glued to the dirt on the ground, Vegeta could only focus on Goku's labored breathing. "You didn't have sex with Yorick as a trade-off for me getting you pregnant…Right?"

"I did it to make you happy, you idiot." Goku make a strangled noise. Vegeta smirked. "And because I wanted to fuck the bastard to make him finally shut-up."

Goku sighed in relief. "I thought so. I'd really know nothing about you if all along you hated doing it."

Vegeta looked up again to stare Goku in the face. "But you still don't understand why I want a child with you. It has nothing to do with being unhappy with the life we have now. Just like you wanting to fuck your friend had nothing to do with you being unhappy with _me_."

Goku chewed on the tip of his thumb. "Okay. But I still don't get it."

 _Poor thing_ , Vegeta thought. It dawned on him how out of his element Goku truly was. But the man had enough sense to tell how upset Vegeta felt: he grabbed onto the Prince's hands and pulled them to his chest. Silently he waited for Vegeta to enlighten him.

"I want to share my heritage with you. You never knew what it was like to live on Planet Vegeta or to grow up knowing you're a Saiyan. I know you'd be a different man if you had, and maybe we never would've ended up like this," Vegeta said while squeezing their hands together. "But to have another full-blooded Saiyan around? And to have it with you? Do you realize how stupid it would be of me to turn the opportunity down?"

Goku groaned. "But the risks—"

"Are just that. Only risks."

Goku released their hands and massaged the space in between his eyebrows. The angry knot in the pit of Vegeta's stomach loosened a little. At least Goku had learned something from him, even if it was just a mannerism. "You're the most stubborn man I've ever met in my life, Vegeta."

"Would you want me any other way?"

"I don't know," Goku sighed. "If you being different means you stay alive, maybe I would prefer it that way." Wiping his eyes earlier did little good. His cheeks were now wet. "I guess it's too late to do anything about it now. It's not like you're going to get rid of it."

Aghast, Vegeta stepped backwards. "You want me to kill it?"

"Oh geez, that's not what I meant!" Goku ran his hand across his face and stilled it over his brow for a long time. Vegeta stared at Goku's pained expression and felt a tinge of pity. His mate looked sick.

Goku then slid his palm past his forehead to rake through his hair. "I love you, Vegeta, and I would never ask you to give up our baby. I just—all of this is really new to me. I was young when Gohan was born and Chi-Chi held my hand through all of that. I didn't even know about Goten until he was seven years old." Goku smiled in a way that made the corners of his eyes crinkle and his eyes water again. "This is the first time I've ever been a dad and it wasn't by accident. And now you tell me the baby could hurt you. I feel I'm in over my head all over again, you know?"

Vegeta scoffed. "And here I thought all the sex earlier would have definitely made you too stupid to be this coherent."

Goku laughed through the tightness in his throat from crying. "Even though I'm scared for you, I like the idea of having a baby with you too. You're not alone in feeling that way."

It was Vegeta's turn to wrap his hand behind Goku's neck and pull him close. He kissed Goku's cheek and lingered until the skin beneath his touch was warm. Goku chirped and moved to give a playful bite on Vegeta's cheek in exchange. The Prince made a strange noise that was a mix between a bark and a laugh; he leaned his head away from Goku and urged him to stop.

"Kakarot, please trust me with all of this."

"I don't have any other choice." Goku held Vegeta tighter. "I'll keep you safe. You're not dying on my watch. Understood?"

"But—"

"Vegeta…"

Vegeta sighed. "Understood."

Goku nuzzled his face in the Prince's hair. "How can a little baby eat its way out of your tummy anyway?"

Vegeta was relieved Goku's voice was much more even now. But his mate obviously still had concerns about the pregnancy. Which was fair, especially at this point.

"Saiyan children are very, uh," Vegeta said, his mind racing. What was the right word to use that wouldn't spiral his mate into another paranoid fit? Vegeta didn't want to ruin what little resolution they had found in the moment. "They're very resourceful. It's the only way they can come out of a male womb."

"It's going to have teeth?"

"Fangs at least."

Goku laughed. "That sounds scary and cute at the same time."

"Just like me."

Goku pulled away to stare down at Vegeta. A smile cracked through his surly façade. He blew out a puff of air and Vegeta took it as resignation. "Is this the only surprise about the baby? It's not going to try and fly away or something once it comes out, right?"

Sweat collected on Vegeta's brow. _How did he figure that one out?_ "I'll answer any questions you have once we get inside. Come on." He turned around, but Goku clamped down hard on his wrist. At this point Vegeta's patience was kaput—he considered biting Goku's hand until he was released. "Goddammit, Kakarot. I just want to get to our own bed!"

"Someone just walked out of our house."

Vegeta escaped Goku's grasp and turned around to face the house again. In the moonlight he made out the outline of a person pulling their front door closed. Immediately his eyes trailed down to the giant, glowing orb clutched beneath their arm. The lax way their arm draped over the dragon ball and the bend of their hip was eerily familiar—long ago Vegeta had traversed Namek in a similar pose and just thinking about the things he did there made him nauseous. The figure stood still in the doorway, now facing them without moving a muscle, and Vegeta felt as if he stared into a phantom version of himself.

Vegeta knew exactly who it was.

The figure ran up to them, but all Vegeta could sense was the rapid movement of energy across the span of their front yard. They moved too swiftly for his eyes to actually see their legs in motion, and that alone convinced him to shift into a fighting stance beside Goku.

The figure stood less than a few feet away from them. Much too close for comfort.

It was a girl. She was maybe seventeen or eighteen. Definitely teetering on the cusp of adulthood.

Vegeta's stomach dropped. _I'm going to have a little girl._

At first he didn't want to believe it was really his daughter standing so close to him. But the longer he stared at her the more his skepticism eroded. She was unmistakably Saiyan: her dark hair clawed toward the sky, much like his, and large bangs cascaded over her forehead and around her round face. Most of her body was engulfed inside of an oversized jacket covered with colorful patches, one of them being the Capsule Corp logo. The eyes Vegeta stared into were angelic, but only because he'd seen the same pair on the man standing beside him.

Vegeta glanced to his side. Goku's stance was open and vulnerable to attack. Even worse, he was smiling! Should Vegeta have been smiling too? The energy radiating from her filled him simultaneously with giddiness and shock. It was familiar and comfortable, much like Goku's ki. It no longer confused Vegeta why his mate had acted so warmly toward her even after she'd attacked him in their home only days ago.

She kept her true power level scrupulously hidden away by lowering her ki to that of the average human. Vegeta wasn't sure whether he should be proud she had such control over her body, or wary she kept her strength hidden from them.

The dragon ball she held at her side shimmered in the moonlight. Vegeta started to ask her about it, but Goku interrupted him.

"You came back. I'd recognize your ki anywhere!" Goku's yelling pierced the quiet of the night. The noise awakened Vegeta from his trance. Goku shook Vegeta's shoulders excitedly and then smiled down at the girl. "Vegeta, this is the person that kicked me through the wall! The one that reminded me of you!"

Vegeta slapped away Goku's hands. "I know who it is!"

"You do? How?" Goku whipped his head back and forth between them. "This is freaky. You two look alike!"

"No shit, Kakarot."

Overly excited, Goku leaned closer to get a better look at her. "What's your name?"

"You tell me yours first." Her voice was awful gravely for a young woman. Vegeta now understood why Trunks mistook her as male. Her large eyes darted back and forth between the both of them. Staring into her wavering pupils was unexpectedly hypnotic.

Goku blinked. "I'm Son Goku."

"I thought it was Kakarot," she said.

Vegeta narrowed his eyes. He didn't like where this was headed.

"That's my Saiyan name," Goku said while tilting his head. "Are you a Saiyan too? You kinda look like one."

She scratched her chin. "I think so." A long, furry tail peeked out through the front of her jacket and flicked Goku across the nose.

Goku giggled as the fur tickled his nostrils. "Hehe!"

"Why don't either of _you_ have tails?"

"We cut them off," Vegeta said curtly. "Now answer his question. What's your name?"

"Are you sure you're Saiyans, then?" She ignored Vegeta and stared blankly up at Goku. "How do I know you're not lying?"

"Why would we lie about that?" Goku asked.

"I don't know. It's the middle of the night? You've both been standing outside of this house for half an hour without moving? That's all very suspicious behavior."

"That's _our_ house." Vegeta tapped his foot on the ground. _Am I suffering through some weird prank right now?_

"How do I know it's your house?" The girl pulled her tail back into the safety of her jacket folds. "You're not inside of it. Maybe you're lying."

"I'm not lying!" Goku said while pointing toward the house. "I've lived there for—gosh, Vegeta, how long has it been?" Goku counted his fingers and muttered under his breath.

"You don't even remember?" The girl shook her head in shame. "I knew you were lying. And I bet this whole time you've been trying to figure out how to break in without being noticed."

"That's not true!" Goku said, suddenly panicked.

Vegeta rolled his shoulders. "This is a cute act. But what were you really doing inside of our home?"

"I live there."

"No you don't," Vegeta said.

The girl shrugged. "Look, man. I walked out of the house. I even locked the door on my way out." She pulled a set of keys out of her pocket. She flashed it in front of their faces too fast for Vegeta to tell if it really belonged to their front door or not. "I have more evidence I live there than you do."

"You're full of crap." Vegeta pawed around inside of his jacket pocket for his house keys. "I have a pair right—what the hell?"

"What's wrong, Vegeta?" Goku said while scratching his head.

"My keys are gone!"

The girl shrugged again. "Maybe you lost them. Or maybe," she said, tilting her head much like Goku and poking her chin, "you never had them in the first place. Because you don't live here."

Goku frowned. "I have my keys! They're right…uh…" He paled as he rummaged through his pockets and came up empty. "Mine are gone too…"

"You brat! You stole them, didn't you?" Vegeta didn't like this girl much anymore.

She reared her head back in shock. "When would I have done that? I've been standing here the whole time."

He growled. "When you ran over here—that's when you did it!"

"That's ridiculous. Did you _see_ me do it?"

Goku crossed his arms. "No, but you were running really fast earlier!"

"Can you prove it?"

Vegeta clenched his fists at his side. "Kakarot and I both saw it happen!"

"You're telling me," the girl said slowly, as if Vegeta and Goku were the biggest idiots on the planet, "that I ran _aaaall_ the way from that porch behind me, dug inside of _both_ of your pockets, then stood in front of you like I'm doing right now? All without you noticing?"

"That's not—well, you make it sound ridiculous!" Enraged, Vegeta continued to claw his fingers through each and every pocket on his jacket just so he could prove the little smart ass didn't actually live in his home.

Goku scratched his head again. "Are we sure this is our house, Vegeta?"

"Shut-up, Kakarot!"

The girl shook her head again in disapproval. "I should go back inside and tell the poor people living there two criminals were planning on breaking in and cleaning them out."

"What? You just said you live in there!" Vegeta pointed out, the vein in his forehead throbbing.

"No, I didn't."

Goku grabbed both sides of his head and Vegeta believed for a fraction of a second it would surely explode. "You _did_ say that! That's why you have a key to the house!"

"Oh!" The girl pulled the set of keys outside of her pocket again, then shoved them away from view. "I guess that makes sense."

"Oh fucking hell." Vegeta stepped closer to her. "Why are you here and why do you have that dragon ball?"

"What's a dragon ball, Goku?"

"I'm Goku," Goku said, pointing at his own chest. "You're talking to Vegeta."

"I thought you were Kakarot?"

"I am." Goku scrunched his nose as if he were about to cry. "But I'm Goku, too."

"You can't be two people at the same time."

"Answer my question!" Vegeta yelled. His hair flared as the familiar feeling of ascending to Super Saiyan rushed throughout his body.

The girl shrugged. "You can't be mad at me for not knowing what a dragon ball is."

"You're holding one right now," Goku said, pointing at the giant ball she held.

"Is that what you call this thing? Because this whole time I honestly didn't know what the hell it really was."

Vegeta screeched. "Stop playing dumb! If you don't know what it is, then why do you have it? And why did you bring it here?"

The girl grinned for the first time since the unfortunate encounter had started. "Now those are some interesting questions, Papa."

"'Papa'?" Goku pointed at Vegeta as if he were a stranger not standing only inches away from him. "Are you saying Vegeta's your dad?"

"He is."

It was Goku's turn to screech. "Vegeta, you didn't tell me you had more children!"

 _Maybe if I close my eyes and count to three, this nightmare will be over._ When Vegeta opened his eyes, both his spawn and Goku were still there. _Fuck._

"Don't be mad at Papa." The girl gave Goku a thumbs up. "You're my dad too."

"What do you mean?!"

"Kakarot, this is our daughter." Vegeta wished the pounding in his head would subside. Or that he at least would be allowed back inside of his house so he could go to bed. "The person that broke into our house? And left us the photograph? They were both her."

His anger diminishing, Goku brought his attention back to the girl. His eyes widened in disbelief. "But you're old. That means you—"

"Time travel? Yeah. I do that."

Goku's eyes sparkled. "Vegeta," he said, turning to the Prince with a huge smile on his face, "we're going to have a boy!"

Before he could do it himself, Vegeta watched his daughter cover both of her eyes and sigh. "Daddy, were you even listening to what Papa said?"

The Prince took her distraction as an opportunity to grab the collar of her jacket and drag her toward him. True fear flashed in her doe eyes as she was taken off guard; her energy level skyrocketed and Vegeta nearly dropped her from the sheer amount of power she exuded.

Nonetheless, he wasn't going to back down from a Saiyan child. "The dragon ball. Where did you get it?"

"Namek," she said, her voice clipped.

"And how did you get there?"

"I used instant transmission."

Vegeta continued to hold her a few inches above the ground. Goku made a strange noise at the mention of the technique, but the Prince didn't need an explanation as to how she learned it. "The Namekians don't part with those easily," he said with a sneer. "Did you kill them to get it?"

The girl gasped and touched her chest. "Me? A killer?"

Vegeta cocked his brow. The inflection in her voice told him she was lying. But as despicable as he'd once been, he eventually learned to have some semblance of goodness. So he refused to believe he'd raise a child that would murder whole villages of people. "You stole it from them," he settled on saying.

"They let me borrow it."

He shook her. "Do you think I'm a complete idiot?"

The brat actually hesitated in answering. Vegeta growled and she broke the silence with nervous tittering. "I'm telling the truth! They handed it over to me because I was nice to them!"

"Don't be mean, 'Geta!" Goku ruined the upper hand the Prince had by grabbing the girl from behind and pulling her into a bear hug. The dragon ball fell into the grass with a dull thump. "Aren't you happy to finally meet him?"

"You're the one being mean, Daddy. I'm a girl."

Unfazed by the correction, Goku nuzzled his face in the girl's hair, purring loudly. Vegeta stared at the both of them, uncomfortable that he felt angry and excluded at the same time. His daughter hugged Goku back and flicked her tail happily beneath her coat.

"Aw," Goku laughed, "I love you!"

"I love you too, Daddy. But Papa is my favorite. Sorry."

Goku pulled away. "Eh? What do you mean?"

The girl pointed her thumb back at Vegeta. "Papa's my favorite dad."

All of the awful things Vegeta thought about his daughter since the ridiculous conversation started flew right out the window. _I'm the favorite?_ He couldn't stop the smile spreading across his face.

"You're not supposed to have a favorite parent," Goku said with a quaky, hesitant laugh in his voice. "You're supposed to like them equally."

"Nah. Papa is the cooler dad."

Goku frowned. "That's not fair. Why is he the cooler dad? What's so bad about me?"

The girl shrugged for the umpteenth time. With Goku distracted, it was easy for her to pick up the dragon ball again and step a few feet away from them both. "I don't know. Why don't you ask him?"

"What's she talking about, Vegeta?!"

"How would I know? Maybe I'm just more fun to be around." Looking up in the sky in thought, Vegeta crossed his arms and smirked. _Finally I get the recognition I deserve._

The sudden cross of Goku's arms and pout of his lips was a telltale sign he was about to throw a huge tantrum. "But—I'm cool too!" He glared at Vegeta. "You agree with me, right?"

The girl backed away from the duo while waving her arm in the air. "You guys have fun figuring this out. I have to go now."

Still high off of the knowledge he was going to be the favorite parent, it took Vegeta a few seconds longer than normal to realize he'd been duped. "Where do you think you're going?" he asked, slowly approaching her so the distance between them shrank more and more over time. Eventually he was only a few steps away from her.

She shrugged, nonchalant and unaffected by Vegeta's closeness to her. "Back to the future, Papa."

Goku's attention span was too short for him to cling to jealous emotions for too long; he followed Vegeta's lead and advanced on the girl as well. "How'd you get here? Did Bulma make a time machine for you?"

The dragon ball disappeared inside of her jacket. She smiled. "No. I don't need a machine."

"Then how do you travel?" Vegeta asked, now only a few inches away from her.

"It's a secret." She spun around. Goku appeared suddenly in front of her with his fingers on his temple.

"You moved pretty fast earlier, but it definitely wasn't instant transmission." His eyes pinned her to the spot. With her back turned to Vegeta, he couldn't see his daughter's reaction to Goku's interrogation. "Who taught you to move that fast?"

"You two," she said.

Goku's raised his eyebrows. "We're nowhere near that fast."

"Not now you aren't."

While standing behind her, Vegeta studied the back of her head. Her thick hair failed to obscure the shine of a metallic device curled behind her right ear. He filed the oddity away in his mind to mull over later. "What happens that makes us concerned about being able to move more quickly?" he asked.

"This fight."

"We're going to fight? Why?" Goku asked. The corner of his mouth twitched.

"Because," she said, her voice low, "you don't want me to leave with the dragon ball."

"That's true," Goku conceded.

Vegeta's eyes were much too slow and his brain too sluggish to register exactly what happened in the next few seconds—for the first time in his life he felt very human in how handicapped his reflexes truly were. He'd lunged forward to grab her, and for a fraction of a second he believed his arms were tightly wound around her torso. But all he'd really captured was empty air, his daughter gone almost as quickly as the notion to move had entered his mind at all.

Behind him he heard three distinct noises in succession: Flesh smashing into flesh, Goku yelping in surprise, and then the thunderous roar of dirt and rock flying up from the earth. Vegeta looked down and saw his arms still hovered in a circle before him, holding onto nothing. Befuddled, he turned around.

"I'm stuck!" Goku screamed. He lay buried neck-deep in the ground. He thrashed his head around and snarled like a bear caught in a trap. "How did I even end up here?!"

Vegeta lowered his arms. Beside Goku the girl stood with a blank expression on her face.

"What the hell did you just do?!" He looked down at Goku, whose growls turned into pitiful whimpers.

"Geez, Daddy. You're really slow. You have to work on that."

"Kakarot, get out from there this instant!"

"I can't—she has me pinned!"

Eyes narrowing, Vegeta studied the stance of his daughter and his eyes immediately focused on her outstretched palm. Her index and middle finger pressed together and pointed toward the ground in Goku's direction.

Humiliated, heat rose to Vegeta's face. At least no one else was around to see how stupid he and his mate looked. "What the hell are you doing to Kakarot?" he demanded.

"Nothing much. I'm just keeping the soil around him still so he can't move."

It wasn't much of a surprise to the Prince. All Saiyans were born with an innate ability to control the energy that constantly surged around them. But training that ability to the point of favoring it over actual attacks was troubling. To Vegeta, it was cowardly. But if she could make it so Kakarot couldn't even move…

"I really do have to go, Mo—er, Papa," she said with her hand still turned toward the ground.

"I can't allow that."

Goku squealed. "This isn't funny!"

"Tell me your name." Vegeta moved into a fighting stance.

"No."

"Fine. Who picked your name out? Kakarot or me?"

"Daddy did."

For the first time since hearing about his pregnancy, a happy warmth filled him. "Good."

Vegeta rushed forward. He was faster than Goku, and for most of the time he'd known the man it was the single aspect of his strength he could always lord over him. But when his punch missed the girl's head by a mile, guilt washed over him for slacking in his training. With masterful ease she clutched his elbow and flung him toward the mountains miles away, a strategy on how to defeat her already forming in his mind as he crashed into sheer rock face.

* * *

 

Goku sat at his kitchen table nursing Vegeta's bruised body with a rag soaked in iodine. Being covered head to toe in dirt didn't bother him anywhere near as much as seeing the Prince's downcast eyes bore holes into the floor. Goten and Trunks sat on either side of them with perplexed looks on their faces.

"What the hell happened to you two?" Trunks asked, picking away a ball of debris from Goku's shoulder.

Goku wasn't sure how to respond. Telling the boys about what happened outside meant exposing Vegeta's pregnancy.

"Nothing happened," Vegeta said. The finality in his voice was enough to make Trunks drop the subject.

The same couldn't be said for Goten. "I don't get it. You're all beat up. And Dad's all dirty. Did you get into a fight?"

"No!" Goku and Vegeta said at the same time.

"Chill. We were just concerned." Trunks's eyes moved back to the phone in his hands like a magnet. He swiped his thumb across the surface and laughed. "Anyway, we did something cool while you both were gone on your trip."

The exhaustion Vegeta had complained about earlier caught up to Goku in that moment. All he wanted to do was take a shower then cuddle his pregnant mate while parsing through his emotions about their fight they just lost. _If what happened could even be called a fight_ , he thought bitterly. He couldn't even remember the last time his ego had been so badly bruised. At least the girl had respected Vegeta enough to hurt him. Instead, Goku was planted in the ground like a…vegetable of some sort.

"Trunks is right," Goten said. "This girl came over and played games with us." He stole Trunks's phone from of his hands and pressed it into Goku's face. "See?"

Goku's breath caught in his throat. The screen displayed a selfie of Trunks, Goten, and the Saiyan girl who had defeated him earlier. "How do you know her?" he asked.

Vegeta coughed, then winced in pain. "Who is it?"

"Uhh…" Goku placed the phone on the table beside Vegeta.

Vegeta's eyes narrowed into tiny slits. "What's her name, Trunks?"

"Oh! Her name is—Goten, what did you say her name was?"

Goten shrugged. "I don't remember if she told us or not."

"You don't _remember_?" Vegeta repeated after him. "Why did you let her inside of our home, then?"

"She's just some girl from school." Goten swiped his finger across the phone and presented even more selfies of them. "She wanted help with her homework."

Goku rubbed the side of his face. "You have the same classes as her?"

"No? I've never actally seen her before today, but she said she went to my school."

Vegeta grunted. "Okay. What did she do while she was over here?"

Trunks eyed his father with suspicion. "Once I explained the homework to her, she got through it pretty easily. After she finished, we played video games for a few hours."

"A few _hours_?" Vegeta clenched his eyes shut. "Was she carrying anything when you saw her?"

"No?" Trunks tapped his hand on the table, his patience fading. "Did you guys run into her on her way out?"

"No!" Goku and Vegeta said once more, this time in a shout that rattled the ceiling light.

"Whoa. Okay."

"Trunks." Vegeta stared down his son. "You two have to move out in the next few months. Nine at the latest."

"What?!" Trunks wrapped a protective arm around Goten. "That's too soon. We need more time. What changed between now and yesterday?"

Vegeta's face softened as he glanced at Goku. "If you two stay much longer it'll be too crowded around here."

"Oh? Is someone else moving in? In exactly nine months?" Trunks pulled Goten even closer.

"Trunks, you're hurting me."

"No I'm not." Trunks squeezed Goten even tighter to his side. "Well, Dad? Who's coming in nine months? Are they going to be really small and cry a lot, too?"

Vegeta rolled his eyes. "Kakarot, back me up."

 _Back you up? How?_ Goku scrambled to think of any possible way he could convince the boys to move out soon without revealing Vegeta's pregnancy. Not that it wasn't painfully obvious that Trunks already knew the truth. "We talked about this already," Goku said slowly, still figuring out exactly what he wanted to say. "If you're married you should have your own home."

"But why in nine months?"

Goku scratched his chin. "If you two stick around you'll have to help out around the house more. If you know what I mean."

He wasn't the best at subtlety, but Trunks took the hint. The teen huffed and crossed his arms. "Fine."

Excited, Goten clapped his hands together and grinned at his husband. "This means we can start looking at places now!"

"Right." Trunks allowed Goten to squeeze him around the waist until he squeaked. The undignified noise made him blush. "Alright, calm down. We'll start looking tomorrow."

"Yay!"

Vegeta shoved his upturned hand into Trunks face, opening and closing his palm. "Give me your house keys."

"What the hell, Dad. We haven't moved out yet!"

"That's not why. Kakarot and I lost ours."

"How?"

Goku bared his teeth. "Just give him the damn keys!"

Goten and Trunks dug around in their pockets and flung their keys onto the table. Muttering to himself, Trunks dragged Goten out of the kitchen and back upstairs.

Quiet filled the room. Now that the boys were gone, Goku felt every muscle in his body relax. "Trunks knows about you, Vegeta."

"If it'll get him out of the house sooner, I don't care."

Goku pulled the seat of Vegeta's chair closer to him. "Are you afraid he'll tell Bulma?"

"Not yet. I'm certain he'll try to weasel some more money out of her soon, and it won't benefit him if she gets too distracted with me."

Softly, Goku kissed Vegeta on the lips. He was bruised there too. "Maybe we _should_ tell her. About everything happening with our daughter. Maybe she could help figure out all the strange stuff with time travel? Our kid said she didn't use a time machine. And—"

"No."

"What are you so afraid of, Vegeta?"

"Bulma has a curious mind. The later she finds out about the baby, the better. She'll want to cut me open if she knows I'm not far along. And I don't want to deal with that right now."

"Aw, come on. You don't really believe that, do you?"

Vegeta stared off into a corner of the kitchen with a distant look in his eyes.

* * *

After taking his third shower in the past twenty four hours, Goku sat naked on the edge of his bed while steadily drumming his fingers against his thigh. The strange run-in with his daughter awoke within him a combination of dread and curiosity. Studying and adopting his opponents' fighting styles was one of the few things he knew came naturally to him, but he couldn't make heads or tails as to how someone could move so quickly.

It wasn't until Vegeta crawled into his lap that Goku noticed his mate had been trying to get his attention for a while now. The Prince was warm and soft in his arms, having finished his own shower only minutes ago. The fluffy towel hanging around his waist threatened to slide to the floor and Goku knew it wasn't by accident.

Vegeta snuggled his head beneath Goku's chin. "Kakarot. Put me in bed."

"Are you sure?" He ghosted his fingertips up and down Vegeta's spine, culling a rumbly purr from his mate. "You don't seem too sleepy to me."

"I want to get you in between the sheets."

Goku pulled Vegeta into his lap so the smaller Saiyan straddled his waist. Damp hair clung to the sides of Vegeta's face and cascaded down his shoulders, making it even harder for Goku to concentrate on the troubles weighing down his mind. If he allowed the Prince to have his way, there wasn't a chance in hell he'd figure the mystery out until tomorrow morning. He picked Vegeta up and granted his wish of being put to bed by lying him beneath the bedsheets and tucking him in. Vegeta wasn't fibbing earlier: the moment his head hit the pillow, his growls were replaced with yawns.

Happy to finally see Vegeta relaxed, Goku smoothed a hand over his wet hair. "Vegeta, don't you think we should talk about what happened earlier?"

"You mean when we got our asses handed to us? Yes." Vegeta fluttered his eyes several times to keep himself awake. "But I was going to wait until tomorrow to get properly pissed off about it."

"Hehe. Aren't you glad you got to meet her?"

Vegeta smirked. "Yes and no."

Goku rubbed Vegeta's stomach through the sheets. He imagined Vegeta lying in the same position a few months from now, his muscled abs replaced with a slight bulge. He grinned. "Why yes?"

"Because she's strong. And she has your personality."

" _My_ personality? She's mean like you!"

Vegeta stared up at him in shock. "I'm not mean!"

"Yeah, you are!"

"I was trying to give you a compliment but you just turned it around on me!" Vegeta rolled his eyes. "Bulma told me plenty about how mischievous you were as a child. She's just like you. A _prankster_."

"Nu-uh! I never played jokes on—" Goku paused. "Hmm. Well, there was that one time I poured boiling water down a guy's throat when he least expected it…"

"You did _what_?"

Goku laughed and scratched the back of his head. "Ah, never mind. Maybe she's like the both of us?"

"But you don't want her to just be like me."

 _Aw crap, I keep digging myself into this hole._ "Nah, Vegeta. I like that you're mean!"

A look of confusion flashed across Vegeta's face. A second passed, and his hard expression faded away. "Good."

Goku leaned down and kissed Vegeta's temple. "Why _weren't_ you happy you got to meet her?"

"For the obvious reasons. I'm not sure which I should be more worried about—her strange techniques or the fact we let her get away with a dragon ball."

"She can't do much with just one dragon ball."

"If it's missing we won't be able to use the whole set in the future if necessary."

Goku bit his lip. "I hadn't thought about that." The implication of Vegeta's words made him shudder. "I'm going to Namek."

Vegeta closed his eyes. "Right now?"

"Yeah. But I have to ask you something first." Goku rose from bed and began to dress himself. Sitting down for so long made him realize how tired he was too. After pulling a shirt over his head, he looked across the room at Vegeta again. "Isn't it weird she ran so fast?"

"It is. If she knows instant transmission she should have used that instead when we fought earlier."

"Exactly." Goku felt pleased he had someone to share his thoughts with who understood the art of battle as well as he did. He walked up to Vegeta with the intent to give him another kiss, but decided against it. If he didn't head out soon, Vegeta would certainly get him naked again. "So why do you think she chose to run?"

"Maybe it's more efficient."

"It definitely isn't."

"But she did say we taught her to fight that way. That means it's imperative at some point in the future _we_ learn those techniques so we can pass them down to her."

"Right, but why? What happens in the future that makes running more efficient than instant transmission? I feel like she was trying to tell us something by fighting like that." Goku planted his hands on his hips. "To transmit yourself you have to focus on another person's ki. But if you have to travel to a place where there's nobody to focus on, it's useless."

Vegeta rolled onto his back and stared up at the ceiling with an inquisitive look on his face. "Interesting. So you think in the future there's something we're going to fight that doesn't have a ki signature?"

"I hope not." Goku's eyes widened. "Though that would explain all of the weird energy manipulation she did too."

"How so?"

"The second best thing you can do to someone that needs to be defeated is to dispose of them. You know—literally moving them somewhere else."

"I don't like the sound of that."

"Me neither."

"There's something…ah." Vegeta fought off the yawn interrupting him. "Mm, there's something wrong with her ear."

"What do you mean?"

"She had a device attached to it. It may aid her in some way as well."

"I have no idea what that could be." Goku watched Vegeta's eyes flutter again. He looked vulnerable in his sleepy state, and Goku couldn't stop himself from petting the Prince on the head. "Go to sleep, sweetie. I'll help you warm the bed as soon as I come back."

Vegeta purred at the affection. "Alright. But we have to go see Bulma first thing tomorrow."

"Oh man. I hope she doesn't kill us for ignoring her for so long. I haven't even bothered checking my voicemails yet."

"I won't mind a little yelling if it means I get to marry you soon." As if he feared seeing Goku's reaction, Vegeta pulled the sheets over his head and hid himself completely.

Goku smiled. He placed his fingers on his forehead and disappeared from the room.

* * *

"What do you mean it's still here?!"

Moori, the Namekian Grand Elder, stared up at Goku with a confused stare. Both he and Goku stood on a precipice overlooking a small village of people harvesting strange plants from the ground. As serene as the setting was, the relative peace around Goku only made him feel more anxious.

"All of the dragon balls are here safe and sound," Moori said. "No one's been here to bother us at all."

Goku chewed his fingernails. "Are you sure?"

"I'm positive." Moori's eyes narrowed. "Why do you believe someone has come to steal from us?"

There was no reason for Goku to pull everyone else into his world of paranoia. Obviously his daughter hadn't stolen the dragon ball yet. _But when does she do it? And why not now?_ he wondered. The silence growing between him and Moori became awkward; he forced himself to laugh. "Ah, no reason!"

Moori shook his head. "You wouldn't come all the way here on a whim."

Goku blushed. "Um, just keep your eyes peeled, okay? If anyone strange visits you in the future, just let me know. Immediately. Like, the second it happens."

"Do you have a new foe that plans on attacking us?"

"No, no! Not at all!" Goku waved his hands in front of himself. "It's just that strange things have been happening lately and I want you guys to be safe. But you have nothing to worry about, alright?"

"I'll believe you if you say so, Goku."

"Thanks." Goku nodded his head and disappeared again.

* * *

As soon as daylight broke, Goku and Vegeta hauled their asses over to Capsule Corp in hopes Bulma's anger could be allayed by seeing their cheerful faces first thing in the morning. Well, Goku's cheerful face anyway. Even though Vegeta had a good night's sleep, exhaustion clung to him like a bad stench. He'd only been pregnant for a few days and already the symptoms were becoming a burden.

When they ran into Bulma, she had her mouth open and finger raised, ready to deliver a scathing but rehearsed tongue lashing to them. But after one look at Vegeta she paused. He must have looked like absolute shit for her to take pity on him. She invited them into the kitchen and quickly phoned Android 18 and Krillin so they could all share breakfast together.

It had been a long while since Vegeta last ate at the Capsule Corp kitchen table. Years of his life had been whittled away eating meals alone there, or with Bulma at his side prattling a mile a minute, his listening skills at the height of their relationship only perfunctory. Unless she'd mentioned Trunks's training. Or how Goku hadn't visited them in a while. Those topics always caught his attention. Especially whenever Goku's name made an appearance: his then-rival danced in and out of his life like a breeze, which frustrated him endlessly for reasons he drowned away during sessions in the gravity chamber. The red formica surface shimmering with his reflection reminded him of all of those years and more, making him question his sentimentality. It was just a table, after all.

Soon Vegeta found himself at that same table surrounded by Android 18, Krillin, the woman he never married, and the man he was _supposed_ to be marrying. Suddenly it wasn't just a table anymore. It, and everything around him, had changed. Even his body was no longer the same. Only he and Goku knew a sixth presence sat with them at the table too.

It was strange how everyone stared at him. Did they know? They couldn't possibly know. Not yet. He placed his spoon down. "What's the problem?" he asked out loud.

"You're eating scrambled eggs out of a bowl of milk," Krillin said.

Vegeta blinked. How long had he been eating? He'd been lost in this thoughts for a while now. He glared at Krillin, annoyed by the accusation. "So what?" he asked.

"I've never seen you eat that before," Goku said, siding with his childhood friend.

"Mind your own business!" Defensive, Vegeta brought the bowl to his face and sucked down the rest its contents. What did they know? Why was it any of their business what he did with his food? Goku also had no right to switch teams and betray Vegeta with his scrutiny. The man had a two foot high stack of pancakes on his plate! Shouldn't everyone have been paying attention to that? "We're supposed to be talking about the wedding anyway."

Goku scowled. "Do you feel alright, sweetie?"

Android 18 and Krillin snickered. Vegeta blushed. "Yes. I'm fine."

"But you're acting kinda weird, baby."

 _Oh my God Kakarot, you know I'm fucking pregnant! And stop calling me pet names in front of all of these people!_ "Like I said, I'm perfectly fine!"

Android 18 pointed directly at Vegeta's hand. "Now you're pouring yourself a glass of maple syrup."

Vegeta roared. "I like how it _tastes_!"

Goku wagged his fork at 18, a fluffy piece of pancake still attached to the end. "He's right. We have to figure out this wedding stuff." Right before Vegeta took a swig of his maple syrup beverage, Goku dunked his fork inside of it like dipping sauce. "This shouldn't be too complicated to plan, right?"

"It depends on how big you want the wedding to be," Bulma chimed in. Her face paled once she saw Vegeta down the glass in a few gulps. "Vegeta, that's disgusting!"

He wiped the sticky residue away from his mouth. "How big can the wedding possibly be? We don't know that many people."

"Maybe you don't, but Goku does!"

Goku glanced at Bulma with his mouth still full of chewed-up pancake. "I do?"

"You should invite all of your friends this time," Krillin said. He and Bulma shared a knowing look. "Unlike your lastwedding."

Vegeta wasn't even sure Goku knew how to pick up on passive aggression. "What do you mean?" Goku asked. "What friends are you talking about?"

In the middle of cutting her steak, Bulma looked up at Goku with a murderous look in her eyes. "You didn't tell us anything when you married Chi-Chi! You just flew off on your little cloud after the tournament, then we didn't hear from you again until five years later!" She continued slicing her meat, the knife now rubbing against the bottom of her plate and disturbing the peace of the kitchen with a loud screech. "I can't believe you didn't even think to invite me, after all of those times I almost died hanging out with you—"

Goku laughed. "Bulma, of course you're invited this time! Is that what you're upset about?"

Bulma dropped her knife and fork along with her mouth. Krillin's eyes narrowed to tiny slits. "Goku, you should have invited us to your first wedding," he said.

"Oooh!" Goku scratched the back of his head. "I'm sorry. I didn't think you guys wanted to be bothered with that kind of thing."

Krillin grabbed onto Bulma's wrist before she could fling her knife through the air. "It's okay, Bulma!"

Still oblivious to the betrayal his friends felt, Goku pensively scratched the bottom of his chin. "So you think I should invite everyone I know, huh? I'm not even sure where to find some of them."

Bulma's trigger arm lowered as she exhaled. "Some of them have been in the tournament over the years, right? They should be easy enough to find if I ask Blondie for entrant records. I think they'd all be really happy to see you again."

Vegeta filled his bowl with milk again, this time opting to sink a few pieces of sausage into the mix. "How many people are we talking about here?"

She counted her fingers. "I don't know. Maybe a few hundred guests or more—"

"No," Vegeta said, "absolutely not. I want a wedding, not a circus."

Goku nodded. "That is a lot. And I don't even think I know that many people. Where would we fit them all?"

"It should be somewhere big," Bulma said with excitement in her eyes. "Capsule Corp isn't very romantic, but we have plenty of space here!"

The idea of reciting marital vows in a corporate building, no matter how many gargantuan rooms mimicking natural environments it held, made Vegeta grimace. He looked at Android 18 for help, but she was busy sipping a mug of tea and being lost in her own thoughts. She'd been suspiciously quiet during the whole meeting. "What do you think?" he asked her.

Android 18 giggled softly. "Vegeta," she said, winking at him over the rim of her mug, "who do you want to be your maid of honor?"

There were a slew of reasons the question bothered Vegeta. The first being the use of the phrase "maid of honor." "Excuse me? I am not a bride. Don't you mean who should be my best man?"

"It's only fair that there's one best man and one maid of honor. Goku, who do you want your best man to be?"

"Best man?"

"It's the guy who'll help you with the wedding the most. And he'll plan your bachelor party."

"Oh. Krillin!"

Krillin pumped his fist in the air. " _Yes!_ "

"That's not fair," Vegeta said. He watched Krillin victory dance from across the table. "Why can't I get a best man too?"

"She just explained why." Bulma leaned back in her chair with her arms crossed and a fiendish smirk on her face. "So who's it going to be, Vegeta?"

It still upset him that he was, for all intents and purposes, being called a bride. They didn't even know he was pregnant, so it eluded him why they'd make him out to be the "woman" in his relationship with Goku. "I don't need one," he said.

"Oh yes you do." 18 placed her mug down. "The maid of honor is going to be even more important than the best man. She gets to plan the bridal shower and the bachelorette party."

"And don't forget—she helps with dress fitting too!" Bulma cried.

18 nodded. "We also can't forget how important the maid of honor will be when the bride starts crying on the day of the wedding and needs someone to wipe her tears away."

"Have you both lost your minds? There is no bride in this wedding. And no one is wearing a dress."

Bulma and 18 quickly glanced at each other, then returned their attention to Vegeta.

He groaned. "Let me guess. You've both already talked about this."

"We weren't thinking you'd wear an actual dress, but you should definitely look fancier than Goku!"

Vegeta covered his face. "No."

Goku mopped up the syrup on his plate with a forkful of eggs. "Do they make dresses for men? Or would he just wear one made for ladies?"

"I want Android 18 to be my maid of honor." Vegeta glowered at both women from behind the barrier of his raised hands. "I know she isn't cruel enough to actually stuff me in something without pant legs."

"Alright!" 18 yelled. She and Krillin gave each other high-fives. "Looks like we win at being the wedding favorites!"

Vegeta knew Bulma was pissed when she fished a cigarette out of her bra and lit it right at the table as people were still eating. "Whatever, Vegeta!"

"Don't take it too personally." Vegeta sighed. "Don't I get to pick bridesmaids too? Can't you be one of those?"

The lighter in her hand shot a long flame into the air to ignite her cigarette. "So you're a bride now?" She waved her hand through the air, and Vegeta wasn't sure if it was to clear away her smoke or to dispel the irritated look on his face. "I'm joking. I'm happy to be a bridesmaid."

Android 18 straightened her back in her chair: her newly assigned role as maid of honor invigorated her with new life. "This is great. We can figure out all of the other bridesmaids later, but I'm assuming Marron and Videl are going to want in on the action too. We'll have to keep Marron away from all of the kinky party stuff, of course."

Goku looked up from his empty plate of food. "'Kinky party stuff'? What are you talking about?"

"She's talking about the bachelor and bachelorette parties. Duh." Bulma took a drag from her cigarette. "You've got to go all out before you get married. You know, get your last fun in? Go out for a night on the town? Maybe have one last 'hurrah' with somebody before the nuptials seal the door to your bedroom?"

Vegeta didn't like the blush creeping across Goku's cheeks, nor the sheepish smile spreading across his face. He knew exactly what his mate was thinking about doing _again_ before their marriage day without hearing one peep out of his mouth about Yorick. "No, Kakarot."

Goku twiddled his thumbs. "I didn't say anything!"

"You didn't have to."

"We can worry about that later," 18 said. Vegeta was unsure if she meant the party planning or Goku's sudden enthusiasm at the mention of "kinky party stuff." "As Vegeta's maid of honor and officially the most important person after the bride and groom, I suggest the wedding be outside. Do you like the sound of that, Vegeta?"

The sudden image of Goku gazing back at him, ensconced in the light of a dying sunset, bloomed in Vegeta's mind. The lazy cowlick resting above his brow and the wide grin he wore stood with such clarity in Vegeta's imagination that he had to turn and stare the corporeal Goku in the eye to confirm if the man looked as beautiful as the illusory version. And Goku did look back at him—not with pride or longing like in Vegeta's fantasy, but with his eyes wavering left and right in an attempt to read Vegeta's expression. Seconds later, Goku smiled. "Vegeta wants it to be outside."

Android 18 leaned across the table to wave her hand between the two Saiyans' intense staring session. "Did you just break Vegeta? He's on a different planet right now."

"Yeah, probably Planet Goku," Bulma said with a laugh in her voice. She crushed her cigarette butt into the ashtray on the table. "An outside ceremony sounds romantic. But where should it be specifically?"

"How about," Goku said, his eyes still glued to Vegeta, "where we first fought?"

"You're joking." Out of the corner of his eye Vegeta caught Krillin rolling his eyes. "You want to get married in some god-forsaken canyon? Where Vegeta—no offense, of course—nearly killed you, Gohan, and me?"

A dreamy look fell over Goku's face. "Yeah. That sounds nice."

Krillin held his palms out in a pleading gesture. "Am I crazy? That's weird, right?" He turned to his wife. "You weren't there. But Vegeta nearly stomped Goku to death! And," he said, raising his hands into the air in guilt, "I'm not putting all the blame on him. I nearly sliced him in two with a sword. But it was a freakin' nightmare!"

"How could the first time I withstood Kakarot's strength be called a nightmare?" Vegeta cupped Goku's chin in his hand. "He was absolutely _astonishing_ back then."

Android 18 sipped down another gulp of tea to drown away her giggles. She avoided Krillin's pleading eyes the whole while she emptied her cup. Once done, a red blush rose to her cheeks. "Damn, Vegeta. You make it sound like you popped Goku's cherry that day."

Bulma snickered. "The way I remember it, I think it was more like Vegeta got his cherry popped by Goku."

18 doubled over in laughter. She wrapped her long arms around Krillin's neck to avoid falling to the floor all together. "I can't—they seriously want to get married—?"

"Where they almost killed each other. I know," Krillin said, now utterly morose. Thankfully, he didn't find the idea as amusing as 18 and chose to give Goku the same pleading look that failed on his wife earlier. "Buddy. C'mon. Why would you ever want to go back there?"

Goku blushed. "When I think about that place it makes me feel, um, good." He stared up at the ceiling.

Vegeta enjoyed seeing Goku become paralyzed with shyness in front of his friends, especially over the topic of their first battle. They'd never discussed it in depth, but Vegeta was damn near giddy to hear Goku admitting he felt the same away about the day they met.

Goku laughed. "Sure, Krillin, that was a bad day, but it was an incredible one too, ya know? Up until that point I hadn't fought anyone that powerful. I even spent a whole year with King Kai just so I could be strong enough to beat Vegeta. I was so excited when we finally met, and he didn't look _anything_ like I expected. But at the same time I was so excited to feel what it was like to finally hit him."

"Goku, you freak." 18 smirked at him. "Are you saying you were turned on the first time you and Vegeta fought?"

"No!" Goku laughed nervously and pulled Vegeta's hand into his lap beneath the table. Under the pressure of everyone's stares, Goku's lovely blush only intensified. "I'm just saying it felt really good to fight him."

"I get it. It's a Saiyan thing." Bulma smirked at Goku, and Vegeta knew from the familiar squint of her eyes that the next few words she'd utter would be filthy. "You two always enjoyed punching the living daylights out of each other. I'm not surprised at all you both get off on it."

Goku looked faint. "I'm not some pervert! I just think it would be romantic having a wedding there. Right, Vegeta?"

The vivid memory of Goku screaming beneath the weight of his gargantuan foot came to Vegeta. The longer he thought about the delicious screams bleeding from his mate's broken body, the more he grew hot under the collar. If given the chance, could he make Goku scream uncontrollably like that again? Of course Goku would be on his back like the first time…

Vegeta cleared his throat. "It does sound romantic, Kakarot. I'd like to get married there."

"Ugh." Krillin pressed his forehead against 18's shoulder. "I'm not sure I'm cut out for an alien wedding."

"Chin up, Krillin." 18 tapped the spot between his eyes where his nose should have been. "This is just the beginning. Imagine the badass party you're going to have to throw to live up to a wedding in a death gorge!"

All the reminiscing about years past inspired Vegeta to press his hand between Goku's thighs and squeeze at the hardness growing there. Goku moaned softly, batting away Vegeta's hand once his fingers started to tug at his pant zipper. "Bulma, we should probably leave soon," Goku said at a strange pitch.

"Nu-uh." Bulma wagged her finger in Goku's direction. "You can't just run away the second Vegeta starts feeling you up. You need to focus, Goku!"

Goku's hand flew so fast to the back of his neck he nearly smashed Vegeta's face with his elbow. "Ahaha, what?"

"As cute as you two are, she's right." Android 18's laughter faded into a sigh. "When do you want to get married? Sometime next year? That would give us enough time to—"

"No!" Vegeta smashed his fist onto the table, clattering all of the plates. "Absolutely not!"

Everyone, including Goku, gave him a strange look. Filled with hesitation, Goku wrapped his arm around the Prince. "It's okay, 'Geta. We can touch each other later."

"Wha—I'm not talking about that! We need to get married immediately. Preferably in the next month or so."

"In the next month?" Bulma laughed. "That's not happening."

"Why do we need to get married so soon, Vegeta?" Goku asked.

"Because. I'm going to have that _thing_ to do that's really important. Remember?"'

"Oh, the gallery showing!"

"This is news to me," Android 18 said with a pout. "Why didn't anyone tell me about this?"

Vegeta massaged his temples. "I just found out about it yesterday."

"What does that have to do with your wedding?" Bulma said, her annoyance quickly turning into suspicion as she stared Vegeta down. "We can all go to your gallery thing, then we'll have the wedding later. They don't conflict at all."

"Oooh. I get it!" Goku smashed his fist into the table much like Vegeta did earlier. "We have to do it before—"

"Shut up, Kakarot!"

Krillin crossed his arms. "What's up with you two?"

"Nothing is 'up' with us. I just want to get married as soon as possible, but no one is listening to me!"

"I never knew you could be such a diva, Vegeta." Android 18 smiled at the Prince, then at Bulma. "Let's give him what he wants. How hard can it really be? It's not like anyone coming can't just fly over."

Bulma gnawed on her bottom lip. Her lipstick smeared onto her teeth. "Alright." She pointed at Vegeta. "But you can't ditch us and make us do everything. You have to help too."

Relieved, Vegeta sunk down in his chair. "Excellent. Thank you."

Bulma rested her chin in her hands. A devious smile spread across her face. "Alright. First thing's first. We're going to pick out your and all of the bridesmaids' dresses today."

 _Oh fucking hell._ "You're not going to trick me into wearing a dress with you all."

"Vegeta," 18 said while clicking her tongue, "if you want to get hitched to your little carrot in less than two months, you have to be cooperative."

Goku pointed at himself. "I'm a little carrot?"

"Yes, Kakarot." Vegeta pouted. "Fine. I'll go shopping for a _suit_ today. Nothing else."

"Awesome!" Bulma pushed her chair out from under the table. "Let's do it later this evening. Krillin and 18, come with me. We need to scope out the canyon Goku and Vegeta fought in so I can figure out the logistics of setting up an event there. If there's anything there like random dust storms or uneven ground, I've got my work cut out for me."

"Right-o." Krillin stuck a piece of French toast into his mouth and rose from the table. He tugged on his wife's shoulder.

Android 18 shook her head. "Thanks for everything, Bulma. But I'll stick around here until you two come back. I have a few questions I need to ask these two."

Vegeta didn't like this. Not one bit.

Bulma raised a brow. "Is it something I'm not allowed to hear?"

"Nooo, of course not." There was a song in 18's voice, which only put Vegeta even more on edge. "I'm just going to ask them for more specifics. Don't worry, I'll relay the information back to you later."

"You better." Bulma nodded and led Krillin out of the kitchen.

Before Vegeta could speak, 18 ran around the table and sat in the empty chair beside him. "You're pregnant, aren't you?"

"Hush!" Vegeta covered her mouth. "Do you want the whole world to know?"

18 screamed. Vegeta covered his face and tried to imagine himself existing literally anywhere else on the planet. Goku hugged him and pet his hair. "Aw, don't be sad, Vegeta!"

"Goku, I'm so proud of you!" All dramatics, 18 wiped away an imaginary tear on her cheek. "You put a baby in our little prince and now he's going to be a mommy!"

Vegeta winced. "How did you even find out?"

"It was too obvious. You look like crap and you ate like a barn animal earlier." 18 touched his belly. "But you weren't pregnant when I last saw you. How are you having symptoms this fast?"

When Vegeta didn't answer, Goku nuzzled his cheek against Vegeta's face. "I want to know too. And did you tell 18 you were trying to get pregnant? I thought you didn't want anyone knowing!"

"She pulled it out of me the last time we met. She can be a very persuasive woman," Vegeta muttered. All of the affection and attention he was suddenly receiving made him blush even harder.

18 held his hand in her lap. "Answer my question, Vegeta. What's with the early symptoms?"

"I'm not sure. Saiyans experience pregnancy differently from humans."

"Is it coming out in nine months?" 18 asked.

"Yes."

She grinned. "So that's why you want the ceremony so soon. You don't want to get too fat for your wedding dress."

"Ye—I mean, no!"

"Don't worry. I'll throw you a proper baby shower too." 18 clasped his hand tighter. "Who else knows about this?"

"Trunks, but only after figuring it out on his own." _Oh, and the whole council of a foreign country. They know._

18 bounced in her chair. "Can I tell everyone else?"

"No. Not yet."

"How long are you going to wait? You can't hide it forever. In fact, I think the sooner you tell people the less weird it'll be."

"I haven't decided yet. But it's definitely not going to be any time soon. " Vegeta dreaded the day he'd have to explain his biology to all of the earthlings. They'd be much more interested in how the baby was made instead of what it would be like, which filled him with disappointment the longer he dwelled on the realization. _If only I had the luxury of gushing about the baby._

"If you say so, vegetable boy." 18 hummed and stared at the couple as if gazing upon a beautiful painting. "You two are too cute together. Your kid is going to be adorable."

Goku laughed nervously. "Yeah, I guess so. Umm, you don't think it's weird he's having my baby?"

18 gave Vegeta a knowing look. "Not at all. Vegeta getting pregnant is straight out of a fairytale. Maybe not the kind children should read, but it's still a magical thing to admire."

It relieved the Prince to know she hadn't delved into the details of their one-on-one chat about Saiyan pregnancy only a few days ago. He exhaled. "Thank you."

18 smiled even wider. "What was the sex like?"

Vegeta scoffed. "Excuse me?"

"To make the baby. Did you do anything special?" She lowered her voice "Did you follow my advice and relax before doing it?"

"We're leaving now. Come on, Kakarot." Vegeta grabbed Goku's hand and walked away from the table.

"Don't leave yet. I have so many more questions to ask!"

"Bite me," Vegeta said over his shoulder.

"You can't run away forever." 18 raised her voice to a shout. "I _will_ find you later, we _are_ going shopping, and you _will_ look fabulous for your wedding day!"

* * *

Vegeta insisted they fly back home. As they both soared above the clouds and let the sun warm their backs, Goku came to a realization: his prince, when in a good mood, preferred flying over being chauffeured around with instant transmission. There was a rhythm to the way Vegeta banked left and right in the sky; it was a strange dance that Goku didn't understand but allowed himself to copy move for move. Occasionally Vegeta would expectantly look to his side and find Goku there. Every time he did, he smiled, and increased his speed.

Goku scratched his head. He'd never thought of Vegeta as "his" prince until now. He wasn't sure what to make of it.

The cumulus below them parted and unveiled the mountain valley where their home lay. Minutes later they landed on the grassy expanse of the front lawn. Before Vegeta could get away, Goku grabbed his hand. "Hey. Hold on a sec."

Vegeta continued to move in stride, pulling Goku toward the house. "We need to train."

"We do? Not that I'm complaining."

"Yes. We need to figure out this energy manipulation thing. With our strength it shouldn't be so easy for a child to throw us around like toys. If she comes back I won't allow it to happen again."

"Oh, that sounds like fun!" All of the excitement of hours of training nearly distracted Goku from the question he wanted to ask. "Ah, wait!"

"What's the matter?"

"I'd like to, um, you know. Continue what we were doing earlier in Bulma's kitchen?" Goku giggled nervously. "I want to make you happy, my…prince."

Vegeta stopped right as they were about to step onto the porch. "Oh? Am I your prince now?"

"Hehe...yeah." The way Vegeta smiled up at him made his cheeks burn.

"I like the sound of that. What do you want to do with me?"

"Lots of things. If you're up to it." Goku rubbed the small of Vegeta's back. "The boys aren't home right now, so we could—"

" **KAKAROT!"**

The booming, otherworldly voice made Goku jump a foot off the ground. King Vegeta's ghostly form slid through the front door to join them outside. His frown deepened the creases in his face.

"Leave, Father. Kakarot and I need to fuck this instant." Vegeta walked past the King and jiggled the doorknob with a bit more fervor than necessary.

" **Before you go in there I need to explain something to you both."** King Vegeta twirled his beard between his giant fingers. **"Hmm. How do I say this?"**

"What's wrong?" Since knowing the King, Goku hadn't ever heard him sound so distressed. _Can't I go one day without something weird happening?_

" **Ah. Well. In Otherworld I may have mentioned your wedding to a few people."** King Vegeta looked guiltily off into the distance. **"And, ah…"**

Vegeta took out his keys and unlocked the door. He walked through the doorway, then immediately turned on his heel and walked back outside. "Father. Who the hell are those two people? And why are they in our house?"

Goku leaned to the side to get a better view of inside the living room, but King Vegeta moved to block him.

" **Well. Um. Surprise, Kakarot!"** King Vegeta raised his arms in the air. **"Your parents are here!"**

Goku blinked. "My parents? I don't have any."

"Yeah you do."

A man who appeared identical to Goku peeked his head out of the doorway. Other than the red bandanna tied around his head and the deep scar that cut through the side of his face, he was a spitting image of Earth's savior.

A thin cigarette dangled from the corner of the man's mouth. He smirked. "Hi, son."


End file.
